You know how hard it is to PhotoShop Crouchy’s head onto stuff? Harder than you’d think – he has a strange-shaped head (and a strange-shaped body, for that matter)
This can’t be right. Owen to Man Yoo and now a rumour saying Crouchinho is a target for Milan. Has planet football gone bat-shit crazy overnight?
I’d worry for Peter in Italy. I think they’d all point at him and make jokes about the massive, stick-like Englishman with the hot girlfriend. Pippo Inzaghe would be the worst, I imagine; he’d laugh openly at ‘Pietro the giant’, perhaps even prod him in amazement.
So don’t leave England, Crouchy. You’re safe here. Stay at Pompey or, better still, form a genius ‘little-and-large’ strike partnership with Little Mickey at Old Trafford.