SO, how did the season go for Liverpool’s Lionel Messi? Who he? Steven Gerrard told us on August 10, 2010?

“[Lionel] Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can’t even do with a football.

“I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season.”

How’s Barcelona’s Joe Cole getting along..?

Read The Anorak.

                          

By Ollie Irish

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Manchester United's Nani (left) and Liverpool's Paul Konchesky battle for the ball

Photos: PA

Hi folks – you well? I’m back after a long weekend away in Cork for a friend’s wedding, during which time I consumed too much Guinness and sneaked into a pub to watch Sunday’s big game – the All-Ireland football final, in which Cork overcame a dismal first-half display to roar back and beat Down by the narrowest of margins. Up the Rebels!

Anyway, I digress a little… before that I watched Manchester United beat Liverpool, or rather I watched Dimitar Berbatov beat Liverpool. Berba has really come of age in a United shirt now – at this rate he must be judged as their No.1 striker, especially as Wayne Rooney is more versatile and therefore liable to be moved around into whatever round hole is going spare (Wazza finished Sunday’s game on the left wing, specifically in the corner wasting time and wasting it rather well too).

The Bulgarian’s hat-trick was very special, with a stunning overhead kick the jewel in between two expertly taken headers. Is it too far-fetched to suggest that the Theatre of Dreams just found a new Cantona? Yeah, almost certainly, but there’s no doubt that Berba has the X Factor that Rooney plainly lacks.

Liverpool fans should not kid themselves either – their team deserved to lose and were rather lucky to lose by only one goal. United thumped them for 80 minutes but couldn’t take their chances, whilst Liverpool simply capitalised on a purple patch. Again, I have to feel a little sorry for Steven Gerrard, who is just a class above most of his team-mates; it can’t be any fun trying to play a one-two with Paul Konchesky, for example.

                          

By Ollie Irish

An Anfield insider tells me that Liverpool’s dressing-room leaders – Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher, in case you didn’t know – are fast losing faith in Fernando Torres.

Sky Sports fuckwit pundit Jamie Redknapp, who claims to be a big fan of Torres, described Nando’s admittedly lethargic display at Birmingham City on Sunday as ‘terrible’ and ‘diabolical’, and it seems there’s a growing feeling that the Spaniard has fallen out of love with Liverpool, if not the fans who adore him. He was pretty rubbish at St Andrews, appearing like a man going through the motions, and with some reluctance to even do that – Torres doesn’t smile much these days, does he; his body language is obviously that of a discontented man.

In defence of Torres, he signed for what he thought was a much bigger club than Atletico Madrid (Liverpool were sold to him and his people as the Barcelona or Real Madrid of England – that went well, eh) and in 2007 perhaps that was true of Liverpool – but the fact is, he has ended up at another second-tier club, trying to win games almost on his own (along with Gerrard, of course). Torres came to Liverpool to win things and further his career, not to be the leader of a team struggling to qualify for Europe, as he was for Atleti. Back to square one then.

In the light of his undoubted ability, Torres is refreshingly free of Zlatanesque ego, and I think it’s very harsh to criticise a player who has given more than his pound of flesh to the Kop. But I suspect he’s still pissed off that he was injured during the summer transfer window, and so couldn’t get a move away from Anfield.

                          

By Ollie Irish

The footballers you either love to hate or love to love.

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic - Massive tool or massive talent?

Photos: PA

Anyone we missed? Anyone who doesn’t deserve to be there? I tried to avoid players like Gary Neville and John Terry, who are only really hated by people who don’t support the club they play for.

For the record, I love Marmite. Also for the record, this post was not sponsored by Marmite. But, you know, if the people at Marmite read this and want to send us a crate of delicious yeast extract, well, that’s their business. Ahem.

                          

STEVIE G does look, er, rather ‘special’ here:

Don’t laugh.

                          

By Ollie Irish

How will new gaffer Roy Hodgson configure his Liverpool team? Don’t worry about that for now. Remembering that this is just a bit of fun, I want you to pick Liverpool’s best starting XI for the coming season.

I’ll go first…

The formation: Uncle Woy loves a bit of 4-4-2, and he’s dabbled with 4-4-1-1 in pre-season, with Joe Cole buzzing about the area we like to know only as ‘the hole’. But this is where I get to have my say – sorry Woy – and I’m going for the fashionable 4-2-3-1 formation (yes, the one Rafa used, but with more attack-minded players), which I think suits Liverpool’s squad.

The line-up:

Pepe Reina

Glen Johnson – Sotirios Krygiakos – Jamie Carragher -  Daniel Agger

Alberto Aquilani – Steven Gerrard (c)

Dirk Kuyt – Joe Cole  – Milan Jovanovic

Fernando Torres

This is very tough, as I don’t think it gets the best out of Gerrard’s attacking ability, but then I’m a massive fan of Dirk Kuyt and what he offers – heart, lungs, discipline etc. – and so I went for a trident of Kuyt-Cole-Jovanovic, with Poulsen or Lucas alongside Aquilani (the Italian must be given his chance to shine this season – playing both Poulsen and Lucas would be too cautious and Rafa-like), instead of an attacking trio with Gerrard at the centre, behind Torres. Cole’s signing means there is a bit less of an onus on Gerrard to get forward.

