Defying The Odds: 10 Footballers Who Succeeded Despite Having No Neck

Chris Wright

4th, January 2016


In which, for no reason other than because we can, Pies pay humble tribute to those professional footballers who simply refused to let a distinct lack of neck hold them back in their ascent to greatness/mediocrity.

Without further ado, let’s dig in…

Carlos Tevez

Famously lost his Adam’s apple in a wheat threshing accident as a child…

Carlos Tevez gave Juventus a 2-1 win in the Champions League semi-final first leg with Real Madrid

Xherdan Shaqiri

The man is all shoulders…


David Ospina

Making crew collars look like polo necks since ’88…


Louis van Gaal

No definable neck as such – just a baffling array of chin and jowl…


Diego Maradona

There was a time when El Diego boasted a neck. However, that time has long since passed…


Andy Reid

Built like a dishwasher. Perfectly cuboid…


Jan Molby

Classy player in day. As the old cliché goes, the first three inches (of his neck) were in his head…


Stan Lazaridis

Always looked like two midgets in a Birmingham kit…


Craig Bellamy

Fun fact: Bellamy was actually offered the lead role in Willow before Warwick Davis…


Andy Impey 

The grand high maester of no-neckdom. Not even a gullet to speak of. Basically a human terrapin.


Any honourable mentions, Pies fans? Let’s hear ’em…