Pies Exclusive: The Brochure For Cristiano Ronaldo’s New CR7 Luxury Hotel

Chris Wright

18th, December 2015



With Cristiano Ronaldo announcing that he’s planning to sink £54million of his own money into a line of luxury hotels, Pies thought we’d do a little digging into the Real Madrid man’s latest business venture.

As you may have guessed, Ronaldo is planning to theme each of the hotels after his only true passion in life: himself.

Incredibly, despite the first CR7 hotel (under construction in Ronaldo’s home town on Funchal, Madeira) not being scheduled to open for a week or two, we managed to get our hands on one of the brochures.

It really does look amazing.

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Rooms are tastefully furnished with neutral décor. A home from home!


All bedrooms feature stunning CR7 ceiling frescos. Positioned directly above the bed for maximum effect.


All bed linen and towels come pre-stained with fake tan for authentic Sleep like Cristiano™ experience. Choose from a range of tones between ‘sun-dried tangerine’ and ‘dusky creosote’ (as pictured).


Beauty regime. Gentleman’s leg waxing, body oiling and eyebrow plucking sessions available daily.

Portugal Soccer

5-Star bar and restaurant. Beverages and soups are served from a variety of luxury silver drinking vessels.


Enjoy the gardens. Set in a little over two acres of plush, verdant grounds. Turf is immaculately manicured and perfect for rolling around on at your leisure.

Portugal Soccer Champions League Final

Facial Fitness gym suite available on site. Face feeling a little on the slack side? Why not tone up, Cristiano style!


Relaxing Day Spa facilities open to all. Let our skilled staff take care of your aches and pains.


Personal valet service. For those who would rather leave the burden of parking their car to someone else.


Complimentary CR7 underwear cake available on request. Something clammy and sickly to tuck into on the way home.


Enjoy your stay!