By Alan Duffy
Self-induced humiliation is apparently a global phenomenon. After looking at the five most memorable English footballer pop disasters last week, we now turn our attention to the rest of the world, where, like at home, the footballing ego knows no bounds.
1. Basil Boli & Chris Waddle – We Got A Feeling
Credibility rating: 3
Rather than brutally kill any musical aspirations Chris Waddle may have had, the “Diamond Lights” debacle bizarrely seemed to whet the Geordie winger’s appettitie for even more sonic abberations. Teaming up with his then Marseilles team-mate Basil Boli, Waddle lays down some dopey rhymes and gurns like an utter buffoon in the “wacky and “zany” video. Eurotrash indeed.
2. Clint Dempsey aka “Deuce” with Big Hawk & XO – Don’t Tread
Credibility rating: 8
The Fulham striker leaves Waddle’s rapping for dead, in this rather credible hip-hop extravaganza. The obligatory obese rapper (Big Hawk) shares the rhyming duties with “Deuce” on a cut which discusses the dangers of leaving your studs in when challenging for the ball. Possibly.
3. Ruud Gullit & Revelation Time – South Africa
Credibility rating: 7
With moustache still firmly in place, and funky dreads cascading down his face, Dutch legend Ruud Gullit gets on a political tip with reggae troubadors Revelation Time back in 1988, bemoaning the state of affairs in South Africa. As honoured as I’m sure they were to have Gullit on board, the band still had enough nous to only give the big man a few words to warble and no more.
4. Ryan Babel & Royston Drenthe – 101 Barz Studio Session
Credibility rating: 5
A former Red and a new Blue join forces in this pared-down, hardcore rap-fest. It’s in Dutch, but you should be able to make out words such as “shit” and tings. Merseysiders With Attitude.
5. Cristiano Ronaldo – Amor Mio
Credibility rating: 1
Recorded for an advert for some banking establishment or other, the twinkle-toed Ronaldo does his best to croon a famous ballad. To be fair to the Galactico, he look rather mortified by the whole thing, presumably focusing instead on the massive pay cheque he’ll get at the end of the painful experience. If his singing was a player, it would be William Prunier.