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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Cristiano Ronaldo turns matador in this new advert for Fuji Xerox. In the Japanese advertt, C-Ron shows off his tricks as the bull charges round after the ball. Don’t worry if after a few seconds you start rooting for the bull – it is perfectly natural.

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Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor has been branded Samson by The Sun because he has lost his goalscoring powers since having his haircut. The Togolese forward ditched his trademark beaded hairstyle last month and has not scored a Premier League goal.

Standard Liege goalkeeper Rorys Aragon Espinosa relived Rene Higuita’s scorpion kick with his own attempt in a match against Gent. The Ecuadorian didn’t quite get the same contact as Higuita, but the ball didn’t fly into the net so I suppose it has to go down as a successful save. I don’t know too much about this guy and you probably don’t either, so check out his MySpace. It’s a veritable who’s who of Ecuadorian football!

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This Snapshot shows Chelsea manager Glenn Hoddle unveiling new signing Ruud Gullit in June 1995.

The latest installment of the Rubber One’s television phone-in show features Sven Goran Eriksson dressed as a pimp and some cracking line from David Beckham. Need I say more?

Keegan has been banging on about so-called ‘six-pointers’ but in the end he had to settle with sharing the points as his Newcastle side drew 1-1 with Birmingham last night.
The good news on Tyneside is that Michael Owen scored with a typical poachers goal after Obafemi Martins shot was blocked – can Owen go on to repay the Geordies faith by scoring the goals to keep them up?

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David Beckham splashed out on a new tattoo during LA Galaxy’s recent tour of the Far East and has been taking the opportunity to flash it around for the cameras. The top-of-the-range tat was done using a technique which is apparently not available outside Hong Kong and appears to have been brushed on to the skin.

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… in their dreams.

As we have featured Jorge Ribeiro’s Yeboah-esque strike for Boavista this week, it only seems right to remind ourselves of the original. So here is Tony Yeboah – a man signed by Leeds United seemingly with a brief to score spectacular goals which bounced in off the crossbar. Here he is against Wimbledon…

This beautiful strike from Boavista’s Jorge Ribeiro never gave the keeper a chance. Ribeiro, brother of Maniche, gave the ball a fair whack from getting on for 40 yards. The ball bounced in off the underside of the crossbar in what a generation of youngsters grew up calling a ‘Yeboah’.

In recent weeks we’ve been asking Pies’ readers to vote for the best players in their positions to make up our own Premier League team of the season.
So far you’ve gone for the enduring David James in goal while the attacking merits of Arsenal’s Bacary Sagna and Gael Clichy have sewn up the full-back positions – but who’s going to compliment their silky skills with some steel in the centre of defence?

Roy Keane can’t have made too many friends from officials during his playing career and, with some of the appalling decisions made against his Sunderland team since he returned to the Premier League as a manager, maybe his early behaviour has come back to haunt him.

Now that the quarterfinal draw for the Champions League has been made with teams separated into opposite halves, fans who prefer not to ‘take one game at a time’ will be analysing various permutations to predict this season’s final.

here isn’t a single English striker in the Premier League’s top ten scorers this season – and two of only three national players to score double figures, Lampard and Gerrard, are midfielders by trade.
That must be giving Don Fabio some cause for concern, especially since Wayne Rooney seems to struggle as a lone striker and he apparently doesn’t rate Michael Owen. His other choices look limited to big team players who spend most of their time on the bench such as Peter Crouch or gambling on someone who is impressing for a smaller team a la Jermaine Defoe.
Click through to vote for who you think is England’s best striking option.

Roma tried to take a very cheeky corner against AC Milan on Saturday. David Pizarro taps the ball with his foot as he places the ball and therefore takes the corner. Pizarro then pretends he doesn’t fancy taking the corner anymore and jogs off into the penalty area. Simone Perrotta runs over to the ball and, knowing the corner has already been taken, starts dribbling the ball towards the box. Very crafty, but unfortunately it was so sneaky that even the linesman missed it and Roma were pulled up!

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Surely up there with the shittest of our Shit Lookalikes? One is bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the world, the other is a bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the midfield.

Athletic Bilbao goalkeeper Armando Riviero was hit by a bottle thrown from the crowd during their match at Real Betis at the weekend. Bilbao had just taken the lead in the 72nd minute when Armando was hit in the face with a full plastic bottle forcing referee Carlos Gomez to abandon the game. The keeper received stitches in a cut under his eye. Betis fans have form for this sort of incident. Last season Spurs boss Juande Ramos – then in charge at Sevilla – was knocked unconscious by a bottle thrown by Betis fans.

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Brian McBride Scored a vital goal against former club Everton to give Fulham at least a chance of avoiding relegation.
Emile Heskey Grabbed the all important goal in 10-man Wigan’s victory over relegation rivals Bolton.
Freddie Sears The 18-year-old West Ham striker scored on his debut to score the winner against Blackburn.

Footballers can be a moody and emotional bunch of so-and-sos at the best of times. Pies celebrates 10 examples of the emotions of a football match boiling over a bit too much and leading to the players involved getting on like a bunch of spoilt toddlers!

We knew that there would be at least one all-English tie in the Champions League quarterfinals and Arsenal will play Liverpool for the first time in the competition – with the winner likely to meet Chelsea in the semis.
Both teams impressed by beating the best that Milan could offer in the previous round but who will prevail on home soil?

Mikael Neilson, formerly of IFK Göteborg, must have wondered what he had to do to earn the same sort of sponsorship money as Roberto Carlos. This superb free-kick against PSV Eindhoven swerved as much as anything the Brazilian could serve up.
Warning – this video may contain traces of Clive Tyldesley.

Some people took David Beckham’s move from Real Madrid to LA Galaxy as a fall from grace and a sign that he was past his best. But Becks has always made his marketing profile equally as important as his career on the pitch. What then are we to make of the fact that the face of Adidas, Vodafone and Brylcreem is now flogging “vee Omeegah free fish oils” of Go3?

This excellent goal from Brazilian midfielder – and Chelsea target – Diego deservedly won the match for Werder Bremen against Rangers, but the Scottish giants went through 2-1 on aggregate. This means we can enjoy Diego’s strike all the more! He controls a clearance on his chest, takes two defenders out of the game with a Gazza-style flick over their heads, and then fires home a pinpoint left-foot shot on the half-volley. A round of applause, please.

1. Juande Ramos’ monopoly on the UEFA Cup is finally over, but only just. The Spurs manager has won the competition for the last two years with former club Seville and it took a penalty shoot out to prevent a possible hat trick.
2. Dimitar Berbatov scored one of the best goals of his career with a stunning volley after 80mins that sent the game into extra time against all odds – will Spurs still be able to keep hold of him next season?

This least flattering of lookalikes comes courtesy of none other than Ian Wright who revealed on a radio show yesterday that Fulham’s inspiration, Jamie Bullard, was nicknamed ‘Mask’ when they played together at West Ham – cruel but true…