Modern Football Is Rubbish: Rejoice, For Man Utd Now Have An ‘Official Global Mattress And Pillow Partner’

Chris Wright

31st, October 2016

4 Comments

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If you were worried about Wayne Rooney’s sleeping arrangements then worry no longer, for Manchester United have managed to wrangle a deal with the club’s first ever ‘official Mattress and Pillow Partner’.

Indeed, United have signed a five-year global partnership with Chinese mattress company Mlily that will see their memory foam mattresses installed at Carrington, among other various perks.

The five-year deal will see Mlily support United in helping with the sleep and recovery of players.

The deal was announced at Old Trafford today, with Luke Shaw excitedly telling those in attendance: “It’s very important for us as players to maintain high-quality sleep.”

Too right.

There’s probably some sleep-related/boring 0-0 draw gags to be made at this juncture but frankly we’re already bored senseless.

Posted in Man Utd

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4 Comments

  1. KEANO says:

    Yeah, that’s money, Pies. If you can make a few million pounds by promoting fucking pillows you do it, right? That’s how you get money to buy a cheap lad like Pogba. Unfortunatelly nothing is for free and we are not in 1969.
    It’s better to earn your money by promoting the sales of pillows using your big lengendary name and history and image built throughout decades of success than by selling your mediocre small club to some Russian mob, don’t you think? Cof cof Chelsea cof cof City cof cof cof cof cof cof cof poor small jealous cock suckers
    Now please EXPLAIN to me the differente between a pillow partner and a air company partner and a food partner and a computer brand parter and Nintendo written all over your shirt
    IT’S ALL MONEY, MOTHERCKERS

  2. KEANO says:

    I CANT CHILL OUT I JUST CANT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGHHHHH

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