By Chris Wright
Let me list the reasons I hate Arjen Robben with the burning fury of one thousand imploding suns…
1) He doesn’t run, he gingerly minces. So much so, in fact, that I imagine his footsteps sound like that of a dog on a lino floor.
2) He, and you may have noticed this yourselves, feigns career-ending injuries quite regularly only to get up when it suits and keep on gingerly mincing.
3) He will actually coax himself to the point of tears in the pursuit of conning free-kicks.
4) That awful whining, pleading, presumptuous face he makes at referees after ‘having his legs swiped’ by a lesser being.
5) He seems to be ageing at twice the normal human rate.
6) He’s a terrible c**t and a poster child for the selfish on-field arrogance and nefarious con-artist mindset that pervades modern football.
7) This kind of thing…
Lord how I loathe that man.