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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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There’s never been much love lost between the English and the Scottish, especially when it comes to football. So, the prospect of England missing out while Scotland qualify for Euro 2008 is daunting.
We’ve decided to put this to the test by asking members from each nation to vote for whom they will be supporting as the Euro qualifiers come to a head

In the days before football agents introduced slick PR and brand management to their clients, players took any advertising money they could get. Take the case of legendary Tottenham keeper Pat Jennings. He would think nothing of dressing up as a shot-stopping oil filter for a quick pay-day. You just wouldn’t catch David Beckham dressing up as a wiper blade or Joey Barton acting like a dipstick…

Just look at that cheeky chappy Roberto Carlos. He knows what he’s doing: he wants to throw his water all over the linesman and he does just that! There is no eye contact made afterwards, just a casual wave of apology. I would like to see one of the Premier League boys try this on a freezing November evening and get away without a card!

Sometimes, personal battles go beyond sport and get personal resulting in relationships that will never truly heal. We’ve come up with a first XI of football’s most famous enduring arguments

This is what Pies’ Shit Lookalikes are all about: it’s so shit that it’s good. Either that or it’s just shit!

With England fans crossing their fingers and hoping for Israel to pull off a shock result against Russia on Saturday, Pies celebrates the Israeli players who have plied their trade in the Premier League.
Tal Ben Haim
The no-nonsense centre-back arrived in England in 2004 when Bolton Wanderers signed him. During his three years at the Reebok Stadium he became a highly sought after defender. Chelsea eventually snapped him up on a Bosman free transfer this summer.

Who’s the best and who should be left back in the changing room?

While we’ve been moaning the return of the cold weather, a World Cup has been played in the sunshine on the other side of the world. The Beach Football World Cup held in Rio de Janeiro came to a conclusion at the weekend.

Sadly all the football in Italy this week was overshadowed by the shooting of a Lazio fan and subsequent rioting across the country. Lazio fan Gabriele Sandri, 25, was shot by a policeman while sitting in his car at a motorway service station in Tuscany during a fight between Lazio and Juventus fans. Lazio’s match at Inter Milan was called off prompting rioting in the city. Fans across the country followed suit after hearing of Sandri’s death sparking a series of clashes.

arsenal%20henry%20cannons.jpgThe gang at Deuce of Davenport spotted this gem. This Arsenal fan presumably got this tattoo as a tribute to his beloved Gunners and their loyal El Capitan. Now it has taken on a whole new meaning (or two).

77533407.jpgPremier League strugglers Wigan are looking to get a Brucey bonus by tempting Birmingham manager, Steve Bruce, to rescue the club from relegation.

As if the fact that Ajax and Feyenoord are separated at the top of Eredivisie only by goal difference didn’t show us that they are very evenly matched this season, they laboured the point by sharing the spoils in a 2-2 draw at the weekend.

ian%20holloway%20poppycock.JPGIn his battle to be more crazy than Stephen Ireland, Plymouth boss Ian Holloway has resorted to using words that were eccentric 50 years ago. Ollie managed to slip the word ‘poppycock’ into an interview in which he dismissed speculation linking him with the Leicester City manager’s post.

Isn’t this what football is really about? Forget the Premier League, lycra clad Japanese men wearing binoculars is where it’s at. Watch, laugh and then go and try it for yourself!

Fergie has been busy throwing down a psychological gauntlet to his current crop of players this week by claiming they are the best squad he’s ever had in his time at the club.

For a while it looked like Bayern Munich were going to walk the Bundesliga this season, but they have hit a nasty patch of from. A 3-1 defeat at Stuttgart this week saw Werder Bremen and Hamburg both close the gap on Bayern to just one point. Bremen cemented their intentions with an emphatic 4-0 win over Karlsruhe, while Hamburg’s 1-1 draw at Schalke was enough to keep them within touching distance.

We first noticed something different about Gallas’ bonce last week but couldn’t be sure. It’s not even conclusive in this picture but we think that the Frenchman has gone all punk with a mohican – is he trying to act the trendy dad to Arsenal’s young stars?

It is accidentally turning into Pro Evo day on Pies! Michael Owen and Cristiano Ronaldo obviously haven’t been experiencing any jerkiness with their versions of PES 2008. Here are the game’s cover stars sitting in Ronnie Corbett’s chair to talk football. Check out C-Ron’s rapper-style hand gesture seven seconds in and Owen talking about being broken in gently to PES by the England squad for some mild entertainment!

In a time when loyalty to your employer is unheard of in football, Pies ridicules 11 players who have sabotaged their own careers by staying put.

Two sets of ginger locks blowing in the breeze. Two pairs of ginger eyebrows and puffy eyes beneath them. One is Irish, the other is German. One plays in the red-and-white of Sunderland, the other played surrounded by the red-and-white of strawberries and cream!

I’m not from Catalunya but if I was I would definitely read El Mundo Deportivo, if only for KAP’s cartoons. Last week we featured his tribute to Ronaldinho’s supposed return to form. This week he has been doodling Rangers fans. If you don’t speak the lingo, one fan says: ““They say Barcelona scored two goals…” His mate replies: ““Great! I was so drunk I thought they scored four!” Can’t imagine there will be too many lawsuits from indignant Rangers fans concerned that their good names have been besmirched!

Real Madrid remain top of La Liga after a pulsating 4-3 victory over Real Mallorca. The champions came from being 2-3 down to win the match in exciting fashion. Robinho was at the centre of the display, bagging a brace, but it was Ruud van Nistelrooy who scored the decisive goal.

Seeing Nicolas Anelka all blinged-up to watch Bolton from the sidelines at the weekend (he was still wearing shades when the sun went down) reminded us of another ghetto-fabulous star whose mouth got him in trouble, Tupac (RIP).

Football’s least favourite bad boy, Joey Barton, is back in hot water after attempting to castrate Dickson Etuhu during the North East derby between Sunderland and Newcastle at the weekend.

Dirty Diego took his fancy footwork to the dance floor when he appeared in Italian TV show Dancing with Stars months after having extensive stomach surgery to reduce his ballooning weight.