Who Ate All The Pies

‘John, you will go on my first whistle…’ I miss Gladiators (can you believe how seriously people took it!).

Alan Ruddock’s excellent piece in today’s Guardian makes the point that football punditry in Britain has reached an all-time low. Ruddock bemoans the relentless blandness of Gary Lineker et al. and he is right to do so. As he points out, football fans are not ‘morons’ and deserve far better. In Ireland, football fans enjoy […]

As I said to my flatmate last night, I love Barca as a club –€“ great fans, great history, the fact they refused to sully their shirt with a sponsor for so long etc. – but they have the most annoying players in the world: Ronaldinho raises his chubby arms – is it me or […]

Full marks to Gilardino for style, but no marks at all for timing (taken from last night’s Celtic v Milan snooze-fest).

Hey everybody and welcome to David Beckham’s Photoshop School! – it’s just like my Soccer Schools, but helping talented young kids to develop their Photoshop skills. This week, I’ve Photoshopped Ian Holloway’s head onto the body of a badger emerging from its sett. It’s topical and slightly disturbing.keep on ‘Shopping!David ‘I’m off to Hollywoodland’ Beckham

Just leave it Paul, he’s not worth it… Wigan Athletic manager Paul Jewell has claimed, in the Daily Mail, that a Premiership club asked not to have referee Phil Dowd in charge of their games: ‘We can’t as a club say we don’t want him but I know a certain club that has asked,’ he […]

I’m sure we’re all agreed that Lille should be punished in some way for their part in last night’s Champions League tie with Man Utd. Neither their players, coaching staff, fans or the authorities at the ground (which was actually Len’s stadium, not Lille’s) covered themselves in glory. I don’t think Uefa will chuck them […]

As a youth, Steve Bull was the bane of my life. Back in the old 4th division, I recall Steve Bull (and his striking partner Andy Mutch) tearing my beloved Bolton Wanderers apart with poise and, pardon the pun, bullishness and great tenacity. He is one of England’s greatest ever strikers. He signed for Wolves […]

Over at The Guardian, they’ve been arguing the toss about the fastest goal ever scored. By that, they mean hardest in mph. Well, after a couple of weeks of debate, they seem to have found the most blistering goal ever. No, it’s not Obi Martins or Tony Yeboah, but Sporting Lisbon’s Brazilian left-back Ronny "Homem-Bomba" […]

This is one of the most unintentionally funny things I’ve seen at a football match in ages. [Mof Gimmers]

With some people saying "It’s all lies. I’d be more ashamed to believe it than anything. If you could conjure up an eyewitness report or a police record, that’d be great" about the Craig Bellamy story on these very pages, it’s worth pointing out that today, Rafa Benitez is set to hand out the punishment […]

Irony. Not something that footballers are great at spotting. Want an example? Well, here is Bolton Wanderers right-back Nicky Hunt offering forthright views on Phil ‘Newly Hatched Bird’ Neville. [Mof Gimmers]

Pop the champers kiddies because someone likes Pies. No, we’re not talking about Wigan folk, but esteemed news rag, The Guardian. The Guardian’s Guide supplement at the weekend referred to WhoAteAllThePies as "Pie ingredients include news, fiendish quizzes, strange football kits and jokes about ex-Liverpool players/loafers." Can’t grumble at that can you? Of course, you […]

This recent photo, courtesy of Liverpool’s official website, proves, beyond any doubt, that the alleged Riise/Bellamy karaoke incident is a drizzle in a teacup. Look how happy they are!

SATURDAYArsenal v BlackburnLawro: 2-0Pies: 1-1Actual: 0-0 Chelsea v NorwichLawro: 3-0Pies: 2-0Actual: 4-0 More below…

Match of the Day 2 presenter Adrian Chiles has confirmed that he is one of a number of BBC employers who have been sent soiled toilet paper in the post. According to The Sun, ‘police are investigating a string of packages posted to some of broadcasting’s best-known names since mid-January.’ Baggies fan Chiles said "I’ve […]

With Craig Bellmay yelling ‘FORE!’ at John Arne Riise’s shins, it worth having a look at some on pitch fighting…

Is Craig Bellamy the dimmest man on the face of the earth? His move to Liverpool was a slightly risky one on Rafa’s part, but we can all presume that he thought Bellamy may pull his finger out and keep his head down as his stint at Liverpool would probably be his last chance to […]

So the Quarter Final draw has been made for the FA Cup and the big guns have been kept apart once more. Middlesbrough or West Brom v Manchester United or Reading Arsenal or Blackburn v Manchester City Chelsea v Tottenham Plymouth v Watford The matches will take place on 10 and 11 March. Who do […]

Plenty of good stuff in Ian Holloway’s latest column for the BBC Sport website. What struck me most was Ollie’s claim that if Fergie left Man Yoo and offered him the hot seat at Old Trafford, he’d say no and stay at Home Park: ‘ I’d stay at Argyle,’ claims Ollie. ‘I’m an Argyle boy […]

Come on Lawro, where are you? Where ARE YOU? Let’s be having you! SATURDAYArsenal v BlackburnLawro: 2-0Pies: 1-1 Chelsea v NorwichLawro: 3-0Pies: 2-0 Continues after the jump…

1 RC Strasbourg, Everton, RC Lens, Leeds Utd, AS Roma, Inter Milan (current). Whose career path?2 Who was the best man at David Beckham’s wedding?3 Picture round: Who’s the cat in the hat? 4 What do Old Carthusians, Derby County, Royal Engineers, Leeds United, Oxford University, Wimbledon and Portsmouth have in common?5 Who scored his […]

The FA are to launch a second investigation into claims that Newcastle midfielder Emre used racist language. A newspaper report today alleged the  Turkey international, who has already been charged by the FA with using racially-aggravated language during the defeat at Everton on December 30, made a comment to Bolton striker El-Hadji Diouf during a […]

Ralph Coates, formerly of Spurs and Leyton Orient was the king of the combover. He rivalled Bobby Charlton, not only in the barnet department, but also on the pitch. What this cracking goal he scored for the O’s and also, watch what happens when Mark Lawrenson is faced with a "good, honest, earthy shoulder charge…"

Terence Henry has come in for a lot of stick in recent weeks, not least from Pies. This video, posted on YouTube recently, reminds us why we loved him in the first place. Thierry, all is forgiven (well, perhaps not your stupid dance) – can we be friends again?