‘If He’s A Man Utd Player, Then I’m A Chinaman’ – Roy Keane Goes In Hard On Ashley Young After Pathetic Dive Against CSKA Moscow

Chris Wright

5th, November 2015



There are few more pathetic sights in modern football than an Ashley Young dive; the stoop, the twist, the dainty flick of the heels above the head, the flail, the shoulder roll, the crash landing, the wail of faux agony, lather, rinse, repeat.

While he’s hardly alone in his penchant for a-rollin’ and a-tumblin’ with gay abandon, Young has fine-tuned his unmistakable technique down to an art.

However, while punditing on the game as part of ITV’s highlights show, former Manchester United captain Roy Keane went in hard on Young after being confronted with footage of the winger’s latest feeble attempt to con a penalty against CSKA Moscow on Tuesday evening.

In fact, Keane went for the jugular:

I think the guy’s a disgrace. If he’s a Manchester United player then I’m a Chinaman.

Absolute disgrace. He’s done it [dived] far too many times.

Look at that [dive] — absolute disgrace and I just hope players are getting hold of him, whether it be the manager or some of the senior players.

That shouldn’t be accepted at Manchester United. Absolutely disgraceful.

You can maybe do it once or twice and make the mistake, but he’s done it nine or 10 times and at his previous clubs.

While we’re not entirely sure about his slightly iffy deployment of the word ‘Chinaman’, we’re glad to see an ex-pro being genuinely appalled by the continuous stream of diving that pollutes almost every single match at the moment – especially in the Champions/Europa League.

Keep fighting the good fight Roy.

Posted in Champions League, Man Utd, Media, Newsnow

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  1. Bob says:

    He barely did it at former clubs though. It seems more a Man Utd trait than an Ashley Young one. Ronaldo, Nani, Young, Janazaj, Hernandes, Rooney’s even at it.

    • Booms says:

      My hole he barely did it at previous clubs… He has previously thanked the legend John Roberton for coaching him on taking it in from the wing and winning the foul… Young took that advice and added the fish splash …

  2. Walter says:

    also dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian american, please.

    • Hootie says:

      @”Walter” Perfect.

    • ToonArmyMKE says:

      Wow, I didn’t know “Asian american” applied to those of Asian descent living in England, Cuba Tadzhikstan, oh let’s see….Japan, Somalia, Germany, Bora-Bora, Argentina, Southern Dildopolis (where YOU must live), did I say Argentina? What about Iraq, Kuwaith, UAE, Royal Principality of Clitoris (where your MOTHER is from), and Uranus (your father)….whatever.

      And to be correct, it’s Asian Americunt, as when Asians immigrate to the USA, they pick up our worst traits.

      Thanks for improving our image to the world. Aw, screw it, let’s just start another war.

      • P says:

        Wow. “Asian Americ**t”. And you have the audacity to blast Walter, simply for forgetting he is on a UK website and that Roy is Irish. You’re the one making us look bad.

        Turn off the computer and take your bizzare sex rants back to the dairy farm Milwaukee.

      • P says:

        Or perhaps you’ve just had a few too many PBRs today…

        • ToonArmyMilwaukee says:

          Nope, NO dairy farms in Milwaukee. Not a one. For many years.

          No to PBR as Pabst fucked their retirees by stopping their pension payments. Pabst still can’t be sold in the local baseball park because of this. The county board has a long memory.

          Americunts are Americunts, race not withstanding. The rest of the world hates us. Evidence for this can be found all over the world, outside of the internets. Travel a bit and learn if you can. And we’ve totally ruined the beautiful game. The world laughs at the ‘retirement league’ and players quit/want out as soon as they get signed to a team.

  3. JLBK says:

    @Bob – That’s a bit unfair. Fergie was vocally against diving and has called his own players out in public for it in the past. It’s yet to be seen what LVG’s stance is but to say it’s a Man United trait is harsh. We’ve had plenty of players, Ronaldo and Nani included who started off as divers but were made less so by the club and by the lack of calls given their way later. There are a lot of players at a lot of clubs that dive and it’s despicable no matter where they play. The scary part is it seems to be a modern football trait more than anything (look at the Spanish, Italians and most Latin Americans who believe diving is an art that is part of the gamesmanship of the game). It used to be that if you tried to simulate – whether you got the foul called or not – you would be punished on the pitch by an opposing player. Maybe that’s what we need more of: crunching tackles for the diving belles.

  4. Tim says:

    Stevie g , drogba, robben, bale, Suarez , all players who dive and don’t play for man united. We could sit and point out players who dive at top clubs but that misses the point , regardless of your club dont dive.

  5. Jarren says:

    And so it goes on. Here in Canada, most people love Ice Hockey.

    When I say I love football, they laugh and say it’s a pussy sport played by pussies.

    When I ask them why they say that, they mention simulation.

    And you know what? It’s impossible to argue.


  6. P says:

    There is a big difference between “going down easily” under contact when said contact has interfered with, however slightly, ones ability to stay up and continue on the ball (which, honestly, nearly a majority of players do) and the type of hunting for free kicks and penalties that Young consistently practices.

    It’s getting to the point where, upon trying to think of Young’s playing style, the diving is absolutely the first thing to come to mind. It’s quite sad, and Roy is right. With the resources and talent Man U have, why bother having this clown in the line-up?

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