It’s subtle, but it still cuts to the bone…

Via Reddit

                          

By Chris Wright

What’s all this then? Why, it’s the new ‘Eye-Mou’ game for the iPhone that allows players to exact revenge on Jose Mourinho for his ‘fish-hook of doom’, i.e, the moment Mou chose to tickle the retinas of Barca coach Tito Vilanova not so very long ago…

Poke-a-Mou, gotta gouge them all! Incidentally, as of yesterday Mourinho has been slapped with a daunting two-game Copa del Rey ban and a whopping €600 fine for attempting to visually impair one of his opposite number. Justice.

Video: 101GG

                          

By Chris Wright

Huzzah! Razor-merchants Braun have just announced that they have thrust a small fortune Jose Mourinho’s way in return for him signing up as their new ‘global brand ambassador’ – meaning that he’ll now be gouging people’s eyes out with the supreme confidence that having a face as smooth as Isaac Hayes singing a ballad about a baby’s bottom tends to afford a man…

I could be wrong here, but surely Sean Connery (a man who has sported a rather dense, luxurious beard for at least the last three decades) surely isn’t one of the best names to dredge up as a ‘style icon’ after signing up with a brand that specialises in shaving products?

Anywho, feel free to cut this photo of Jose out and blu-tack it to the ceiling above your bed – go on, I dare you…

“My name is Jose, and I’ll keep you safe tonight”

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Real Madrid's Mesut Ozil

Photos: PA

A dominant win (62% possession, 15 shots on target – it should have been much more comfortable) for Jose Mourinho’s New All-Star Galacticos (© Pies) in the Special One’s first European game in charge at the Bernabeu. Martin Jol, the Ajax head coach, even reached for the ‘men against boys’ cliché after the match, to which Mourinho countered with: “It was boys against boys because we have a group of boys, leaving aside Ricardo Carvalho, Iker and Alonso.”

After a sluggish, cautious start in La Liga, which prompted some Madrid fans to jeer and whistle Mourinho (crazy but true), this result, against a proper European team (albeit one that’s seen better days), may well be the start of something beautiful between Jose and Los Merengues. Given Mourinho’s impeccable record in this competition, I wouldn’t bet against C-Ron, Ozil and co. making it to Wembley in May. Maybe against his old club Chelsea?

                          

JOSE Mourinho is quickly building his own team at Real Madrid. He gets the ownership thing: managers need to be fully accountable for their XIs; the good ones put their own unique stamp on a club, which usually involves getting rid of the previous gaffer’s players and systems, and installing new ones.

Mourinho has already signed Sergio Canales, Sami Khedira, Ricardo Carvalho, Pedro Leon, Angel Di Maria and Mesut Ozil. That’s more than half a team right there. But how many of that half-dozen will feature regularly in Real’s first team? Let’s see…

What does Mesut Ozil’s arrival mean for Kaka, who is currently injured?

The formation: As seen at Chelsea and Inter, Jose loves a bit of 4-3-3 and I expect he will dabble with it this season. The increasingly popular 4-2-3-1 is also an option, and one Mourinho may use in the Champions League, I read. Of course, both formations depend on the attacking players also doing a share of the defensive work – but then the Special One has never had a problem getting his players to do what he asks. Look into my eyes, not around the eyes.

Anyway, I’m going with 4-2-3-1:

The line-up:

Iker Casillas (c)

Sergio Ramos – Ricardo Carvalho – Pepe – Marcelo

Sami Khedira – Xabi Alonso

Cristiano Ronaldo – Mesut Ozil – Angel Di Maria

Gonzalo Higuain

Left-back is clearly a weak point, and you can see why Ashley Cole has been linked with Real. Otherwise it’s a VERY strong team, with oodles of pace, power and skill. At DM, Xabi will sit in the middle of the pitch, like a modern-day Jan Molby, and spray the ball around, while Khedira does the box-to-box thing he did so well for Germany in South Africa. The trident of Ronaldo-Ozil-Di Maria is scary. As the spearhead, I picked Higuain over Benzema, because the former is a better goal poacher – and this is a team that should create plenty of chances.

