The Day Has Finally Come: Arsenal Release Abou Diaby After Nine Years Of Injury-Plagued Misery

Chris Wright

10th, June 2015


By Chris Wright


And lo, the day we thought we wouldn’t live to see is upon us.

According to the Premier League’s official ‘retained players’ list released this afternoon, Arsenal have finally released Abou Diaby back into the wild.

Please feel free to take a moment to compose yourselves before we press on.

While it’s not set in stone quite yet (the list is merely made up of players whose contracts have expired and there has been no official word from the Gunners), it’s looking highly likely that Diaby has been ‘future endeavoured’ after nine years of injury-plagued misery in north London.

Here are the French midfielder’s vital statistics…

Diaby has made just 124 appearances in the space of NINE YEARS at Arsenal.

In that time he’s been struck down by a grand total of 40+ separate injuries of varying magnitude.

He’s has played a total of 16 minutes (from a possible 6,840) in the Premier League since August 2013.

That said, Diaby has managed one appearance for the club this season, playing 67 minutes against Southampton in the League Cup in September.

However, he was also the last Arsenal player to be booked for time-wasting in the Premier League (against Blackpool in April 2011) so it’s not like he’s not leaving a legacy behind.

As a great man once said…

Bonne chance Abou. We suggest you sign up for disability benefit as soon as possible.

Posted in Arsenal, Injuries, Newsnow, Transfers & Rumours

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  1. cremator says:

    Tone of this article is all wrong. A little too mean for my liking. By all accounts, he worked hard to recover from his injuries. Desperately unlucky.

    • Puffy says:

      I agree. Great professional that guy is, I know this is a tongue_in_cheek website but that’s just nasty. And that tweet is just plain, fucking dumb.

  2. Paul Scholes says:

    This guy has been making bank from Disability checks for 9 years

  3. Anonymous says:

    Good luck signing on for disability. ATOS will do a Work Capability Assessment and stick him in West Ham’s first team

  4. Mr-Curley says:

    That tweet is like Liverpool doing a Spurs this season, after Brendan Rodgers saying they wernt gonna do a Spurs, which is more Spurs than anything Spurs have ever done

  5. What4 says:

    Lighten up you wet blankets, jeez.

  6. Tellitasitis says:

    Has no-one stopped for a moment to consider the innocent victims in this sorry episode? Arsenal are now going to have to release half their medical staff. The unemployment queue just got a whole lot longer.

  7. Tyrone says:

    The only joke in this article is the author who wrote it. Whenever a player, no matter what team, is forced out b/c of circumstance & not effort (or lack thereof), there’s nothing worth laughing about. Especially given the cut-throat, self-interested nature of the business that has become soccer, particularly the EPL. And honestly, if this were a story about a roofer or pipe fitter, I’d argue much the same.

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