10 January Transfer Rumours We’d Love To See Materialise

Chris Wright

4th, January 2012

24 Comments

By Chris Wright

In no particular order, Pies’ ten-strong run down of the rumoured January deals we’d absolutely love to see come to fruition for one reason or another…

1. Didier Drogba (Chelsea) to Shanghai Shenhua…

Word is that there are several Chinese clubs queuing up to throw upwards of £400,000-a-week at The Drog in order to coerce him into semi-retirement. Wouldn’t it be lovely if one of those clubs happened to be Nicolas Anelka’s new employers, who immediately finds himself falling down the pecking order behind Drogba again on the Ivorian’s arrival. Glorious, glorious schadenfreude!

2. Fernando Torres (Chelsea) returning to Liverpool on loan…

He’s apparently 4/1 with several bookmakers to slunk back to Anfield this month. I mean, can you just imagine?

3. Andy Carroll (Liverpool) returning to Newcastle on loan…

…only to start scoring shedloads again due to the simple fact that Newcastle’s wingers realise that Carroll’s feet are only there to give his legs a suitable place to end and that all his power and prowess is located somewhere just in front of his ponytail.

4. Hulk (Porto) to the upper echelons of the Premier League…

Hulk is, and I will argue this to the death with any comers, one of – if not the most overrated player in world football as things stand. You may well point to his exemplary goal record in Portugal, but the yawning disparity between his grandiose self-regard and his actual talent level is frightening. He’s decent. Nothing more. It’s an almost entirely irrational dislike but, in short, I want to see him shown up.

5. Frank Lampard (Chelsea) to Tottenham…

Not that it’ll happen in a month of Sundays, but it would raise a faint chuckle to see an ageing diva of a midfielder fail to accept that he is being used sparingly for his own good and leave in a huff in search of first-team football, only to find himself even further away from the first-string in Tottenham’s bulging midfield talent pool.

6. Jordan Rhodes (Huddersfield) to the Premier League…

21 years old. 22 goals in roughly as many games this season. Sharp as a tack. There’s plenty of rumoured interest from the top flight in a cheapo gamble on Rhodes (Everton are reported to have made contact, though presumably with the wind whispering ‘Beckford’ at every turn) and you’ve got to fancy that, on current form, the lad has goals – potentially incredibly important goals – in him despite his lack of experience. The same can probably said for Nicky Maynard (who has just been made available by Bristol City) and Southampton’s Ricky Lambert amongst others.

7. Lukas Podolski (FC Köln) to Arsenal…

This same old bloody rumour has swilled around in every transfer window since life first waded from the primordial ooze and it’s time someone – ahem, Arsene, ahem – put it out of it’s misery. While he’s obviously gifted and enticingly versatile, I’m also curious as to how the notoriously patchy Podolski would get on in the Premier League.

8. Kaka (Real Madrid) to Chelsea…

Basically, just to get it over and done with. If Vincenzo Iaquinta and Daniel De Rossi could also join Tottenham and Man City respectively, that would be just plum dandy.

9. Kieran Richardson (Sunderland) to Arsenal…

Hands up, I’m a big fan of Richardson, despite the fact that I get the distinct feeling he may be a bit of an arsehole. As consistent-a-performer as you’re likely to find at Premier League level with a glut of underrated skill at his disposal, a routinely clean strike and an eye for the spectacular. Arsenal need a left-back. Richardson is a left-back (of sorts). Just saying.

10. Carlos Tevez (Man City) to Tottenham…

Tevez the man is obviously an unbearable fanny. Tevez the player would be a real shame for the Premier League to lose.

Any rumours we’ve missed/you feel worthy of inclusion on this list? Feel free to give us a nudge in the comments box below folks…

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Posted in Featured, Top 10s & lists, Transfers & Rumours

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24 Comments

  1. AussieVillan says:

    Alex MacLeish to blue square, north or south doesn’t matter, but at least he will find himself still bereft of ideas

  2. Patrick says:

    Tevez to Columbus Crew in MLS.

  3. Mr. T says:

    A freaking striker (with ability to finish) to Liverpool. Though even that might not help for the next seven games….given our last performance against ManC.

    If nothing else though, this would make the fight for 4th place very interesting.

  4. themada says:

    hulk looks incredible…

  5. Chimpo says:

    i worries you may have kaka on there… dear god no- another in the vein of veron, shevchenko, torres etc etc

  6. Paul Kirkland says:

    @Patrick

    hahahahahaha

  7. peter beardsley says:

    juninho pernambucano to West Brom

  8. __wowza says:

    columbus crew to a toliet.

  9. derpy says:

    So Chris I guess you saw that Porto/Apoel Champions League game, last one of the group stages. He never passed the ball and shot from extreme range and angles that not even players 10 times his ability would try.

  10. Nuno says:

    @derpy
    He could have seen that or almost any other game, Hulk IS overrated, he is just power. Only 1-in-100 shots go on target (he scores that much because portuguese league is crap and last year he had Falcao alongside him).
    No “Sneijder to United” (or any other midfielder) rumour?

  11. Bof says:

    Don’t agree with you on Hulk.

    And is it me, or does Frank Lampard really look like Leo Messi on that photo?

  12. Guy says:

    @Bof
    Change the shoes and add some Legos

  13. Stevesy says:

    Pato to PSG

    Tevez to AC Milan

    Seems fairly obvious.

  14. Tom Jones says:

    If the Drogba one were to happen (which is very unlikely) don’t you think that Shenhua would be able to use 2 strikers?

  15. hunterjinx says:

    @Bof

    yes, it’s you

  16. el_gilbo says:

    Hulk is Hesky with an ego lol

  17. Dragan says:

    Sneijder to united…finally…

  18. leo says:

    Hulk is overrated? Im guessing you watch the Portuguese league week in week out which led you to make such an assertion in a list where you say Kieran Richardson is underrated? The if-it-didn’t-happen-in-england-it-didn’t-happen bias on this article is staggering. I guess I’ll just stick to Ollie’s articles.

  19. Nuno says:

    @leo
    That doesn’t mean he thinks Richardson is better than Hulk… Hulk’s demanded price is far beyond his real value. Richardson’s price is below is value to a team. That hard to understand?
    And Hulk IS overrated because Porto is asking like 100 M€ for him, making him the most valuable player ever, and saying 50 M€ is not even enough to start talking. 50 M€ would be more than a fair price (given today’s inflated prices) or even less (in my book he is less valuable than Falcao who was sold for 45 million). Hulk is just raw power and if he catches a defender who can actually defend he does little to nothing.
    And yes I do watch the portuguese league week in week out.

  20. ok says:

    “he scores that much because portuguese league is crap and last year he had Falcao alongside him”

    Last season he has scored more goals than Falcao and he’s not even a striker. Also, don’t get the “big ego” thing. He looks way more humble than most star players, he could had forced his way out of Porto for way less money than his buyout clause and always stayed loyal to the club – unless some teammates over the last years.

  21. ^^^^^ says:

    well said leo

  22. leo says:

    @nuno I never said that the author asserted Richardson was better than Hulk, which he obviously does not, but I find it a hilarious that he calls a Brazilian international who he does not watch “overrated” while a mug like Richardson who had his chance at United is deemed “underrated”.

    And being overpriced (by one’s club) is different than being overrated (quality judged by the public/pundits)…by that logic pretty much every player at the top clubs are “overrated” because of their ridiculous release clauses (look at all of Barca’s players, Thiago Alcantara’s is also 100mil euros and he’s never played a season of top flight football).

    If it didn’t happen in the EPL, it didn’t happen!

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