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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

No doubting the big game this weekend. The title will all but be decided at Stamford Bridge tomorrow lunchtime as Chelsea take on Man Yoo in what Sky Sports may or may not be calling the Battle for the Universe in an action-packed commercial set to the Star Wars theme. Anyway, here is a classic moment sent in by Pies reader Mr E Dunphy, of Dublin.

Somebody should have told C-Ron that you are supposed to wait until the final before a display like this. Whereas the AC Milan man was dedicating victory to JC, Ronaldo was presumably seeking redemption for another dive. The eleventh commandment according to C-Ron: “Thou shalt give me a free-kick if I hit the deck.”

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Any ideas what Ronaldo’s reverse angle would show? I Belong At Real?

RTE pundit Dunphy doesn’t hold back in his condemnation of C-Ron’s “disgraceful” performance against Barcelona last night: Bit harsh on Ronaldo, no? His petulant, look-at-me display was distasteful, but not disgraceful.

The Champions League semi-final picture is no clearer after the first legs. Both games ended in draws, with little to choose between either set of teams. Chelsea probably have the edge after Riise’s late own goal, but it’s way too early to write off Liverpool, who outplayed the Blues for most of the first leg […]

BARCELONA Valdés Rarely called on, had no say in Ronaldo’s penalty miss. 6 Zambrotta Showed his pedigree and almost scored with a killer shot from range. 7 Márquez Very fortunate to get away with a foul on C-Ron in the area. Otherwise solid. 6 Milito Unlucky to give away the penalty so early on, but […]

This just in from Popbitch: “Ken Loach is making a biopic of Eric Cantona‘s time at Man Utd, provisionally titled Finding Eric. The director hasn’t lost his “man of the people” credentials. Rather than staying in the posh Lowry Hotel he’s in a big standard 3 star place, refusing the services of a chauffeur and […]

Pies has looked deep into its crystal match ball. This is how our team of footy-mad bloggers thinks tonight’s Barca vs Man Utd clash will pan out: Ollie, Pies Ed. “Fresh from predicting a 1-1 draw at Anfield last night – not an amazing feat, I admit – I can confidently say that I have […]

In which Barca, inspired by the genius of Hristo Stoichkov and Romario, dished out a football lesson to United. HARD FACT Man Yoo have never beaten Barcelona in the Camp Nou.

C-Ron juggles a ball during a Man Utd training session at the Camp Nou, ahead of tonight’s Champions League semi final against Barcelona. Photo Martin Rickett/PA Wire

En-route to the Treble, United enjoyed two thrilling 3-3 draws with Barca in the Champions League group stage. In a true group of death, Barca were eliminated as the Red Devils and their future final opponents, Bayern Munich, progressed. During the opening group game at Old Trafford, David Beckham gave United a 3-2 lead with this trademark free-kick. All the good work was undone by naughty Nicky Butt who conceded a penalty for handball and (literally) handed Barca a point.

Sir Alex Ferguson is getting on, Arsene Wenger hasn’t won anything for three seasons, Rafa Benitez seems pissed off at the whole Hicks vs Gillett/Parry circus (can you blame him?) and Avram Grant can do no right, even when he does no wrong. So which of the big four’s gaffers do you think will leave […]

An amazing goal by King Kev against mighty Man Utd (wearing blue!) at The Dell… er, except it wasn’t. The linesman flagged for David Armstrong’s offside, thereby cruelly robbing KK of a truly wonderful strike.

Liverpool must repay £31.5 million to banking institutions in little more than a year or risk having to sell Fernando Torres and Ryan Babel! Yeah, can’t see that happening. The Times Avram Grant gives the silent treatment to newspaper journalists after Chelsea’s win at Everton. Daily Mail Hicks vs Gillett, round 1,268: George Gillett issued […]

What a cheeky little goal from Lee Sharpe. The main reason it is forgotten is that United only drew the match 2-2, while Barcelona won 4-0 at the Nou Camp. The Red Devils were left behind at the group stage as Barca and unlikely table-toppers IFK Goteborg progressed. I can’t wait to see these pair getting together on Wednesday night (even it is minus Lee Sharpe!).

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We might have guessed he wasn’t quite the reformed character we had been led to believe. The Manchester United star broke the wrist of pensioner Fred Harrison during the recent Middlesbrough-Man Yoo game. C-Ron fired a wayward shot (apparently he does occasionally miss the target) into Middlesbrough fans, and 68-year-old Fred ended up with a broken wrist after putting his arms up to protect his face.

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres believes that the Primera Liga is stronger than the Premier League. “In England the top four are better than the ones in Spain, above all when it comes to consistency,” Torres told Radio Marca. “Apart from that, the rest of the teams in the Primera Liga are stronger as they have […]

This is pure class! It is mobile phone footage taken from Manchester United’s pre-match warm-up before their recent match with Liverpool. Cristiano Ronaldo manages to nutmeg a member of Man Yoo’s training staff without him even noticing. He doesn’t even break stride!

There can’t be any doubt that Cristiano Ronaldo is currently the best player in the world and possibly the best player in Man United’s history – his 35 goals this season have carried United to the top of the Premier League and within touching distance of another European Cup semi-final.
The only problem with taking your game to a higher level than anyone can reach is that you can feel disappointed by the ‘mere mortals’ playing around you. While Ronaldo has been breaking scoring records this season, his number of assists has fallen dramatically – suggesting a selfishness and lack of trust in his teammates

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1 United are through to the semi-finals. It is difficult to imagine Roma (or many sides for that matter) scoring two goals at Old Trafford at the moment.
2 Cristiano Ronaldo is unstoppable on present form.
3 But he is also a moody git. We don’t need the outstretched arms and face of disbelieving sorrow each time an opposition player brushes against you, C-Ron.

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It looks like Wayne Rooney has been attempting to mimic the facial hair of the man who pays his wages. Roo’s ginger beard (sans moustache) is an exact replica of the one sported by Manchester United owner Malcolm Glazer. How long before we see Wazza taking to the pitch in a pair of a gold-rimmed glasses?

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Roma boss Luciano Spalletti’s smooth but ever so bumpy cranium makes him a Shit Lookalike for a peanut.

Cristiano Ronaldo turns matador in this new advert for Fuji Xerox. In the Japanese advertt, C-Ron shows off his tricks as the bull charges round after the ball. Don’t worry if after a few seconds you start rooting for the bull – it is perfectly natural.

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With The Sun reporting that Wayne Rooney is ditching his guitar to take up the drums because he is finding the guitar too difficult, here are 10 songs we reckon Wazza should master before flogging his instrument.
1 Stick In The Middle With Roo
The abortive 2006 World Cup song in his honour.
2 Bohemian Rhapsody
The unofficial soundtrack to Wayne’s World.
3 All Together Now
Everton’s 1995 FA Cup final song.

I always like to see one of the big four taken down a peg, and so I smiled when both Arsenal and Liverpool crashed out of the FA Cup at the weekend. The manner of their defeats was very different. The Gooners might have expected to lose at Old Trafford, but even their fans must […]