By Chris Wright
1. ‘Fake’ whistles in the crowd: Oh, just f**k off.
2. Seven Nation Army: ‘Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr…’
3. Kick-off countdowns: See No. 1.
4. Martin Keown: Through humourless, moribund dullardry, Keown somehow managed to stand out as the crappest co-commentator in a field which also included Mark Bright and his particular brand of feverishly asthmatic balderdash.
5. UEFA’s tariffs: We wholeheartedly agree that having the name of a non-UEFA approved sponsor sewn into your pants is a mortal sin and a crime against humanity worthy of a £86,000 fine, but when the penance for wearing daft pants is more than the cumulative total fine for several separate instances of hostile racist abuse and the like, you have to start asking a few questions.
6. Mark Lawrenson: Again with the co-coms. Now, we’re not usually the slightest bit bothered by Lawro’s penchant for lethargic whinnying and/or instant dismissal of anything even approaching pre-prepared statistics, but he actively ruined games this time round – playing up to his Eeyore-esque caricature like never before; failing to provide that ironic, lovably cantankerous counterpoint he’s obviously striving for while awkwardly shoe-horning in dismal puns and generally commentating like it was his last day at work and he just didn’t give a toss anymore. Gah.
7. Puns about the Greek debt: Everyone was trying to shovel a ‘reducing the deficit’ line in. Everyone.
8. The diving: As noted, the standard of officiating was fairly good in Poland and Ukraine, with amount of full-blown diving was significantly lower than we’ve seen in recent times BUT the old ‘falling down is easier than playing football properly’ routine was still pandered to by referees far too much over the course of the tournament. Why, even the great majestic Pirlo tried it a couple of times. As good as he was at Euro 2012, Pepe’s pitiful feigning of an aerial elbow from Robin van Persie still stands out as a low point.
9. UEFA’s team of the tournament: Obviously the ‘team of the tournament’ is entirely subjective, means next to nothing in the grand scheme and a lot of it we couldn’t really quibble with anyway, but we just wish UEFA’s technical group had shown a little more imagination beyond plumping for the ‘usual suspects’. For example; good as they were, Pique, Busquets, Xavi and David Silva have not really had stand out tournaments. Surely a gestural nod for the efforts of the likes of Daniel Agger, Joao Moutinho and Mats Hummels in Poland and Ukraine wouldn’t have gone amiss?
10. The waiting: It’s the hardest part. We’ve had to go two whole bleedin’ football-less days until the 2012/13 season starts with Champions League games qualifying later today. Torture.
Any more for any more Pies fans? Anything bug the living frik out of you at Euro 2012?
Suggested further viewing…
10 Things We Sincerely Enjoyed About Euro 2012