Liverpool don’t have a decent left-back right now, so I put the versatile Agger – who can play there – at LB, which doesn’t get the best out of him, but hey, I had little choice.

There. I’ve shown you mine. Now you show me yours…

                          

By Ollie Irish

For a while there it looked like England were about to lose on their own patch against a team with a goalkeeper wearing tracksuit bottoms. Holy shit, that would have been embarrassing. Happily for Capello and England, captain Steven Gerrard stepped up to the plate, scoring two goals – the first was good, the second was world-class, the sort of phone-booth finish Kaka might have pulled off in his prime:

I was at Wembley to watch the match (many thanks to our friends at Umbro for that), and I thought it was an enjoyable match, made all the more enjoyable by some panto booing from England’s most ‘special’ fans. Our World Cup flops were booed as their names boomed out over the PA, then there were boos at half-time after no goals were scored, then their were boos when Hungary took the lead (totally against the run of play, by the way). Then Wayne Rooney was booed when he was taken off, prompting Wazza to respond with some very sarcastic applause to all corners of Wembley; strangely, the sarcastic applause put a stop to the boos. Did fans think he was being sincere?

Overall, there were distinct positives for Capello to take away before the Euro 2012 qualifiers kick off next month. Of the new kids, Kieran Gibbs looks a natural international player, while Jack Wilshere was not overawed either. Others who missed out on South Africa really made an effort to show up Capello’s conservative selection: Adam Johnson played without fear, Bobby Zamora gave the Hungarian defenders headaches and almost scored with a sizzling shot, Ashley Young was also lively down the left. Gareth Barry played the full 90 minutes and looked much more like his old self. Ain’t fitness a wonderful thing.

The only players who didn’t convince were Rooney, who needs a break from England (he’s out of love with international football), Phil Jagielka (Jags is not quite international class in my book; I’d rather have seen Gary Cahill) and Frank Lampard; England looked so much better without Lampard slowing things down in the middle of the pitch. If he’s still around for the Euro 2012 finals – and no, I’m not assuming England will qualify – then I will eat several of my own hats. He’s great for Chelsea, yes, but for England he’s simply awful – it’s time to ditch Lampard and bring on youngsters like Jack Rodwell and Tom Huddlestone. Unlike Lampsy, Gerrard proved he has the heart for a fight and he’s welcome to stay for a few years yet.

Photo gallery:

                          

By Ollie Irish

Can Uncle Woy take the Reds back into the top four?

Goalkeepers – Pepe Reina is one of the best goalkeepers in the world and won’t be leaving Liverpool any time soon. He’s also a real cheerleader within the team and a very popular figure in the dressing room. Diego Cavalieri is a solid enough back-up – not that Reina ever seems to be injured. Hodgson is reportedly keen on signing Australian keeper Brad Jones too.

Defenders – How much longer can Jamie Carragher repel invaders at the heart of Liverpool’s defence? A couple more seasons, probably, but Hodgson will be desperate for Daniel Agger and Martin Skrtel – Carra’s understudies – to remain fit for a whole season, so at least Carra can take the occasional breather. Sotirios Kyrgiakos is more than just a useful squad member too. He adds a real physicality to Liverpool’s back four, and has proven himself to be one of Rafa Benitez’s better value signings. New signing Danny Wilson is a fine young prospect and will be eased into the first team slowly, I imagine.

Whilst Liverpool are brutishly strong at centre-back, they look much less solid at full-back. There is a rather lightweight feel about players like Glen Johnson, Emiliano Insua and Fabio Aurelio. All three can be great going forward but less secure on the back foot. That’s why Hodgson is trying to sign Luke Young, as cover for Johnson. Youngster Stephen Darby, who rarely makes mistakes for Liverpool’s reserves and did okay on loan at Swindon last season, may get the odd game at right-back too – if he stays at Anfield this year. I don’t know who the first-choice left-back will be. Insua has been linked with Fiorentina and, more recently, Genoa, but I’m not sure Hodgson sees Aurelio as his No.1 LB, so if Insua did leave, expect someone more prosaic, like Paul Konchesky, to arrive. Liverpool’s defensive corners need more stability, that much is clear.

Midfielders – Like most Premier League clubs, Liverpool have a lot of midfielders on their books. Check this out: Steven Gerrard, Lucas Leiva, Javier Mascherano (at time of writing), new signing Joe Cole, Alberto Aquilani, Maxi Rodriguez, Damien Plessis, Jay Spearing, Nabil El Zhar, Jonjo Shelvey. And of course Dirk Kuyt and Ryan Babel can play in midfield too. That’s a dozen players right there. So, quantity is not an issue, but quality might be.

