• Blackburn’s Ryan Nelsen gets his arse drilled February 1st, 2007 Blackburn Rovers

    Blackburn Rovers skipper Ryan Nelsen has revealed that only allowing a surgeon to take a drill to his backside put an end to his nine-month injury layoff. In what sounds like a fairly gruesome procedure, the 29-year-old had his buttock sliced open and holes drilled in a bone so that his hamstring could be reattached. […]

  • Hooray, somebody spent some money! Matthew Upson moves to West Ham January 31st, 2007 West Ham Utd

    Alan ‘Last of the Big Spenders’ Curbishley is the first Premiership manager to splash some decent cash on transfer deadline day. Curbs has taken Birmingham City defender Matthew Upson to West Ham for an initial £6 million. The 27-year-old has decided a five-month jaunt in the Premiership is just what he needs before returning to […]

  • Deja Vu: Arsenal vrs Spurs in 1987 League Cup Semi Final January 31st, 2007 Arsenal

    Tonight, Arsenal take on Spurs in the decider for a place in the league cup final. Well, it must be deja-vu for some fans as 20 years ago, the two sides met in the 1987 league cup semi final, and what a thriller it was! Back then, Arsenal hadn’t won a trophy since 1979 and […]

  • Liverpool win with the power of soft rock January 31st, 2007 Liverpool

    Yesterday, as a treat for their suffering fans, West Ham put some half time entertainment on for their game against Liverpool. Bonnie Tyler belted through a rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart in an attempt to stir the home fans into action. Hilariously, this backfired massively when Liverpool emerged enthused by the power of […]

  • One to watch: Julius Aghahowa January 31st, 2007 Miscellaneous

    The latest Nigerian international striker to make the Premiership their stomping ground is Wigan‘s new signing Julius Aghahowa. The 24-year-old has a decent goalscoring record at international level. He is also the proud owner of a somersault celebration capable of making Lomano LuaLua look distinctly underwhelmed at scoring! Here is a compilation of some of […]

  • THE VOTE Would you take a gamble on Ronaldo (no, the other one)? January 30th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    AC Milan have completed the signing of Ronaldo from Real Madrid for a fee believed to be in the region of £5 million. The Italian club has taken a gamble on the 30-year-old who was criticised for his World Cup performances, which could be described at best as lethargic, and has been out of the […]

  • Marco Materazzi is headbutted again! January 30th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    If headbuttee isn’t already a word then it might be soon. Marco Materazzi is in danger of becoming a serial headbuttee! Having already made a bigger name for himself by being "that guy Zinedine Zidane headbutted" than through his footballing prowess, Materazzi has again found himself the butt of a butt. Sampdoria’s Gennaro Delvecchio was […]

  • A message to John Terry from Jose Mourinho January 30th, 2007 Chelsea

    Jose Mourinho‘s notes to skipper John Terry are apparently not the tactical masterstrokes we thought… [Rob Parker]

  • McLeish is the new Scotland boss January 29th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    In one of the most predictable moves ever, the Scottish FA have announced that Alex McLeish is to be the new gaffer of the Scottish national side. The former Rangers boss has signed a contract until 2010 and succeeds Walter Smith, who resigned to take over at Ibrox on 10 January. McLeish, who recently turned […]

  • One of the world’s greatest cricketers makes worst ever song January 29th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    With everyone mewing about how bad we are at cricket, we fans of the beautiful game can sit back and laugh. Especially when you consider that this man below could probably beat our boys on his own. This man is Brett Lee. Brett promises "I’ll even make you laugh, I’ll even learn some Hindiiiiii" Well, […]

  • FA Cup draw for the Fifth Round January 29th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    Well, after the weekend’s heroics, the draw has been made for the 5th Round of the FA Cup. Sure enough, there are some tasty looking matches on offer. If Blackpool manage to defeat Norwich in the 4th Round replay, they’ll face Chelsea in what should be a cracking match. Pies favourite Ian Holloway sees his […]

  • Oguchi Onyewu set for Newcastle move January 29th, 2007 Newcastle Utd

    USA centre-back Oguchi ‘Gooch’ Onyewu is expected to complete a loan move to Newcastle later today. The Standard Liege player is undergoing a medical at St James’ Park and will sign for the club if he passes. Moves to Chelsea and Fulham have not materialised, but the 24-year-old seems to have secured a move to […]

