Nicklas Bendtner Has ‘Three Demands’ Over Potential Transfer – What Could They Possibly Be?
By Chris Wright
As if told by Liam Neeson that he will be found and he will be killed if he doesn’t leave Arsenal, kidnapper/outbound striker Nicklas Bendtner has warned potential hostage negotiators/suitors that he has some very specific demands that must be met if you’re serious about purchasing him.
Discussing his options (of which remaining at Arsenal is not one), Bendtner told Danish media: “I have three demands and I won’t sign a deal with a club who aren’t prepared to fill those demands.”
Intriguing. Of course, we can only speculate, but…
1. Start with a classic. $1,000,000 in unmarked, non-consecutive bills and a getaway helicopter waiting at the airport.
2. Nicklas Bendtner’s name to be engraved onto all trophies on display in the silverware cabinet of new club. Nicklas Bendtner will also hold all club scoring and appearance records with immediate effect.
3. An enormous golden statue of Nicklas Bendtner to be erected (preferably in ‘Christ the Redeemer’ pose) looking down over whichever town his new club happens to be situated in. If joining club in Rio de Janeiro, original ‘Christ the Redeemer’ statue will unfortunately have to be torn down.
Strange thing is, we’re probably not that far off. Realistically, Nicky Bendts is probably after wage parity, guaranteed boxer short waistband advertising space and boring old chuff like that – but he’s always likely to sneak something ridiculously egotistical in there.
What do you reckon Pies fans? What’s he after?
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Just wants someone to love
demand 1: that his demands are taken seriously
demand 2: that his demands are non negotiable
demand 3: that he is granted further demands so that he can make demands that his previous 2 demands refer to
1 – A large nickerbocker glory before and after every 2nd away game.
2 – The only pre-game music allowed is from Danish super-group Aqua and only from their live album, barbie girl must be played every 3rd song
3 – His boots must be cleaned by a Mexican albino midget who only speaks french
Not that unreasonable in the modern game
1) wants a chain of pizza parlors made in his honor , will call them “Nick’s Pies”
2) Wants to be referred to as “spooky tooth”
3) only clubs spooky tooth will play for are , Barcelona, Real Madrid, Chelsea, City, United, and swindon Town.
1) A guarantee his new club’s shop stocks his jewellery – http://www.bendtnerjewellery.com/ Yes that really is his.
2) A supply of mannequins. bet he a hard on just from the opening bars of Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship. – http://gossip.ladyarse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/bendtner-tweet-2.jpg
3) A supply of decent trousers, with decent belt to keep them up.
1. More gel for his duck’s-arse hair-do. (Or hair-don’t)
2. A decent right foot.
3. That his mother love him again.