I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours…

                          

By Ollie Irish

Chelsea’s Mr Vain, Ricardo Carvalho, is packing his hair products and potions, and teaming up again with Real Madrid’s new Mr Vain, Jose Mourinho.

Yep, Real Madrid have signed Carvalho from Chelsea, for a fee reported to be around €8m. That’s decent money for a 32-year-old centre-back, but a) Carvalho was superb at the World Cup, proving again his world-class ability, and surely has two or three good seasons left in his legs, and b) The transfer leaves Chelsea with a substantial hole at the back.

Either Chelsea use the Carvalho cash to buy another centre-back, or, with Jose Bosingwa almost fit again, they plan to keep what they have and use Branislav Ivanovic as cover for John Terry and Alex.

Anyway, farewell to Carvalho – Chelsea will miss him. He was an undisputed success in his time in England, when he frequently made Terry look better than he actually is. Ciao Ricardo, and good luck at Madrid. (If memory serves, this is the second time Mourinho has signed him. They work well together, clearly.)

A few pics of Riccy’s Chelsea career, to remember him by (click to enlarge):

Photos: PA

                          

By Ollie Irish

Video via 101GreatGoals

Jose Mourinho won his first game in charge of Real Madrid, 3-2 in a friendly against Mexico’s Club America. Of course he did. Did you expect anything less? Mourinho is a natural born winner and I can’t wait to see Real and Barcelona crack heads this season. It should be titanic.

Cristiano Ronaldo, who finally has a boss at least as arrogant as he is, scored the winner late on with a superb free-kick. Earlier, new signing Sergio Canales opened the scoring. He is such a big talent and will be one to watch in La Liga. He could be to Real what Pedro is to Barca.

I was interested to hear Mourinho praising Ronaldo’s amazing work ethic this week. The one thing about Ronaldo that is often overlooked is his commitment to football – call him a Guido and a narcissist if you want, but don’t call him lazy or out of shape. He really is the most magnificent footballer in so many ways.

Goaly Moly has some fine pics of the game

                          

By Ollie Irish

Links!!

Everton’s new away kit – or it might be the keeper’s change kit (we don’t know yet) – is salmon pink. Very salmon pink [Goaly Moly]

Top 10 unofficial England World Cup songs [Spoiler]

Man Utd want Rafael van der Vaart to replace Scholesy [Mirror]

Read the latest issue of Rio F’s 5 magazine, starring Wayne Rooney and Plan B [# 5]

Real Madrid seal signing of Angel Di Maria from Benfica? A welcome present for Jose Mourinho, perhaps… [Caught Offside]

Donate your best keepy-ups to Oxfam. Go on, it’s for a good cause… [Don't Drop The Ball On Aid]

France confirm final 23-man World Cup squad. Lass Diarra won’t make it [BBC]

Wayne Bridge chats up waitress in LA. Holiday romance ahoy! [Goaly Moly]

Geoff Hurst’s 1966 World Cup final shirt goes on sale. Yours for around £2.3m [FSC]

Back the 2018 World Cup bid. It needs you now, more than ever… [Back the Bid]

                          

By Ollie Irish

A few pics from Inter and Bayern’s final training sessions before the big match in Madrid this evening…

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Inter Milan manager Jose Mourinho

So who’s gonna win? It will be close, you have to imagine. My call: Bayern 1-2 Inter (aet)

                          

By Ollie Irish

Links!!!

Diego Maradona runs over cameraman at World Cup squad announcement – not on purpose, but Diego did then call him an asshole. Which is nice [Guardian]

Top 10 bizarre football video game moments [Goaly Moly]

Chelsea have £17m bid for Yaya Toure rejected by Barcelona [Mirror]

Mad Jens Lehmann has a book out [Kickette]

Bayern winger Arjen Robben thinks former boss Jose Mourinho is too cynical [BBC]

Dunga ruined my marriage [Must Read Soccer]

Phil Brown is a psycho [Twitter]

The six worst footballer-endorsed video games [Betfair]

Metro’s fantasy World Cup game is very good [Metro]

Steven Gerrard says Joe Cole is as good as Messi and Ronaldo… in training [Spoiler]

Use Twitter to manage your Panini swaps! [Swapse.es]

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