By Chris Wright

A nude (save the dignity-preserving baseball cap) bloke took to the pitch during Bayern Munich’s 2-1 away victory over Augsburg at the weekend and proceeded to perform what has since been branded the ‘Wang Dance’ in German football forums – a brief, intricate piece of choreography that included a couple of backwards somersaults and plenty of genital waggling…

(As you may have garnered by now, this video features a relatively high presence of penis)

The sad truth? If it ever gets to the point where I’m asked under oath whether I’ve seen the ‘Wang Dance’, I’ll now be legally required to reply “Yes your honour, twice.”

Video: 101GG

                          

By Chris Wright

Please note that, before you scroll down, there are a couple of slightly NSFW pictures at the bottom of this here article.

Anyway, you know the feeling, we’ve all been there; it’s a god-awful goalless draw, every passing minute seems like an eon, the game has been utterly devoid of incident thus far and there’s no danger of anything happening anytime soon so you whip down your kecks and give the missus the old ‘sexy heave ho’ to idle away the match.

No?

Well, that’s exactly what two amorous Bayern Munich fans were caught in the act of doing during their side’s pap scoreless draw at Hoffenheim over the weekend – we’ll let one of BILD’s reporters fill you in with the details:

“I thought it did not look right. They had absolutely no inhibitions. Both pulled their pants down and went at it.

“The people around them apparently were not disturbed, though the stewards noticed the commotion and urged the two to stop immediately.”

Thankfully, we’ve also been able to procure some photographic evidence of the couple’s little public ugly-bumping session…

For the record, the frisky twosome were eventually ejected from the ground by the Hoffenheim stewards after engaging in ’round two’.

So there you go, how about that then?

[Via Goal]

                          

By Chris Wright

Man City were given a bit of a humbling by Bayern Munich in the Champions League last night, eventually going down 2-0 in the Allianz Arena courtesy of a brace from Mario Gomez.

However, the major talking point emanated from the City bench where, according to a pretty peeved Roberto Mancini, Carlos Tevez flatly refused to enter the fray as a second-half substitute – a claim that Tevez himself has denied this morning, citing that he was ‘ready to play’ and that it was all just a big ‘misunderstanding’.

Mancini went on to state that he is now ‘through with Tevez’ and that he ‘wants him out’ of the door as soon as possible, while also expressing his disappointment at Edin Dzeko’s conduct, with the Bosnian shaking his head deliberately after being substituted for Nigel de Jong ten minutes after the interval.

All-in-all, a pretty shitty night for City.

In addendum: I’ve heard premonitions this morning that Tevez is now ‘finished at the highest level of the game’ after his latest little escapade, which is, of course, nonsense.

At the very worst, Tevez could afford to have a ‘season out’, burying his head in the sand at Anzhi (or some other club of their ilk), raking in £300k-a-week to sate his stable of creaming puppet-masters and agents while scoring goals for fun – right up until the point when an Inter/AC/Real/Barca are convinced that the heat’s died down and he’s worth another punt six/twelve months later.

Unfortunately for the assorted Gods of decorum and decency, he’s far, far too good-a-player to simply write off.

*Sigh*

Photos…

Highlights (catch them before the Youtube police do)…

Photos: PA

                          

News emanating from Germany this afternoon is that that Bayern Munich’s Brazilian defender Breno spent the night in hospital to undergo treatment for smoke inhilation after his home in Gruenwald was gutted by a fire that started shortly after midnight last night…

According to ESPN, Breno was home alone at the time and the cause of the fire, which caused an estimated €1 million’s worth of damage, is now currently being investigated by Munich police and fire authorities.

Sheesh.

[Photos: Matthias Schrader/PA]

                          

By Ollie Irish

This is a cake

In which irascible Bayern Munich manager Louis Van Gaal receives flowers, cheers and a f*cking amazingly elaborate – yet wholly unappetising – cake in honour of his 59th birthday.

Er, we don’t want to be pedantic, but Bayern didn’t actually win the Champions League last season – but somehow a marzipan version of the CL trophy made it onto Van Gaal’s cake, as well as a mini Van Gaal wearing lederhosen. Those Bavarians, they love lederhosen.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Franck Ribery clowns around with Bayern team-mate David Alaba (@ Bild)

Oh Franck, stop it. You are hil-arious enough simply to look at without this.

You really wouldn’t know Ribery was facing three years in prison after admitting to sex with an underage prostitiute.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Astonishing technique and composure shown by Robben. The margin for error here was minute.

Previously…

Top 10 Goals Of The Season, No.6 – Karim Benzema, Deportivo v REAL MADRID, La Liga

Top 10 Goals Of The Season, No.7 – Lionel Messi, Barcelona V Real Zaragoza, La Liga

Top 10 Goals Of The Season, No.8 – Benjamin Huggel, FC Basel V Zurich, Swiss Super League

Top 10 Goals Of The Season, No.9 – Maicon, Inter V Udinese, Serie A

Top 10 Goals Of The Season, No.10 – Samir Nasri, Arsenal V Porto, Champions League

                          

By Ollie Irish

A few pics from Inter and Bayern’s final training sessions before the big match in Madrid this evening…

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Inter Milan manager Jose Mourinho

So who’s gonna win? It will be close, you have to imagine. My call: Bayern 1-2 Inter (aet)

                          

By Ollie Irish

A UEFA statement, released this morning, read: “The match will be handled by 38-year-old English referee Howard Melton Webb, who has been an international referee since 2005 and has officiated in total 47 UEFA matches in his refereeing career.

“… At the final in Madrid, Webb will be assisted by his fellow countrymen Michael Mullarkey and Darren Cann. The fourth official will be Martin Atkinson, also from England.”

I’m almost proud that an Englishman will be involved in Saturday’s Champions League final. Almost. More importantly: Melton! (snigger, tee-hee etc.)

What this says about the standard of refs in Europe, I don’t know. I happen to rate Webb highly, but of course in England we tend to slag of ALL match officials and focus on every little mistake they make. Good luck to him – nice to see an English ref catch a break. Clearly the Lord Triesman affair didn’t impact on UEFA’s decision.

The good people of Poland will be less impressed, naturally.