Something has probably been lost in translation, but we still enjoyed Patrice Evra’s take on how to defend against Man U team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo. Evra said: ‘Nobody can stop him. Probably the only way to do it is to kill him. When he runs at you, you try to grab his shirt or do whatever [...]

In-fighting at a table-topping team at this stage of the season would normally spell trouble, but this punch-up between Alan Smith and Darren Fletcher is purely accidental. Smudger gets a bit carried away celebrating Michael Carrick’s opener against Sheffield United last night and gives Fletcher a whack round the head. [Rob Parker]

So the FA will be happier than Larry this morning. They got the showpiece final they wanted for the new Wembley. No surprise that Watford couldn’t match Man U’s firepower (although they put up a good fight), but Blackburn really made Chelsea sweat; the Blues won out after extra time, causing Roman Abramovich to fall [...]

The FA must be dying to see England’s two best teams (Man Utd and Chelsea) grace the new Wembley, and I wasn’t surprised to see the semi-final draw keep the pair apart. Scott Murray, writing in today’s Guardian sports blog, claims that he wants nothing more than a gloriously unfashionable Blackburn v Watford final. It’s [...]

Real Madrid, stick that in your overpriced pipe and smoke it! Master Ronaldo loves playing with John O’Shea, Kieron Richardson and Darren Fletcher so much that he has decided to snub your billion-dollar advances and sign a new, improved five-year contract that will keep him at Old Trafford until 2012. ‘I am delighted,’ said CR. [...]

Watford are reported to still have 1,500 unsold tickets for Saturday’s semi-final against Man Utd at Villa Park, whilst Blackburn and Chelsea, who meet at Old Trafford on Sunday at 4pm, have both failed to sell 8,000 tickets of their allocations. The FA has come in for criticism for its choice of venue, but, as [...]

Are Real Madrid really prepared to splash out £54m on Cristiano Ronaldo, as reported in the Guardian today? That is a monstrous transfer fee, not to mention the £150,000 a week salary that he would be looking to pocket. Is he really worth that much cash? And what happened to Real’s claim that the galacticos [...]

If Milan get past Bayern Munich tonight (a pretty big if but I think they can do it), then we’ll be treated to a Man Utd v Milan CL semi final. That means we get to watch the world’s two best players, Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo, face off. And what cute faces they are too. [...]

‘The fact that three English teams should be in the semi-finals probably makes our league the best in Europe.’ So says Alex Ferguson and who are we to argue with him? He continues: ‘Six or seven years ago Spanish football was the best. But on the evidence of this season Barcelona and Real Madrid are [...]

‘This was the saddest night of my career…’ Francesco Totti, on the verge of tears after Roma crashed out. ‘It was a fantastic performance by every one of our players. The speed of our play and our penetration was absolutely superb… That’s absolutely the best night of European football we’ve had here.’ Alex Ferguson, a [...]

In a word, wow. Who really saw this coming? Not me, for one – I predicted a draw. Simply one of the most scintillating performances by an English club in Europe, ever. Roma were pretty poor, but that was down to United’s relentless waves of attack. When Premiership teams play at such a high tempo, [...]

1 Manchester United v Roma and Valencia v Chelsea: two excellent matches in very different ways. I decided to watch Manchester United first half and Chelsea second half – a good call I reckon! 2 United were absolutely unstoppable. The pace and verve of their attacking play was out of this world. Cristiano Ronaldo was [...]

A couple of bets for the Man Utd v Roma tie: 1 Man Utd half-time/draw full-time (12-1) I could see United scoring in the first half, but 1-0 is a dangerous score to sit on, and Roma have the talent to strike back an go through with a draw. 2 Cristiano Ronaldo to score first [...]

With the Premiership title race wide open after Saturday’s results, the Mind Games Tavern is open for business once again. The Sun reports today that Alex Ferguson is pondering which fine wine to share with Jose Mourinho after Chelsea meet Man Utd in the league at Stamford Bridge: ‘The last time Chelsea came to Old [...]

Rio Ferdinand found out the definition of the word karma on Saturday. A week after booting the ball into the face of a female fan, and this happens. Rio, son, you got merked! [Rob Parker]

Ginger prince bends like Bamboo in the summer wind. Can’t tackle for shit.

Man Utd have a job on to progress to the semi finals. They got the crucial away goal that Fergie demanded, so even though they lost I’d say they have a marginally better chance than Chelsea of making the last four. A 1-0 win at Old Trafford will be enough. After Paul Scholes was sent [...]

When trouble kicks off at an English side’s European away match, the one thing you can always be sure of is that an army of baton-wielding uniformed thugs looking like Star Wars Stormtroopers’ navy blue cousins will be around to crack a few heads open. Look how effectively this prostrate Manchester United fan is subdued [...]

Back in 1999 Manchester United were facing Italian opposition in the quarter-finals of the Champions League on their way to the Treble. Now it is Roma, then it was Juventus. Here is the first leg from Old Trafford. [Rob Parker]

She got merk’d! To be fair to Rio, he did apologise and then gave the woman his shirt after the game.

Fergie blasted Sky Sports’ reporter Geoff Shreeves after Man Utd’s 1-0 win against Boro in the FA Cup on Monday night. The Man Yoo boss reportedly called poor Geoff a ‘f***ing bastard’ and told him to ‘f**k off’ after the reporter questioned Cristiano Ronaldo over the incident that earned United the match-winning penalty. Upon learning [...]

As requested, here’s James Morrison’s cynical hack on Cronaldo, which rightly earned the Boro substitute a straight red card. And watch Ronaldo’s post-match interview below: ‘Of course it was a penalty…’ His English is coming on nicely.

Boro seem to think that Ronaldo dived to win Man Utd’s game-winning penalty, and no doubt Ronaldo-haters will think he went down to easily. Bollocks. It’s not a dive and the ref was right to award a penalty. Woodgate clearly caught him, end of story. I also think there’s an element of truth in Fergie’s [...]

Hard… to type… through… the tears… (sniff)… his hair is so lovely…

Commentator Martin Tyler doesn’t seem to realise that’s it’s gone in (either that or the audio is out of sync). A wonderful strike to light up a pretty pointless friendly.