Guess this French World Cup star…

‘I felt alone,’ says Frenchman

As expected, FIFA refuse rematch. The right decision?

Relive the agony/ecstasy (delete where applicable)

Keano risks disrepute charge after verbal volleys

Henry’s hand knocks out the Irish – football justice just got raped in the bumhole

No luck for the Irish in Dublin as Anelka strikes

Och! We’d already typed up our response for plucky Scotland’s brave performance against a rampant France last night. The brave jocks battled hard for 60 minutes at which point the Frenchers stepped things up a gear and ground out a 2-0 victory. That’s what should have happened, but the wee lassy AKA Lady Fate hate different things in mind. Her plan was for Scotland to win? Madness…
So “Och laddy!” you better toss my caber, because the skirt wearing gingers left the footballing world shell-shocked by beating France in France. Genuinely. It happened. Alreet? Nae bother.
Surely this has to be one of the haggis chomping McFootballers finest ever achievements? In our books, we’ve got it as their number two…
Photo: Getty

BREAKING NEWS! According to reports on TalkSport the famous tartan army have just reached the Eiffel Tower… in their thousands. Apparently up to 15,000 jocks are converging on the giant froggy hunk of steel for a bit of a party and a sing song.
That’s all fine, until you find out what they’re singing. “Do-a-deer-a-female-deer!” from The Sound of Music. Can anyone please tell us why the hell they’re singing this? And while you’re at it, can anyone think of any other odd ball International chants. The Italians breaking into the White Stripes Seven Nation Army at the last World Cup instantly comes to mind. As does the German’s singing “Football’s Coming Home” wihtout a trace of irony. So have you heard any other gems? Do Slovakia sing James Blunt? Do Russia sing Back in the USSR?

We’ll be honest we very rarely read the Glasgow Evening Times, due to (a) Pies HQ being 500 miles from Glasgee, and (b) us being HUGE fans of the Glasgow Evening Echo. But yesterday we read the future deep-fried pizza wrapper, whilst researching a feature about head-butting we’re trying to cobble together for some posh magazine. Anyway (or “anyhoo!” as they say in Glasgee) we’ll get to our point. Och!
The paper carried a story on the Tartan Army that has frankly warmed our cold cold heart. The thousands of kilt wearing legends, yesterday bravely forced the French police to re-open their favourite pub without remotely resorting to violence / croissant chucking. It’s a story that puts most football supporters to shame (and even more so us, for illustrating this story with Groundskeeper Willy from The Simpsons)…