With Neymar about to make the second show-stopping enormo-move of his career, Pies thought we’d offer a timely glimpse back into his humble-ish beginnings at Santos.
Specifically, we simply fancied making fun of his old 2008-2013 hairstyles, almost all of which were astounding exercises in follicular folly.
So here, presented with our finest technical descriptions, is the best/worst of the pre-Barcelona era presented in chronological order…
‘Newborn Foal (w/Placenta)’ (May 2010)
‘Standard Short-Back-And-Sides w/ Three Mummified Stick Insects’ (2010)
Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase I (Sep 2010)
Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase II (April 2011)
Roadkill Mohawk – Wet Look (April 2011)
Cinematic Masterpieces Collection: Rufio Tribute (June 2011)
Cinematic Masterpiece Collection: Tina Turner in Mad Max III Tribute (June 2011)
Radiation Sickness (July 2011)
Norfolk Simpleton (July 2011)
Portable Boot Scraper (July 2011)
The ‘Somebody Left The Neymar Waxwork Facing The Radiator’ (July 2011)
Botched Platypus Taxidermy (August 2011)
‘Hat Must Be Worn Because Hair Has Become Sentient’ (Sep 2011)
High On Peroxide Fumes (October 2011)
Acute Peroxide Poisoning (December 2011)
Coldstream Guard (May 2012)
The ‘Jesus Didn’t Die For This’ (May 2012)
Drowned Sewer Rat (June 2012)
The Strangled Tangle With Mullet-Like Dangle (July 2012)
Post-Apocalyptic Street Orphan (July 2012)
The ‘What’s Got Two Thumbs And Looks Like A Brass Dildo?’ (2013)
And that was pretty much the last of Neymar’s out-and-out disaster barnets, right up until this little corker from June 2017…
Pies fans, please feel free to pick your own name for that modern day abomination!