Top 5 Best And Worst New Premier League Kits For 2013/14

By Chris Wright

It’s kit launch season at the mo, so we though we’d cast our beady peepers around the Premier League club shops and duly rate and slate their wares for next season – starting with the five strips that have had us purring with delight since they walked into our lives…

1. Manchester City 13/14 home

To our eye, City’s new Nike strip – after a couple of years of fairly stagnant Umbro designs – is a thing of crisp, minimal beauty…


2. Manchester City 13/14 away

We’re goddamn suckers for a black kit and the oh-so-subtle half-and-half design that City will be wearing on their travels next season is a little ripper…


3. Norwich 13/14 home

Ordinarily speaking, yellow’s not really our thang but, never-the-less, we have a hankerin’ for the smart, clean lines of the Canaries’ new home strip – though what are we supposed to be “daring to dream” about? Lower mid-table obscurity?


4. Chelsea 13/14 away

In a tribute to Stamford Bridge legend Khalid Bouhlarouz, Chelsea have drawn inspiration from the 2006 Holland away strip – which is perfectly okay by us…


5. Fulham 13/14 home

Released today, that thing’s just sexy. Can you imagine Berba wearing it, spread-eagle on an bearskin rug by the fireside, the air heady with cigar smoke as he sensually swills a glass of brandy and makes come hither eyes at y…oh Christ, we’ve gone too far again…


And onto the five most gruesome, eye-saddening kits that are set to sully our conscience next season, beginning with Warrior’s double-barreled assault on our corneas…

1. Liverpool 13/14 away and third

This is what happens when you snort your body weight in Ketamine before setting about designing football kits (what are the odd socks all about?). Considering this is Warrior we’re talking about here, Liverpool’s new togs actually could’ve been far, far worse – they could’ve had “gloryholes“…


2. Swansea 13/14 away

The visual representation of an epileptic fit…


3. Aston Villa 13/14 away

It’s got “arse-end of the Football League show” written all over it…

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4. Manchester United 13/14 away

Dismal in the truest sense of the word. Here’s us thinking we were done with all this Gingham bollocks…


5. Swansea home, Stoke away, Sunderland home, Southampton home, West Ham away, West Brom away, Hull City home and away (and there are more yet to be released)

With so many clubs opting for the exact same generic off-the-peg Adidas design, mid-to-lower-table is going to look about as dull as ditchwater next season…




Any 2013/14 kits out there that have caught your eyes (possibly for all the wrong reasons) Pies fans?