Even though he flopped in the World Cup – though not as badly as some England team-mates – Gerrard is still a very, very good footballer, especially for his club. The midfield will be built around the captain, again, with Lucas, Mascherano/new signing Christian Poulsen (having a medical this week) doing the dirty work. Gerrard seems to love Joey Cole and they may well prosper in tandem, while the likes of Aquilani and Rodriguez have yet to convince the Kop of their worth – this is especially true of Maxi, who has done little since he arrived.

What Liverpool need is more cutting edge on the flanks. Rafa tended to shove Kuyt and Babel out there and tell them to run around a lot, but the Dutchmen aren’t true wingers. Perhaps Hodgson will look at bringing in someone he’s worked with before in this position – like Damien Duff? Just a thought. Wigan’s unsettled Charles N’Zogbia would also be a good buy.

Forwards – The good news: Fernando Torres is staying. The bad news: After Torres, who is hardly the most reliable striker in the world (in terms of fitness), the cupboard looks a bit bare. David Ngog flits between brilliance and incompetence, but at least he’s getting better and will score goals this season. Milan Jovanovic is a squad player, not a match-winner, and he may end up playing left midfield anyway. Woy’s wild card is Daniel Pachecho. The 19-year-old Spaniard, signed from Barcelona in 2007, is a brilliant talent and this could be a breakthrough season for him. Hodgson can also experiment with Babel and Kuyt in more advanced roles – if Torres breaks down, he may have no choice.

Formations – Hodgson has already dabbled with a 4-4-1-1, with Joe Cole in the hole behind the lone striker. It worked against Rabotnicki, but will it work so well against Premier League opponents? I don’t see why not – it’s a good role for Cole, as it gives him freedom in a central area. If Poulsen arrives, the gaffer may feel tempted to trial a 4-2-3-1 formation (Rafa’s favourite), with two from Lucas/Mascherano/Poulsen as the DMs sitting behind a trio of more attacking midfielders: Aquilani, Gerrard and Cole, say. I wouldn’t mind seeing how Barcelona/Chelsea’s 4-3-3 plays – Poulsen-Gerrard-Lucas behind Cole-Torres-Kuyt, for example. But based on Hodgon’s past form, Liverpool fans may have to get used to a fluid variation on two banks of four.

Verdict – Liverpool’s squad is talented and enigmatic, with obvious weaknesses (at full-back and in attack), but under the calming management of Hodgson, they will surely finish higher than last season’s seventh place. With expectations on the Kop now adjusted down, no one would be too disappointed with fourth or even fifth. However, I don’t see how they plan to finish above any of Chelsea, Man Utd, Man City, Arsenal and Tottenham, all of whom have significantly better squads.

Prediction – Sixth

Where do you think Liverpool will finish?

Arsenal preview

Chelsea preview

                          

By Ollie Irish

Have fun with this, please. But play nice…

“[Lionel] Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe [Cole] can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can’t even do with a football. I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season.”

Steven Gerrard on his new Liverpool team-mate. But Seriously.

Messi hears what Steven Gerrard said about Joe Cole

I don’t know what to add to this, really. Messi is much better than Cole, obviously. And, er, that’s about it. Gerrard needs glasses. And someone to tell him when to open his mouth. And better taste in music – too much Phil Collins f*cks with a man’s brain. Apart from that, he’s great.

I mean, Joey Cole is a fantastic talent and all, but to compare him with Messi – seemingly based on a few tricks in training and not a lot else – is way beyond absurd. Perhaps if it came to the World Golf Ball Keepy-Up Championship, Cole would prevail. Otherwise, forgetaboutit.

In Big Ronglish, Stevie G has been ‘watching cartoons’ if he thinks any English player can touch Messi.

Via Guardian

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By Ollie Irish

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Joe Cole, Liverpool

Phew. I think Liverpool and Joe Cole are going to get along just fine. Ditto Uncle Woy.

Cole delighted the Anfield faithful with a joyous, unshackled display of the sort he was rarely allowed to produce at Chelsea – and he wasn’t even taken off. As debuts go, this was rather special, even if the opposition was anything but.

Cole spoke afterward: “It was good, I was nervous before the game but it’s always like that when you go to a new club.

“It was good to get 90 minutes in and get the win in the end. The main difference [as a Liverpool player at Anfield] is that I wasn’t getting too much stick! That’s different.

“I enjoyed it, I needed the 90 minutes. I ran out of petrol a bit with 20 minutes to go but it was needed. It would have been nice to have scored but I’m sure that will come soon.”

So Liverpool are safely through, thanks to Cole’s superb contribution and goals by David Ngog and Steven Gerrard (who seemed to relish playing with Cole). Ngog headed home after 22 minutes, from a Cole cross, then Gerrard notched a penalty, in the 40th minute. Job done and you can almost smell the optimism on Anfield.

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