Horror Hair: Top 10 David James disasters


26th, April 2007


In the week that Portsmouth keeper David James broke the record for the most number of Premiership clean sheets, Pies acknowledges one man’s outstanding contribution to the art of Horror Hair.
david%20james.JPG1 The Fun Boy Three
Despite this picture, Pies can confirm that James in fact spent the late 1980s and early 1990s as a Watford player and not as a member of Fun Boy Three.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 7 out of 10

Proto-Wes%20Brown.JPG2 The Proto Wes Brown
As you can see Jamo was pioneering the cornrow braids before various rappers, hip-hop artists and the likes of Rio Ferdinand and erm… Wes Brown made them fashionable. Snigger
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 6 out of 10
Eminem.JPG3 The Slim Shady
Well, those two opening examples of Horror Hair would be enough to have anyone reaching for the bottle, but Jamo chose peroxide rather than his favourite tipple for this Eminem-style effort.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 6 out of 10
Abel.JPG4 The Abel Xavier’s slightly less crazy brother look
DJ keeps the faith with the bleach for this grown out mini-fro look. Your roots need doing, lovey! There is a slight monochrome look to this distinctly grey shade of blond.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 5 out of 10
Albino%20afro.JPG5 The Albino Afro
AKA The Abel Xavier’s slightly crazier brother look. Up there with the best of Jamo’s worst haircuts, if you know what I mean.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 9 out of 10
Ginger%20Afro.JPG6 The Ginger Afro
Ah, his finest hour! We’re into Carlos Valderrama territory here. I seem to recall that this involved an accident with some hair dye going the wrong colour. You would hope this wasn’t the intended look, but why not shave it off once it had gone wrong, Jamo? ‘Cos you’re a Horror Hair legend, that’s why!
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 10 out of 10
afro.JPG7 The Kinky Afro
We are now approaching natural colour, sort of. James heads back to black via auburn. The most worrying thing is that this one doesn’t look too bad compared to what has gone before. A return to relative normality for Jamo, but it never lasts for long!
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 4 out of 10
Side-parting.JPG8 The Greasy Side-Parting
From earlier this season, the infamous short-lived 1940s-esque greasy side-parting. What he was thinking? And does anyone know the point of doing something as daft as this for the sake of being different and then getting rid of it as soon as it gets the inevitable slating?
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 9 out of 10
Fresh%20Prince.JPG9 The Fresh Prince Flat-top
The greasy side-parting was soon miraculously transformed into this Will Smith flat-top, which looks like it should pre-date The Fun Boy Three look of his Watford days. Boom! Shake, shake, shake the room!
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 6 out of 10
The%20Neanderthal.JPG10 The Neanderthal
Having waited for a few games to break the Premiership record for most clean sheets, James claimed he would not shave until the record was his. He presumably soon saw photos like this, thought better of it and had a shave pronto.
Horror Hair-o-meter rating: 6 out of 10

Posted in Horror Hair, Top 10s & lists

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  1. OmegaSupremeho says:

    LMAO @ “The Ginger Afro” wtf was he thinking, wtf is he ever thinking.

  2. Timothy B. says:

    I’m waiting for him to grow a full sized 70s style afro big enough to lose a football in.

  3. Joe says:

    Jesus, do you see how much he looks like Mahmood Ahmadinejad (bastard to type), the Iran president-ish fellow, in that last one? Uncanny…