By Chris Wright
As precisely everybody in the entire world foresaw, FIFA’s self-funded vanity project movie about their own formation proved to be the biggest pile of festering shite since the mountainous turd laid down by the triceratops in Jurassic Park.
Starring Tim Roth as Sepp Blatter, Gerard Depardieu as Jules Rimet and Sam Neill as Joao Havelange, “United Passions” cost an estimated $27million to make, with it’s global box office takings stood at a measly $200,000 the last time anybody bothered to check.
Yuck. Just…yuck.
Presumably stuck with a vast surplus of completely unmoveable copies on their hands, FIFA decided to shift their entire stock of “United Passions” DVDs in the only way they could: by giving it all away, specifically by forcing it on the only people who couldn’t refuse: their own members.
In documents syphoned from the FIFA website, it would appear that Sepp and the boys foisted copies of “United Passions” on each and every single one of the organisation’s members as a complimentary Christmas present.
Here is a copy of the letter which accompanied the beautiful gift…
Cue roughly 206 copies of “United Passions” suddenly hitting Ebay at the exact same time, wethinks.