Oldham midfielder Chris Hall is to get his kit off next week when he stars in a stage version of The Full Monty. The 19-year-old has been given permission by his club to appear in NK Theatre Arts’ charity production. Hall will play the part of ‘Horse’ in the play after club officials went back [...]

WIth news that Michael Owen will be "back to the top" according to his knee tickler surgeon Dr Richard Steadman, it may be worth reminding ourselves what an ‘on top’ Owen looks like.

Police are investigating death threats which have been made to the Reading players who were involved in the two incidents that saw Chelsea keepers Petr Cech and Carlo Cudicini badly injured. In the aftermath of the incidents, Ibrahima Sonko and Stephen Hunt have received numerous threatening letters at the club’s Arborfield training ground. Thames Valley [...]

You can imagine compiling the 100 Greatest Premiership Players is a pretty subjective task. But while you, our faithful readers, were left to squabble over the relative merits of Eric Cantona and Thierry Henry, no player divided opinion at Pies HQ like Brian Deane. One thing we could agree on is that Brian Deane is [...]

The form of Chelsea striker Didier Drogba seems to extend to international duty. The Ivory Coast international scored the winner in their match against Sweden last night. His headed goal followed a hat-trick against Watford at the weekend. The match was played in Le Mans, France, for some reason, which probably explains the half-empty – [...]

Self-confessed sexist Mike Newell is to keep his job as manager of Luton Town. Newell has been severely reprimanded by the club, but remains in his post despite criticism of female assistant referee Amy Rayner and chairman Bill Tomlins. A club statement said: "Any repetition of such conduct will not be tolerated." The cynics among [...]

Rock band Motörhead are the new sponsors of an under 10s team from Lincoln. Greenbank FC now play in black shirts emblazoned with the band’s name and a picture of a skull. The youngsters also run out to the sound of Ace of Spades. Team manager Gary Weight emailed Motörhead frontman Lemmy with the sponsorship [...]

Ever wanted to warm-up in the same tracksuit Arjen Robben wears to warm-up when he’s on international duty? No, me neither but I’m sure you don’t have to wear the Holland warm-up tracksuit exclusively for warming up. It will presumably be on display tonight before kick-off as England’s hosts go through their pre-match preparations. The [...]

Steve McClaren has been branded mental and nuts by the British press after he ‘cracked up’ after persistant (and quite possibly justified) pressure from Fleet Street. Stevie Mac has claimed that the press have tried to drive a wedge between himself and his right hand man, Terry Venables…

When was the last time you can recall a real proper ding-dong in a Merseyside derby? Well, for those of you who can’t think of loads, here’s probably the best of them all. Everton pluckily came back time and time again against an all concqeuring Liverpool side in a cracking 4-4 draw…

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42312000/jpg/_42312792_balls203.jpg Something very odd happened in Macclesfield the other night. During their FA Cup game against Walsall, it started to rain. Instead of the usual North West downpour of water, it rained footballs. Loads of them. Pranksters…

Rio Ferdinand may be preparing to take on Holland for England tonight, but here he is treading the boards in a school play. I think it is safe to presume that Rio did not choreograph the performance himself! [Via FourFourTwo] [Rob Parker]

Real Madrid are to officially announce the signing of the player dubbed ‘the new Roberto Carlos‘ after he passed a medical today. The Brazilian left-back (that’s the basis of what you’re looking for in a new Roberto Carlos, after all) Marcelo will not join Real from Fluminense until January, but he will be unveiled tomorrow. [...]

Charlton have appointed Les Reed as their new head coach just hours after sacking manager Iain Dowie. Reed was Dowie’s assistant at The Valley, but has now been given the top job on a permanent basis. He has previously held the post of acting FA technical director and coached England Under 20s. The Addicks’ development [...]

England manager Steve McClaren was forced to call upon an inexperienced Arsenal youngster yesterday just to get enough players for a nine-a-side match. After a spate of withdrawals from his original 28-man squad, McClaren turned to 19-year-old Academy player Matthew Connolly (pictured) as the England set-up descended into farce. The centre-back joined the England squad [...]

This video from earlier this year shows Essen striker Younga Mouhani scoring a cheeky goal against Chemnitz. The goal is in a similar vein to the goal Dion Dublin scored against Newcastle a few seasons back, but is better because: a) he is standing so close to the keeper; and b) he looks like he [...]

You can celebrate giantkilling Basingstoke Town‘s FA Cup victory over Chesterfield at the weekend by buying your very own club bodywarmer. The chunky navy and yellow sleeveless puffa jacket will be perfect for keeping you warm when Basingstoke visit Chelmsford City or Aldershot in the next round. It isn’t available online, but if you call [...]

Swedish keeper Magnus Hedman is set to join Chelsea until the end of the season. The former Coventry and Celtic man will provide extra cover for Carlo Cudicini and Hilario while Petr Cech is injured. Ever the flatterer, Jose Mourinho said: "You can only have a player who’s a free agent and I cannot find [...]

Ouch! This video shows TV footage of Barrow defender James Cotterill allegedly (I can’t really see any legal challenge being mounted against this evidence, but we’ll cover our backs anyway!) punching Bristol Rovers striker Sean Rigg in Saturday’s FA Cup clash. Rigg’s jaw was fractured in two places in the incident. Cue pundits with choruses [...]

England manager Steve McLaren has been putting notices up in pubs around the country asking players to volunteer to play for their country against Holland on Wednesday. McLaren has taken this unusual step after every eligible professional player in the country pulled out of the squad with a niggling injury. The latest of whom, Jermaine [...]

Good weekend Didier Drogba It is difficult to believe this is the same Drogba who never quite lived up to his transfer fee. A hat-trick against Watford continues his excellent form this season.Reading Up to 11th in the table after their 3-1 victory over Spurs.Kolo Toure An excellent finish from Arsenal’s would-be star striker. Bad [...]

Right foot, left foot, six yard box, from distance, with his head, knee, face… Gabriel ‘Batigol’ Batistuta could probably fart a goal in. Let’s celebrate one of the greatest strikers the world has ever seen. [Mof Gimmers]

Manchester City youngster Micah Richards is the only new face in the England squad to face Holland on Wednesday. The 18-year-old right-back has been named in the 28-man squad, as recommended by Pies after the Macedonia game in September. Steve McClaren has resisted the temptation to call-up fellow under 21 internationals Leighton Baines and Theo [...]

In the days when Andrei Kanchelskis was ace, and Oldham starred in Semi Finals, goals like this were seldom seen. So enjoy.

Fear not, folks. The Fantasy Friday review has served its five-match touchline ban for overzealous celebrations and is back with a vengeance. Is it all change in the Who Ate All The Pies Fantasy Football League? Click below to find out.