By Chris Wright
Giving a fascinating insight into the beige mind of one of the most beige people in existence, the Guardian’s Small Talk chaps have been busy interviewing BT Sport pundit Michael Owen ahead of the new season.
The transcription of the informal chat is a rollicking rollercoaster ride of stultifying dullness – Didier Drogba might do well on his return to Chelsea, Owen travels in silence in the car as he’s “happy with his own thoughts”, he likes extra mature cheddar but not tattoos, etc, etc – but it’s Micky’s love of cinema that really captures the imagination of the reader…
What’s the last film you saw?
It’s very boring, but I don’t watch films. I think I’ve seen about five in my life. I just can’t get into them. I do try – someone will say, ‘Watch this film, it’s great,’ and I’ll try but after half an hour, 40 minutes I can’t take it any longer.
So what were those five?
They must have been absolutely terrible. Rocky, Jurassic Park, Cool Runnings, Ghost. Um, I can’t remember any more. [Small Talk drums fingers on table encouragingly] Er … and Heat. I’ve seen Heat. I can’t think of any more.
Then came a real tricky fizzer of a question:
Who would play you in a film of your life?
What, an actor? I don’t know any actors.
Thanks Michael, goodbye.
Someone get this chump a copy of “The Brave Little Toaster”, stat!