By Chris Wright
“Wilshere is a great player who we have met playing against Arsenal and without doubt he can reach the height of the players we have here at Barcelona like Xavi and Iniesta.
“He has a lot of quality and a great personality. If I was given the chance to choose, he is a player that I would sign for Barcelona.”
The words, there, of Barcelona’s premier Quark impersonator and right-back Dani Alves.
*Tap tap tap*
Wilshere lives and breaths Arsenal and signed a bumper new contract last year therefore it’s almost entirely certain he won’t be going anywhere soon, but you all know the drill by now:
One of Barca’s interchangeable talking heads dims the lights, scatters a few rose petals, lights some scented candles, spritzes the air with Sex Panther, reclines on the bed and starts gently purring his ‘come hither’ sweet nothings while the dulcet tones of ‘The Very Best of Michael Bolton’ work their seductive magic in the background.
It starts as nothing more than a mention in passing but soon you’ve got great globs of Barca DNA all over your nice clean sheets.