  • Horror Hair: Ian Wallace January 29th, 2007 Horror Hair

    Ginger afro season continues on Pies with former Coventry City striker Ian Wallace. As if the haircut was not daring enough, Wallace is also sporting the Sky Blues’ notorious brown away kit. The former Scotland international was Britain’s third £1 million-plus player, but is now a self-confessed alcoholic. He appeared in court earlier this month […]

  • Good weekend, bad weekend January 29th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    Good weekend Wayne Rooney Came off the bench to win the FA Cup tie against Portsmouth almost single-handedly. And his chipped second goal was out of this world.Bristol City Managed a 2-2 draw against Middlesbrough despite going 2-0 down.Vicenzo Montella Scored one and made another against Stoke as he continued his excellent start to life […]

  • Sticker Sunday January 28th, 2007 Kits & fashion

    Welcome back, sticker fans. Pies is continuing its bid to complete Merlin’s FA Premier League Official Sticker Collection by opening three packs every Sunday and giving you a running commentary on how we are doing. Click below to see who we got in this week’s stickers.

  • Micah Richards and Gareth Bale go head-to-head January 26th, 2007 Man City

    Although – as we predicted – the transfer window gossip has been dominated by the big clubs making cooing noises towards Micah Richards and Gareth Bale, both have stayed put so far. That means that the two young full-backs will go head-to-head in tomorrow’s FA Cup tie between Manchester City and Southampton. The BBC has […]

  • Sing-a-long a Thierry Henry January 26th, 2007 Arsenal

    I think we may have had this on before, but it’s always worth seeing again. Thierry Henry scores a wonder goal and just when you think that nothing on earth could match it, the commentator steps up and gives a rousing rendition of the Cornetto advert. Bloody class. Why doesn’t Motty ever do this?

  • Should Stuart Pearce take the England U21 job? January 26th, 2007 Man City

    Man City‘s gaffer, Stuart Pearce has admitted to having a "brief conversation" with the Football Association over the possibility of succeeding Peter Taylor as the manager of the England Under 21 side. On stepping down, Crystal Palace boss Taylor said: "Anybody coming in would have to commit a lot to the job." Psycho feels that […]

  • Horror Hair – Noel Brotherston January 26th, 2007 Blackburn Rovers

    We’re in the middle of a ginger afro fetish at the moment at Pies. There have been a few over the years, but surely no-one can match the mighty bonce of Noel Brotherston. Noel was a tricky winger, and graced the flanks of Spurs, Blackburn Rovers, Bury, and Scarborough, and won 27 international caps for […]

  • Pies salutes the new president of Uefa. It’s Michel Platini! January 26th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    Michel Platini is the new Uefa president after beating former president – and part-time walrus lookalike – Lennart Johansson in a vote in Dusseldorf. Platini, aged 51, said: "This is just the beginning of an adventure. I’m happy to be able to represent European football. I’m very moved and very happy." Of course there are […]

  • Horror Hair: Wes Brown’s ginger afro January 26th, 2007 Horror Hair

    Continuing our ginger afro theme – and especially for Pies regular Billyo – here is Wes Brown proving you don’t have to be able to play like Carlos Valderrama to pull off the ginger afro on a football pitch. Go Wes! Have you spotted a footballing ginger afro? Let us know so we can give […]

  • Fantasy Friday: week 21 review January 26th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    ATTENTION ALL FANTASY FOOTBALL MANAGERS Don’t forget to remove Robbie Savage from your teams before the deadline due to his lengthy lay-off with a broken leg. I know Savage’s injury has come as a blow to many managers in the Pies Fantasy Football League. The question is: how do you go about replacing a man […]

  • Fancy being an England mascot? January 25th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

    How do you fancy leading out England as a mascot at Old Trafford before the team face Spain on Wednesday 7th February in front of thousands of fans? Sadly, this offer isn’t open to us blokes. However, if you have a nipper aged between seven and eleven years old who is up for it, the […]

  • Scottish Football Manager January 25th, 2007 Miscellaneous

    The Scottish FA have announced that they are ready to unveil the new manager for the national side (after Walter Smith’s shock exit) on Monday at a press conference. Everyone knows it’s going to be Alex McLeish. If not, maybe they should give this bloke a chance?

  • Spurs get a bye in UEFA Cup January 25th, 2007 Tottenham Hotspur

    Jammy Tottenham have been given a bye into the last 16 of the Uefa Cup. Of course, this is subject to a possible appeal from scheduled opponents Feyenoord. The Dutch club were thrown out of the competition following crowd trouble earlier in the season against French side Nancy. Of course, Feyenoord are certain to appeal […]