By Chris Wright
He’s back…
We’ll spare you the borderline-erotic details, but Mourinho’s first press conference on his return to the Bridge is currently underway and the nation’s football press are, as you’d expect, quickly turning into an orgy of sycophancy.
Basically it’s a hundred-strong throng of repressed adult males frothing themselves into an ecstatic frenzy over the middle-aged Portuguese bloke you see above.
You can watch it live here if you wish, though viewer discretion is advised.