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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Who’s going where, and who’s not going anywhere… Baked-bean head Mikael Silvestre was reportedly undergoing a medical at Man City when he was informed that Arsene Wenger wished to sign him. ‘Silvestre immediately abandoned the medical and hurtled down the M1 to meet Gunners boss Wenger and discuss terms,’ The Sun claims. Hope he stuck […]

C-Ron voted “ultimate gay icon” An online survey of 3,000 gay men voted C-Ronaldo the ultimate gay icon. A spokeswoman for www.gaygolddiggers.uk.com said: “Ronaldo’s ripped body, slicked-back hair, shiny white teeth and jewellery swung the votes his way. He looks like any gay man or woman’s dream.” Yeah, he also looks like a frickin’ Guido. […]

Brazil v Argentina, the board-game Olympics That’s one tense game of Jenga… until Carlos throws his toys out of the pram.

Friday’s news and rumours Paul Ince struggling to make friends at Blackburn? [BBC] Martin O’Neill cup-ties Gareth Barry. Screw you, Rafa [The Sun] Wayne Rooney fit for Man Utd opener v Newcastle [Mail] Adrian Mutu ordered by Fifa to pay £13.8m in damages to Chelsea, for failed drug test. It’s the biggest fine ever given […]

The best caption wins a five-disc DVD box set… Poor C-Ron: sat in the stands during Sunday’s Community Shield, all alone and probably wishing he was in Madrid. Oh well, how much sympathy can you have for a man who earns more than £100,000 in a single week? Exactly. Anyway, we want you to come […]

Today’s late-summer snacks Man Utd close in on Dimitar Berbatov. He’ll be a United player in the next 48 hours [Sun] Man City boss Mark Hughes has dismissed reports he is set to quit Eastlands amid rumours that Thaksin is trying to sell players behind his back [BBC] Cesc Fabregas did his hamstring in training, […]

United desperately need another forward. But who? C-Ron is out for two months, Louis Saha is made of glass, Fraizer Campbell is too raw… the attacking back-up to Carlos Tevez and Wayne Rooney – neither of whom are orthodox strikers – looks thin indeed. From a fan’s eye view, we all know that Man Utd […]

Watch Pompey choke at Wembley… Dire penalties by Lassana Diarra and Glen Johnson. Seriously, would you trust Glen Johnson in a penalty shoot-out? Bonus vid Watch Tottenham’s 5-0 demolition of AS Roma below…

United toothless up front but still claim first silverware of season Man Yoo owned Pompey for most of the game, but their lack of finishing power meant the game went all the way to pens. At which time Pompey totally gift-wrapped the trophy and handed it to the Prem champions – ‘Arry’s team could only […]

Today’s top football stories, with added mayo West Ham United and Fredrik Ljungberg have parted company, with the Swede just one year into a four-year contract [Guardian] Referee Mark Clattenburg has been suspended pending enquiries into reports regarding his alleged debts [BBC] Iain Dowie’s long-term future as QPR manager remains in serious doubt following a […]

United draw blank against Claudio Ranieri’s team Cristiano Ronaldo’s ankle, Wayne Rooney’s virus, plus injuries to Gary Neville, Owen Hargreaves, Michael Carrick and Ji-Sung Park have left Fergie with selection issues ahead of Sunday’s Community Shield clash with Portsmouth at Wembley. The United manager’s alarming lack of attacking options – buy a striker, man! – […]

Beck stays on the fence, avoids Fergie’s wrath In which our David adds his two cents to the Neverending Story that is the C-Ron transfer saga. And no, we don’t know why he’s holding a surfboard.

Top of the morning to you… West Ham reject Tottenham’s £15m offer for Dean Ashton. Spurs dodged a bullet there [Guardian] The C-Ron saga is finally over, says Fergie. The boy’s staying [BBC] The long-term future of Man City is in doubt after it emerged that owner Thaksin Shinawatra has explored the possibility of selling […]

Alex Ferguson gets one over on son Darren An own goal from Posh defender Russell Martin broke the deadlock just before half-time, before substitute Darron Gibson smashed home a great second for the visitors. Fergie (senior) was especially pleased with the performance of new Brazilian full-backs, Rafael and Fabio. The United boss said: “The young […]

Pies has it figured out… Why do you think C-Ron spent most of his summer on a sun lounger, slowly turning the colour of Nutella? It’s obvious now: because he wanted to look as good as possible in the all-white kit of Real Madrid; everyone knows that white shows off a tan nicely. Oh, and […]

C-Ron is not coming back to Manchester According to Portuguese newspaper A Bola, Real Madrid have already set a date to present Cristiano Ronaldo to the world – and that date is August 15th. Put it in your diary. Madrid have reportedly offered €75 million to Man Utd for Ronaldo, a sum that they believe […]

You’ll never brawl alone

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Tuesday’s soccer-shaped smorgasbord Real Madrid midfielder Wesley Sneijder’s knee injury will rule him out for three months, a relief to the player who had feared a longer absence. Tests showed Sneijder did not tear ligaments when he was challenged by Arsenal’s Abou Diaby in a friendly. [Canadian Press] Alex Ferguson is a secret film buff […]

The best pics from the weekend’s friendly action

2″OLE”GEND takes a well-deserved bow Man Utd legend Ole Gunnar Solskjaer had his testimonial at the weekend, against Espanyol. He came on for the last 20-odd minutes and despite his dodgy knees, still showed enough class to remind fans inside Old Trafford why he will always be remembered as a true United legend. I’ve written […]

This crazy game involves helping wantaway Cristiano Ronaldo to escape from hospital and the clutches of Sir Alex Ferguson to land his dream move to Real Madrid. The basic premise is that you use the elastic supporting C-Ron’s knackered ankle to catapult him through the hospital window, picking up as many wads of cash as possible on the way. Real Madrid helicopters are on hand to give you an extra lift along, but beware Fergie the Red Baron who will offer friendly pointers such as: “It’s back to the slave boat for you, son.” Click here to play Ronaldo2Real.

Friday’s fattiest scraps from the table we call “football” Wayne Rooney questioned by police after allegedly spitting at a paparazzo [Mirror] Lucky Steve McLaren, eh – his FC Twente team drew Arsenal in the Champions League. Check out the full draw over at the BBC Boris Johnson spotted shopping for Arsenal merchandise. He also signed […]

Thursday’s news balls, inflated to the max Deuce Bigalow (aka Rob Schneider) snapped wearing West Ham shirt. Oh, and drunk [The Offside Rules] C-Ron says his move to Real Madrid is “non-negotiable”. Fergie might have something to say about that [The Spoiler] Tottenham have held talks with Spartak Moscow striker Roman Pavlyuchenko [BBC] Revealed, the […]

G-Nev vs fighty Batman star Gary is like an uglier, wonky-nosed version of Bale, but you can see the resemblence, no? More Shit lookalikes