San Marino have fired a return volley at Thomas Muller after the Germany forward questioned the relevance of having to play against them after Friday’s World Cup qualifier between the two sides.
As was inevitable, the World champions walloped their hosts 8-0, leading Muller to complain that “matches like [this one] have nothing to do with professional football.”
Thankfully, San Marino’s press officer Alan Gasperoni wasn’t about to take that slight lying down and set to work cobbling together a 10-point, itemised list of reasons for Muller to care about playing international football against other, perfectly legitimate international teams.
Here’s the full translation (via The Mirror):
Dearest Thomas Muller,
You’re right. The games like that on a Friday night, they’re nothing. To you.
On the other hand, dear Thomas, you do not need to come to San Marino for almost nothing in a weekend in which, without the Bundesliga, you could have spent with your wife on the sofa of you luxury villa or, who knows, you could have taken part in some events organised by your sponsors to bank several thousand euros.
I believe you, but allow me to give 10 good reasons for which I think the San Marino-Germany match was very useful and if only you could could think about it and let me know what you think:
- It served to show you that not even against the teams as poor as ours you can’t score a goal – and don’t say you weren’t pissed when Simoncini stopped you scoring…
- It served to make it clear to your managers (and even Beckenbauer and Rummenigge) that football is not owned by them but by of all those who love it, among which, like it or not, WE are included.
- It served to remind hundreds of journalists from all over Europe that there are still guys who follow their dreams and not your rules.
- It served to confirm that you Germans you will never change and that history has taught you that “bullying” is not always guarantee of victory.
- It served to show the 200 guys in San Marino who play the game for whatever reason why their coaches ask them to always work their hardest. Who knows – maybe one day all their sacrifice will not be repaid with a game against the champions of the world.
- It served to your Federation (and also to ours) to collect the money of image rights with which, in addition to paying you for your trouble, they can build pitches for the kids of your own country, schools, and make football stadiums safer… Our Federation, I’ll let you in on a secret, is building a new football pitch in a remote village called Acquaviva. You could build it with six months of your salary, we’ll do it with the rights of 90 minutes of game. Not bad right?
- It served to a country as big as your pitch in Munich to go in the paper for a good reason, because a football match is always a good reason.
- It served to your friend Gnabry to begin with, in the national team and scoring three goals.
- It made some Sanmarinese people a little happy to remember that we have a real national team.
- It’s served to make me realise that even if you wear the most beautiful adidas kits, underneath you’re always the ones that put white socks under their sandals.
With Love, your Alan.
Well played sir.
The first game may have been a one-sided drubbing, but the second leg definitely finished 1-0 to San Marino.