Portland Timbers Haul Their Enormous ‘Victory Log’ 2,400 Miles Across United States For MLS Cup Final

Chris Wright

4th, December 2015



Portland Timbers have taken the slightly unusual step of hauling an enormous chuck of lumber (if you’ll excuse the Yank parlance) across the entire breadth of the United States in preparation for Sunday’s MLS Cup Final in Columbus.

For those unaware, in typically brash American fashion, the Timbers have their lumberjack mascot Joey hack a slice off the ‘victory log’every time the team score.

Having reached the final, Joey strapped his log to the back of a truck and is currently in the process of having carted some 2,400 miles across the country to Columbus Crew’s Mapfre Stadium…

However, in a bid to widdle on Timbers’ bonfire, Crew have amended the list of prohibited items that will not be allowed into their stadium for the game.

Indeed, a specially updated version of the club’s matchday policy guidelines has been published on their official website, with chainsaws and “logs of any wooden variety” banned from passing through the turnstiles ahead of the final this weekend…

Well played, you big bloody spoilsports!

For the record, it’s been reported that Timbers are perfectly happy to respect Crew’s wishes and instead plan to set up Joey’s magic log outside the stadium somewhere.

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  1. Kenny says:

    I don’t know what in the hell y’all would call wood over there but I have never in my life referred to any unit of lumber as a “chuck”.
    A “chunk” maybe?

  2. Hasselhof says:

    How much wood could a wood chuck chuck? If a wood chuck could chuck wood?

  3. KraftOwnzRevs says:

    I’m American and have also never heard of a log referred to as a chuck. Also, it most certainly did not traverse the breadth of America. It only went from Oregon to Ohio, which is almost the Midwest. To reach the other ocean it would have had to have traveled about another 500 miles.

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