Mail Football Hack Martin Samuel Injures Hand At World Cup, Wife Flies Out To The Rescue

Ollie Irish

17th, June 2010


By Ollie Irish

Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

Bloated Daily Mail hack Martin Samuel, the Jabba the Hutt of football writers, has injured his hand whilst covering the World Cup in South Africa. We’re not sure how – too much time spent watching the ‘special’ TV channels in his hotel room, perhaps? – but now he can’t type well enough to do his job.

Happily, help is at hand (boom) for Samuel, as the Guardian’s Media Monkey confirms:

“… fortunately his paymasters at Associated have come up with a solution. They’ve flown out his wife to do his typing for him. Isnt’ that nice?”

I didn’t know Samuel had actual hands! I thought he pawed at his laptop with two massive slabs of ham, which he also occasionally gnaws on when hungry.

Posted in World Cup

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  1. Tony says:

    Bah surely he can hold a pencil between his teeth and type with that. Oh wait, he’d probably eat the pencil

  2. Garth Crooks says:

    Very fat, but a good football writer. Can’t imagine he has ever kicked a football though, or ever seen his own penis.

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