‘For F**k’s Sake, Is This A Boarding School For Girls?’ – Hoeness Riled By Questions After Ribery Ducks Heyncke Handshake

Chris Wright

23rd, February 2012


By Chris Wright

‘Twas a pretty pap game all-in-all, but Bayern Munich lost 1-0 to FC Basel in Switzerland last night thanks to a goal from young Valentin Stocker, with the German giants’ misery being compounded by the furore surrounding an incident in the 71st minute, when Franck Ribery was hauled off and failed to shake hands or make eye contact with coach Jupp Heynckes on his way to the bench…

With the result in mind, things were a little fraught in the Bayern camp already before a German journalist pursued the matter of Ribery’s lack of sporting decorum with the club’s president Uli Hoeness at the post-match press conference.

Hoeness wasn’t particularly obliging in his response:

“Just stop with your f**king handshake questions. All of you! You just keep talking about that handshake, for f**k’s sake! Who wants to shake hands after such a match?! Are we at a boarding school for girls here or what?”

Hoeness then burst into flames, set fire to the carpet and exploded up through the roof and into space in a shower of plasterboard and ceiling tiles, yelling “F**KING HAAAAAAANDSHAKES!!!!” as he set his fiery course for the heart of the Sun.