Top 10 annoying things Premier League footballers do

Ollie Irish

14th, December 2009


Things that Prem footballers do which make you go ‘Gah!’


1. Wearing massive headphones as they get off the team bus
We get it: You’re street, you’re anti-authority, you’re a bit of a rebel. But you look like a dick.

2. Wearing massive headphones in post-match interviews
See above.


3. Pointing to the name on the back of their shirt after doing something impressive
I lump this in with vainglorious players who run immediately to fans after celebrating a goal. Everyone knows that real team players run first to their team-mates.



4. The ‘I’m one of you really’ over-the-head round of applause to thank fans in a visibly sincere manner
As perfected by John Terry.

5. Waving an imaginary yellow/red card at the referee
Something the authorities have clamped down on in recent seasons, but of course it still goes on. It. Grinds. My. Gears.

6. Saying ‘Like I say’ in interviews
Examples: “Like I say, I kicked the ball and it went in.” Or, “Like I say, I saw the ball coming towards me and I saved it.”


7. Shushing opposition fans after scoring a goal
Also see: cupping one ear in the direction of opposition fans

8. Giving team-mates shit nicknames
Adding a Y to the surname is really showing a desperate lack of imagination. Which leads us neatly into No.9…

r. kelly 2

9. Listening to utterly shit music
It’s usually chart-friendly R&B, preferably with Auto-Tuned chorus. Inexplicably, R Kelly is a particular favourite. For the record, ‘Trapped in the Closet’ = genius. Everything else R Kelly has ever done, bar the remix of ‘Ignition’ = noise pollution.


10. Driving massive, shiny SUVs
You’re not starring in an R Kelly video in LA, you’re driving to training on a crappy A-road from your mock Tudor pile in Cheshire. Sell your 4X4 Escalade, or whatever hulking piece of chrome-finished junk it is you drive, often at illegally fast speeds, and buy a fricking Honda Civic.

What do footballers do that grinds your gears?

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  1. Hootie says:


  2. Souksonne says:

    Spar with the corner flag a la Tim Cahill

  3. Gaytiger says:

    Spitting. Why? When I played I could have drunk the pub dry afterwards. Rugby, cricket, tennis, etc, etc dont do it.


    Not retiring 10 yds at a freekick or standing in front of the ball to slowup play to let your defence trundle back. Urged as proper play by Hansen in MotDay


    All that shirt pulling in the box ignored by Refs at corners, etc


    Taking ball into corner to waste last few minutes. Called unprofessional if you dont do it.

    OR 1001 other things!

  4. Delboy Dublin says:

    The Didier Drogba/Kolo Toure panicked-hands-on-head-eyes-wide-open gesture when they get (rightly) booked/ruled offside/concede a penalty. Also any player who wears gloves but does not play in goals

  5. Gregor says:

    Headphones? How are headphones anti-authority? Sometimes people like to listen to tunes (comfortably) on the bus.

  6. Peter says:

    Wtf get a life man you complain like Didier Drogba. WTF total bullshit reading.

  7. another guy called ollie says:

    saying ‘at the end of the day’

  8. Ben says:

    Interview technique in general – a grammatical nightmare, stuffed full of unbelievable cliches. What I wouldn’t give for a bit of sarcasm in the post-match…
    Garth Crooks: so Peter, you wait and wait and then three come at once, goals are a bit like buses, eh?
    Peter Crouch: yes, Garth. Goals are like buses. [shakes head and walks away]

    The imaginary yellow card thing makes me scream every time, close but not quite as bad are: wagging the finger to a referee like he’s a child who’s learnt how to burp on cue, shouting “I got the ball” and making the shape of the ball with one’s hands, as if a) the ref doesn’t know what a ball looks like, and b) 40,000 people didn’t just see you foul your opponent, general dismal acting, the whole I’m so shocked by that appalling decision that it requires me to put my hands to the top of my head, as if ANYONE actually reacts like that in real life!!

    Sorry Peter, by the way, this is more “WTF total bullshit” in your eyes, but you know, I actually really love football and hate the things that are shit about it (plus I’ve had a crap day at work), so please forgive me for ranting.

  9. DCDJ says:

    Peter, you are hilarious.

    I also hate the ‘pointing at the shirt’ thing. In interviews, it’s the inclusion of any phrase to give the footballer thinking time before he spews forth some more bland positives: ‘Like I said’, ‘You know’ (Defoe in particular was awful when he was at Portsmouth), ‘At then end of the day’etc. Also (although I sort of warm to him) a lot of what Redknapp says: ‘triffic.

  10. Chringle says:

    Badge kissing.

    I believe Adebayor used to kiss the Arsenal badge when he scored as he loved the club and the fans so much…

  11. AP says:

    “At the end of the day” is possibly the singlemost annoying sentence crafted by man. Ever.

  12. CK says:

    Immediately after being fouled (or not), when the player goes to ground and hugs the ball before the whistle is blown.

  13. spectator says:

    sneakily moving the ball just over the edge of the circle when taking a corner or a penalty. can you honestly not kick it the further two inches?

    also i have to agree with gregor, the headphones aren’t a big deal. if they wear them in an ‘i’m all urban and what-not’ way then that’s just regulation posing and the headphones are incidental.

    it would warm my heart if i discovered that robinho or drogba drove a civic.

  14. jack says:

    Sorry but whats wrong with 4?! are you trying to say John terry is patronizing the fans?! clapping them for their support and the appreciation of them to come watch the game in the first place rather than clapping them in a ‘normal’ way or not at all. what a bastard.

  15. jack the lad says:

    It doesn’t bother me what’s listed on here. quite a shit article. no offense Ollie.

  16. BitterBlue says:

    Drogba….Doesn”t have to do anything to annoy me just seeing his massive head is enough.

  17. Anonymous says:

    When asked something along the lines of

    ‘You must have been pleased with that 30 yard strike’

    for them to actually say

    ‘God i know, it was immense wasn’t it’

    as opposed to

    ‘its always nice to score but more importantly the team won.’

    or of course you could go down the legendary Micah Richards route.

    ‘You must be pleased to score your first ever professional goal Micah?’

    Micah- ‘I fucking am yeah.’


  18. MartinHatter says:

    Dedicating a goal to someone. Why? Tim Cahill does it all the time, presumably to show how thoughtful and sensitive he is.

    It just makes him look like a egotostical twat. Maybe next time he could dedicate a mis-timed pass that gave the opposition a scoring opportunity to “all the victims of thr Crimean war” or something.

  19. Daniel says:

    This clapping habit with footballers reminds me of a bunch of chimps (albeit very rich chimps. The managers are just as bad and it has even spread to the child ‘mascot’. Which brings me to another very annoying tendency of each player bringing a young child onto the pitch with then. Why?

  20. Greg Sexton says:

    Why is every game described as MASSIVE by these people?

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