Rio Ferdinand To Launch ‘The Footies’, His Very Own Football Awards Ceremony

Chris Wright

26th, September 2013


By Chris Wright

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Manchester United v Swansea City - Old Trafford

“And the award for looking most like a cartoon camel goes to…Rio Ferdinand!”

There are many strings to Rio Ferdinand’s bow, what with him being all media savvy, having a brand and owning a restaurant and what not.

Noticing a hole in the football awards calendar in between the PFA awards, the Ballon d’Or, the Football League awards, the LMA awards, the FWA awards, the UEFA club football awards, the FIFPro awards, etc, etc, Rio has decided to launch his own awards bash, the “Footies”, which we are reliably informed is “the Oscars” of the football industry in much the same way that the CEEQUALS are the Oscars of the sewage and waste treatment industry.

According to the press release, the Footies will “bring together football and music” at a “star-studded event” which will “celebrate the best of what the season had to offer, with live music from headline acts famous for their love of football”. Example. It’s going to be Example, isn’t it?

We’ll give you one guess who’s on hosting duties. Sadly we won’t be treated to Anton Ferdinand and John Terry teaming to provide the awkwardest co-host pairing since Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood. It’s James Corden. Of course it f**king is!

Will Steven Gerrard be DJing? He better be. You know how angry he gets when they won’t play “No Jacket Required” in its entirety for him.

The award categories have also been announced: Player of the Year, Goal of the Year, Freekick of the Year, Result of the Year, Game of the Year, Manager of the Year, Fan of the Year, Journalist of the Year and The Archbishop of Banterbury award for Top, Top Bantz of the Year, probably presented by Jamie Redknapp.

In short, it’s just what professional football needs: more self-approbation.

Posted in Man Utd, Media, Newsnow

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  1. gamblino says:

    I can’t even tell if that last “The Archbishop of Banterbury ” award is a joke or not?! Thing is, I bet this thing runs and runs now. Great.

  2. Stu says:

    Perhaps he should concentrate on trying to maintain a reasonable playing standard for the time being rather than being Mr Media.

  3. I'd like to thank my fnarf says:


  4. Al says:

    they scrapped the award for “Cunt of the Year” because there were too many nominations

  5. Rob says:

    You made me spit my tea out Al.

  6. Milkchew says:

    Rio Ferdinand, speaking from the inside of his own arsehole. Really can see this going the way of the `youve been merked`. Such a cock.

  7. Kingsland 101 says:

    Archbishop of Banterbury is from Bad Education isn’t it?

    When it comes to Whitehall I prefer Fresh Meat – Welcome to your first bantenatal class. I’m your tutor, Bantonio Banteras.

    He would have been a better host actually.

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