By Chris Wright

In which, during an U17s friendly somewhere in France (the two teams involved are apparently AS Villaret and S.O.M, though we haven’t got a clue which way round they are), a goalkeeper takes a heavy touch, comes bounding out of his box and kindly performs an emergency appendectomy on an onrushing striker with one of the most horrendous studs-up lunges we’ve ever seen…

Jesus wept, that is grim. The slow motion replay is almost impossible to watch without getting an uncomfortable twitch in one’s nether regions.

Something tells us the poor old striker’s dreams of fatherhood may have just gone up in smoke.

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