USMNT Hire Motivational Nutjob To Inspire Victory Over Jamaica By ‘Rolling Up Frying Pans Like Burritos’, Swiftly Lose To Jamaica

Chris Wright

10th, September 2012


By Chris Wright

This man here is Donnie Moore. He is the official Christian chaplain for the Oakland A’s baseball side and the be-tracksuited, bat-shit loopy fruitcake motivational speaker bought on board by the US mens national team to preach ‘radical reality’ and help pump them up and ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS AND DREAMS! by tearing number plates in twain, splintering baseball bats across his thighs and by rolling up frying pans like burritos.

Moore was hired to assist the USMNT to victory over Jamaica on Friday evening. The keen-witted among you may remember that the US then went on to lose to Jamaica for the first time ever in their history – that’s some particularly radical reality right there.

The two sides are playing each other again this Tuesday night. It’s as yet unclear whether or not Moore’s ‘services’ have been retained.

We suspect not.