Are You, Or Have You Ever Been, A ‘Full-Kit Wanker’?

Chris Wright

28th, August 2012


By Chris Wright

There is a phenomenon silently being chronicled on our behalf of which everyone is aware and yet dare not speak it’s name – the shameful, shameful existence of the ‘Full-kit wanker’: a grown man who is happy to be seen, striding around in public wearing a full football kit; shirt, shorts, socks, even shinnies – the whole kit and caboodle.

Everton fan and part-time blogger Richard Price has begun documenting the evolution of the ‘FKW’ – apparently abundant in the Merseyside area – with a subtle, almost undetectable bias toward making fully-grown Liverpool fans look like utter tits (not that they need much help)…

The worst part? We all know this isn’t just a Liverpudlian vice. There are adult males across the country and the footballing spectrum currently pulling their socks right up and wallowing in this kind of lurid filth.

Time to ‘fess up: Have you ever been a FKW or known someone that was? It’s time to let the healing begin…

(Via the excellent Full-Kit Wankers – head over for more info on full-kit wankery!)

Posted in FAIL, Featured, Funnies, Kits & fashion, Liverpool, Photos

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  1. no-way says:

    Oh no….

  2. Will says:

    I was a FKW every Christmas day as a child.

  3. Mark says:

    Pies, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Going back to work on the Tuesday after a bank holiday weekend is always a downer, but this has lifted me from said slump. There’s no club better suited to such wankery either.

  4. TSPOT says:

    Haha this must be a scouse thing because even at 5 a side in Manchester I haven’t seen a full kit Wanker. I haven’t had a players name on my back nor wore a shirt for purposes other than playing football since I left Gorsefield Primary School in 1996!!

  5. barf says:

    I do own a few ‘Full Kits’, but have never actually donned the FKW look for 5-a-side or training. It’s usually the shorts and socks with a ratty old t-shirt or the shirt with a totally mismatching undergarb.

    Never the twain shall meet, however.

  6. plops says:

    Brilliant. I’m glad there’s now a term for these people. It’s bad enough seeing a grown man wearing a football shirt (see also anyone over the age of about 18 wearing a band t-shirt), but the whole kit is a truly wonderful sight.

  7. Tim says:

    only on Halloween or on the pitch, but never in the streets!!! grow up

  8. Wynton says:

    Full-kit Wanker sounds quite accurate for those blokes. But how would you call her then?

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’ve got 2 mates that get full kits and wear them to five a sides. Not just the team they support either + names on the back. They get pelters constantly but they’re reply is – it was bought as a birthday/xmas gift ! but they’ve both 42 ! I hate to see guys wearing goalie tops when they’re not goalies !!!especially with jeans !

  10. Joey says:

    It would be brilliant if one of these guys ran onto the pitch and no one noticed at first, instead of some fat naked bloke

  11. hulltiger says:

    Is just the shorts and shirt too much? Sometimes I’ll wear both. At what point does one become a FKW?

  12. hulltiger says:

    Is just the shorts and shirt too much? Sometimes I’ll wear both. At what point does one become a FKW? Hull looks a lot better than Liverpool because it isn’t all one color.

  13. Zam says:

    Jeeeezzzz…… I mean, I have no problem with the shirt on it’s own, but really, the full kit is ridiculous.

  14. Dave says:

    People are actually doing this outside of France? For shame

  15. Murray says:

    Before today, the only FKW’s I’ve ever seen have been on Halloween evenings, which is alright with me.

  16. XYZZZ says:

    @Wynton: I’d call her “nice knockers”

  17. jon says:

    on a trip to barcelona, a friend and I bought full kits at the barca store and wore them home on a flight back to prague. we ran around passing the ball through the barca airport and celebrating “goals”. still remember the security worker’s face when i walked through with no bagage, just a ball. only problem was the 3 C weather when we landed in prague.

  18. jon says:

    in barcelona, a buddy and i bought full custom kits at the barca store and ran around scoring “goals” in the barcelona airport on our way back to prague. great fun was had by all. until we got back to prague and it was 3 °C.

  19. travisKOP says:

    I live in LA and we get fullkit wankers doning chivas and club America kits. I sport a boro jersey from time to time to throw everyone off

  20. Zama says:

    The shame…

  21. plops says:

    jon, I think your case is an exception to the rule!

  22. Swampdragon says:

    Pies should sign this guy up. Genius.

  23. sleeba says:

    @Wynton:Don’t know what you call her but I bet her 4 month old she’s pushing is in full kit too

  24. big mean bunny says:

    I love it! If I had my way you wouldn’t be allowed in the stadium unless you were in either full kit or topical fancy dress.

