Cristiano Ronaldo Wins Fourth Ballon d’Or Award As France Football Botch Their Big Reveal

Chris Wright

12th, December 2016



It’s taken them two sodding hours, but France Football have finally announced that the winner of the 2016 Ballon d’Or is… Cristiano Ronaldo.

Indeed, France Football decided to reveal the result of the poll in reverse order, starting with Toni Kroos in 17th (?) place.

They then proceeded to take an absolute age to wind down to Gareth Bale in sixth before realising they’d overshot their 19:00 GMT end time so skipped the entire top five to hastily announce Ronaldo as the winner. What’s the French term for “embarrassing botch job”?

As a result we have no idea who actually finished 5th, 4th, 3rd or 2nd, though an educated guess would put Antoine Griezmann, Neymar, Luis Suarez and Lionel Messi in there somewhere.

Who’d have thunk we’d ever miss FIFA’s organisational aptitude?

In case you were wondering, Leicester City pair Jamie Vardy and Riyard Mahrez finished 8th and 7th respectively. Mahrez was also crowned BBC African Footballer of the Year earlier in the day.

So congrats to Ronaldo, who powered Real Madrid to a Champions League final and Portugal to a European Championship final without really making a dent in either match.

The all-conquering duopoly continues at the top of the tree.

Posted in Real Madrid

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  1. Bokadebusseta says:

    Come on, Ronaldo deserves it. Who did more? Messi? Come on.

  2. P says:

    Vardy and Mahrez deserved it more than C. Ronaldo. Look at what they had, versus what they did with it. Real Madrid is a top 4 favorite, every year, to win the UCL, Ronaldo or not. You could take Ronaldo and his price tag out, and still buy 10 Leicesters with the money it cost to assemble that Madrid squad. Vardy and Mahrez spearheaded, and at times almost singlehandedly, the biggest upset in modern football history. 38 games worth of it.

    I know – “but look at the stats” you’ll say. I’m so tired of it. Take out the 9-12 goals from 3-4 hat tricks Ronaldo scores against the bottom teams every year in La Liga, and the fact that he takes double the shots of any other player in any major league, and he’s really not as amazing as people make him out to be. how many finals have his teams been in, and how many times has he done anything at all in those games?

    Alas, he is worshipped on social media, and by highlight reel, but not game, watching individuals, and they buy shirts. and movies. and action figures. and whatever else children like. so he must be the star, and madrid take painstaking efforts to keep him as such. put him on Rayo Vallecano and see if he can still do it.

    sorry, i;m done now.

  3. Bootsy says:


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