A list Pies felt duty bound to compile for the good of mankind, here’s 10 footballers that we think look a bit like dodgy magicians…
Mats Hummels
He’ll steal your woman and your wallet, and anything else that isn’t nailed down…
Robert Pires
His elaborate illusions were once the toast of old Paris, though that was before ‘the incident’…
Sandro Wagner, Darmstadt
Stage hypnotist under investigation by the local constabulary…
Roberto Rivelino
Swarthy and moustachioed. Like the nefarious funfair owner they unmasked at the end of every episode of Scooby Doo…
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Lives as a recluse in the Swedish tundra after faking his own death to escape a multi-million pound lawsuit…
Jose Enrique
Far too well-groomed to be trusted with anything…
Dimitar Berbatov
Cares little about the charges brought against him by the Magic Circle…
Gareth Bale
Had his ‘Young Welsh Conjurer Of The Year, 2006’ award revoked in mysterious circumstances…
David Villa
Worked the Mediterranean cruise ship circuit until a series of complaints were made…
Luciano Spalletti
Not allowed to do children’s parties any more…
And yes, before you mention it, we’re well aware this is mostly just a list of men with slightly iffy facial hair. So be it.
Honourable mentions…
Felice Centofanti (c/o James Taylor)
Professional pirate/magician – a ‘piragician’ if you will…
Any more for any more, Pies fans? Give us a nudge and we’ll tack any half-decent suggestions on the bottom.