  25. JB says:

    After age 11, never go full retard off the pitch.

  26. Terry Shedingham says:

    I once saw a Japanese guy walking around wearing a full England kit, with a ‘Gerrard 4’ long-sleeved shirt and…a captain’s armband

  27. illuminatiks says:

    weird because I was pretty sure I caught Richard Price wearing an everton full kit with MOYES name and he was holding hand with another guy with full kit too named NEVILLE

  28. Al says:

    grown men wearing a jersey is just wrong so people on here slagging off lads wearing full kits when they themselves are probably a jersey wanker is akin to the ginger kid at school picking on the glasses wearing star trek nerd

  29. CFC_Jay says:

    What planet do you come from? There is absolutley nothing wrong with grown men wearing a footy jersy when watching matches. You sir are what we call just a plain old boring W*nker……

  30. Al says:

    @ CFC_Jay – I come from the planet style where a thing called fashion sense still exists. Seeing grown men wearing a garment designed for athletes is just laughable, would you watch the olympics in a Mo Farrah Great Britain shorts and vest combo? no, that would be ridiculous, as are men wearing jerseys.
    Jersey’s are for kids and page 3 girls the week before the season starts

  31. CFC_Jay says:

    @Al……..wearing tight shorts and a vest as opposed to wearing your teams colours on match days is nowhere near a comparison. why not chuck in a comment about wearing a pair of speedos at a swimming event??? my guess is you are far too fat and overweight to wear the fitted footy shirts of todays generation and therefore bitter and jealous of anyone else that can. As for your planet style, you do know the socks and sandals combo has never been in fashion………and ditch that cardigan of yours…..!

  32. Al says:

    @CFC_Jay – your guess is wrong, age isn’t a factor here nor is weight, I’m both young enough and slim enough to wear the jerseys and have plenty of them, which I fit in to no bother, that I use for their proper purpose, playing football.
    Your sentance about the speedo’s at a swimming event actually backs up my point, that would be silly, as is a football jersey worn outside of a sporting context. I won’t even get in to the unhygenic aspect of it (designed to draw sweat away from the body)

    I’m not saying you shouldn’t wear them, knock yourself out, it’s just possibly the biggest fashion faux pas out there.

    You seem a bit touchy on the subject, maybe subconciously you know you have bad fashon sense, if you want any tips let me know

  33. plops says:

    Al, I couldn’t agree more.

  34. Toz says:

    “making fully-grown Liverpool fans look like utter tits (not that they need much help)”

    Mate, you’re a Nottingham Forest fan and a seemingly lover of Chelsea. I wouldn’t talk.

  35. Tozzer says:

    “making fully-grown Liverpool fans look like utter tits (not that they need much help)”

    Mate, you’re a Nottingham Forest fan and a seemingly lover of Chelsea. I wouldn’t talk.

  36. Wynton says:

    Who gives a shit about fashion/dress sense when you’re going to the stadium or a pub on matchday to watch your team? Wearing a jersey or even a full-kit means showing support to your club!

  37. lurker says:

    at the ground? be a FKW. on the prowl? never.

  38. Joe says:

    @Al: Italians are generally pretty fashionable right? Go to Milan or Rome and tell me how many men you see wearing their strips and wearing it well. There’ll be quite a few. However, wearing a shirt should be limited to going to matches and training/working out.

  39. Fat Nakago says:

    I’ve never been a FKW.

    But today, I was a RCW:

  40. PeterGriffin says:

    I think I saw the guy with the Dalglish shirt at Anfield on Sunday when we outclassed Liverpool.

    I was laughing my head off, never thought I would see him online.

    Btw, does the legendary Karl Power count as Full Kit Wanker?

  41. Nathan says:

    I love this, I got ripped apart for making for a guy wearing a full kit of an MLS team here in the states today. No one understood why I thought he was such a tool.

  42. […] Soccer. There’s no better way to spend a day than playing some pick-up on the Drillfield. Also, this year is special in that we get to watch World Cup qualifiers on top of MLS and all the great European fixtures. I will be proudly showing my support for my club and country, but I have never been and never will be a Full-Kit Wanker. […]

  43. […] you don’t want to wear a full kit around in public, ever. Otherwise, you’re a “full-kit wanker” — a term originating with an Everton fan who noticed the trend among Liverpool fans, […]

  44. Rhys Jones says:

    Yeah I admit to being a FKW especially when there’s an FA Cup. I always have my socks scrunched down at half mast though. Makes me look even more of a tosser! Anyone else who does this?

  45. Tommy says:

    I wear full kits when watching the game at home, and even just chilling after work. It helps me unwind and enjoy the match. And yes, i get the names printed on the shirt and on the shorts, too.

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