By Ollie Irish

Some exclusive(ish) pics of Fulham in training ahead of this weekend’s Prem game against strugglers Everton at the Cottage. Click on any thumbnail to breeze through the gallery with impossible ease:

Photos: PA

                          

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Fulham Chairman Mohamed Al Fayed (left) with club mascot Billy the Badger

Photos: PA

‘SILLY’ points dropped by Man Utd, according to Fergie, though these days a point at Fulham is a useful result. Referee Peter Walton seemingly did his best to help out United, but karma came to Fulham’s rescue, when Nani’s penalty – a poor decision in the first place by Walton – was saved.

Then Big Brede Hangeland, who had earlier scored an own goal, headed home to round off a very entertaining match at the Cottage. A draw was the right result – even Ferguson admitted that.

                          

March 1958: (left to right) Fulham’s Johnny Haynes, Jimmy Hill and Roy Bentley on board a train from Euston Station to Birmingham for Fulham’s FA Cup semi final against Man Utd, held at Villa Park. The game ended 2-2, with United winning the replay 5-3 at Highbury.

No amount of facial hair can conceal the ridiculous size of Hill’s chin. If anything, it draws attention to it. Still, what a fine head of hair.

True fact: Bentley was 33 when this pic was taken. That’s not a typo. Sweet baby Jesus, he looks about 50!

Classic banners: Jimmy Hill is a poof

                          

By Ollie Irish

Fulham owner Mohamed Al Fayed has attacked Roy Hodgson for walking out on the Cottagers to join Liverpool.

Al Fayed said: “We gave him [Hodgson] all the support, we believed in him and he let us down. It’s no problem because Mark [Hughes, the new Fulham manager] is much better. He’s better looking too.

“Roy disappointed the fans, he disappointed the players, he was just a bugger.

“I did everything for him, to help him. But that’s his character. He can’t help it. I forgive him, anyhow and I’m sure he’s going to take Liverpool downhill.”

Quite how Hodgson disappointed the fans by is a mystery to me. I was under the impression he had just led Fulham to their most spectacular couple of seasons ever? Perhaps it was all a dream.

Al Fayed does neither himself – nor Hughes – any favours with this bitter, spiteful rant. The Egyptian relic should shut the hell up if all he’s capable of is spewing forth bile.

Oh, and Hodgson is clearly a much better manager than Hughes. If anything, it’s Hughes who will take Fulham downhill, while Liverpool stabilise under Uncle Woy.

                          

By Ollie Irish

A few brand-new pics of Mark Hughes taken at Craven Cottage, during his first press conference as Fulham’s manager:

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Fulham's new manager Mark Hughes is unveiled at Craven Cottage with chairman Mohamed Al Fayed

Hughes said at the conference: “I made the decision that this is the right club for me at this time. It feels a good fit.”

“The attraction [of Fulham], obviously, is the opportunity to get back into work. I needed to get back to work.”

Hmm, hardly the words of a man who sees the Cottage as his long-term home. The words ‘stepping stone’ spring to mind. Don’t look too far ahead, Sparky, or you will trip.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Of course the best part is when Rodders playfully tries to take the ball of Best, his own team-mate. They don’t make ‘em like Marsh anymore. Nor Best.

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Fulham fans

No goals in the final match of Fulham’s pre-season tour of Scandinavia. There should have been, but Fulham captain Danny Murphy missed a penalty early in the first half. Not like him, he’s usually deadly from the spot.

Next on Fulham’s agenda: finding a new manager before the start of the new season. You can mark that URGENT.

                          

By Ollie Irish

A good runout in Sweden for managerless Fulham, with Zoltan Gera scoring twice and Danny Murphy in fine form. Fulham’s official website has a detailed match report, if you’re interested.

Fulham: Stockdale; Kelly, Baird, Hughes, Konchesky (Smith 62); Duff (Riise 70), Murphy (Dikgacoi 70), Greening, Davies (Elm 78); Gera, Zamora (E.Johnson 70).

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Fulham's Paul Konchesky shares a joke with goalkeeper David Stockdale before the game

Photos: PA

                          

By Ollie Irish

Katy Perry (West Ham) – See that scene in Pulp Fiction when Samuel Jackson’s character explains why he rarely eats burgers: “… My girlfriend’s a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian.” Perry is a West Ham fan only because soulmate Russell Brand is a West Ham fan (a real one). In other words, she’s not a West Ham fan at all and couldn’t tell the difference between Rob Green and Carlton Cole.

Prince William (Aston Villa) – In his early teens, HRH Wills chose to support Villa for reasons of geography and diplomacy: “It’s kind of in the middle of the country, isn’t it?” he said. Translation: “One must be even-handed – and not a little patronising – when dealing with one’s people, mustn’t one?” But he does own a Villa beanie hat, so I suppose some sort of bonus point is in order, your majesty.

David Cameron (Aston Villa) – The current British Prime Minister (Eton, Oxford) is as posh as Prince William, so he also chose a club in Middle England. Why Villa? His uncle, Sir William Dugdale, was Villa’s chairman in the late 1970s. Sir William Dugdale. Sounds like a straight-up hooligan.

Sylvester Stallone (Everton) – Once held up an Everton scarf to the Goodison faithful. Everton are the People’s Club, which fits with Sly’s well-maintained public image as the People’s Shit Action Hero.

Michael Jackson (Exeter City) – “When I asked him what does he know about soccer he said ‘absolutely nothing but I love Exeter City,’” said spoonman Uri Geller, master of bullshit and the self-proclaimed best friend of the now-dead King of Pop. In 2002, Geller saw to it that Jackson was made an honorary director of Exeter. City’s lack of success therafter – ever, to be fair – no doubt drove the final nail into Jacko’s solid gold coffin.

Lily Allen (Fulham) – Cried like a girl when Fulham lost in the Europa League final last season. Funny that, as no Fulham fan I know has ever seen her at Craven Cottage. Maybe twice, then. On this score, the singer can’t touch Hugh Grant, who is a proper Fulham fan and goes all the time, albeit with his wooden face always concealed under a baseball cap.

Tom Hanks (Aston Villa) – “I know a good football match when I see one. Years ago I was watching TV, a pretty good game with Aston Villa and I thought, ‘I like that name and those colours.’ Anybody can root for Chelsea for God’s sake!” Prince William, David Cameron… the co-star of Turner & Hooch. Quite the lineage.

Barack Obama (West Ham) – “Obama is a big sports nut and loves his soccer,” a source once lied. “He never really followed it, though [a-ha!], until he was told all about the passion of West Ham fans by some of his English relatives. He’s always keen to find out how his adopted club are getting on.” Second-hand passion – you can’t beat it.

Mike Tyson (Peterborough United) – Iron Mike showed up at Peterborough’s London Road last week, prompting people to gasp and say “Is that Mike Tyson?! Can’t be.. but it does look like his crackhead uncle.” Tyson grabbed the mic and told the expectant fans that he had never, ever heard of Peterborough United. We appreciate such honesty, really.

Derek Smalls (Shrewsbury Town or West Ham?) – In ‘Spinal Tap’ Smalls is seen wearing both a Shrewsbury Town shirt (the airport scanner scene) and a West Ham cap. Conclusion: Lukewarm is full of crap. Or confused.

                          

By Ollie Irish

Anton Robinson opened the scoring for the newly promoted home side, Bobby Zamora equalised with his head. Both goals came in the first half. And Fulham still don’t have a gaffer. That’s all really.

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Fulham's Danny Murphy during pre-match training