‘Your Mum’s A Slag’ – Is The ‘John Terry Race Trial’ Being Scripted By Armando Iannucci?

Chris Wright

11th, July 2012


By Chris Wright


As anyone who has been following the various nattering going on over in Westminster Magistrates’ Court since yesterday morning (it’s basically just a non-stop cavalcade of asterisks) will already be well aware, the John Terry-Anton Ferdinand race trial is pretty much playing out like a headmaster trying to eek the truth out of two bickering 14-year old lads who were caught fighting in the playground at lunch time: ‘He started it’, ‘yeah, but he called me a knob’, etc ,etc.

Now, we shouldn’t forget that at the crux of the whole furore is a potentially serious nugget of something or other, but it’s all so ludicrously childish – laughably so at times. Basically, it’s a circus act which essentially boils down to incredibly serious, professional people; judges, barristers, jurors, lawyers; calling each other ‘f**king black c**nts’ over and over again with ne’er a smile upon their faces.

Indeed, the judge asking Terry’s character witness, one Ashley Cole, to actually say the word ‘cunt’ in the dock instead of merely spelling it out earlier today is on the brink of being a satirical pearler.

Shortly before claiming to ‘always remain calm in big matches’ (Alexis Sanchez may beg to differ), Terry himself was pressed into attesting in a court of law that he heard 40,000 people chanting that ‘his mum loves Scouse cock’ then reluctantly explaining to the court that she had been dating a man from Merseyside at the time. “Let the record show that the defendant’s mother does indeed favour the Liverpudlian appendage.”

It’s gold dust. It’s too good. It can’t be real. For Christ’s sake, just look at what poor Brian Swanson had to report in to Sky Sports News for their afternoon bulletin yesterday with his big, serious face…

We’re past the point of stupidity. Stupidity is now just a dot in the rear view mirror.

Posted in Chelsea, FAIL, Media, QPR

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  1. CFC Jay says:

    Terry and Ferdinand had words with each other after a goal mouth incident (both “cleanly” slagging each other off) then moments later as they both ran up the pitch Ferdinand said something along the lines of “…did you call me a black C***?” to which Terry responded with something like “you black c***??….no i didnt call you a black C***, you knobhead!”
    How anyone can be classed as a racist because of this is beyond me. Video footage is a little unclear as there doesnt appear to be a constant stream of the alleged converstaion, though you do pick up bits if you lip read. But all in all, Terry did say “you black c***??” but in an inquizative manor to Ferdinand’s comment of “did you call me a black C****….”
    Anyways, all those who have already been judge, jury, and executioner to this incident, what ever happened of innocent until PROVEN guilty…????? Food for thought i think…….!

  2. Monkey says:

    Was this part a genuine quote or added by WAATP? I pray its real.

    ”Let the record show that the defendant’s mother does indeed favour the Liverpudlian appendage.”

  3. Kacker says:

    CFC Jay, you the judge or something?

  4. plops says:

    I liked the bit about not spelling out cunt, ha. It does sound a funny place to be.

    What was that Rio Ferdinand said in his autobiography, something about one of the England defenders is a known racist? That’s when everyone started saying Terry was a racist, a few years ago wasn’t it? I may be wrong, but I’m sure I heard that.

    You’d think Cole, Drogba etc wouldn’t talk to the guy. You can’t have a team where one guy hates the black players and they know it. It does seem odd.

  5. Applesauce says:

    Proud to live in a country where you wouldn’t go to court for calling someone a “black cunt”, but would most certainly receive one hell of an ass kicking.

  6. Al says:

    @ CFC Jay – I think you’re spot on there, that really is the most plausible explanation, ridiculous that it’s got to this stage.
    John Terry has done some stuff in his past that make him look bad but who hasn’t?
    I seriously doubt he would have gotten to where he is in the modern game by being a racist, it would have made it very difficult for him to play alongside black players so succesfully.

    @ plops – I wouldn’t put too much weight on anything Rio Ferdinand put in his book as he is of as dubious character as John Terry considering some of his previous misdemeanours, in fact, in the words of Ashley Cole I would say Ferdinand is a bigger C U Next Tuesday

  7. Toz says:

    Yerp, that’s SkySports for you. Shite as always.

  8. Karan says:

    A simple 8 match ban would settle this with way less controversy in my opinion.What a farce of the judicial system.Pompous,self-important people in suits,all of them.

  9. plops says:

    And there was the John Terry/Ledley King incident a few years ago where he was alleged to have called him a lippy black monkey. I’m not saying he’s guilty, I don’t know the guy or what happened. But where there’s smoke…

  10. p says:

    oh britain and you’re complete ignorance of the notion of free speech

  11. Jarren says:

    Sod this, I’m going to get off my mash on ecstasy pipes.

    See you all once the wind blows over.

  12. plops says:

    @Jarren Got any yellow bentines or clarky cats?

    Jessop jessop jessop jessop jessop.

  13. Dr. Roberts says:

    Oh P, and your complete ignorance of standard grammar and punctuation.

  14. Jarren says:

    @plops: Sorry man, since my last post I’ve turned to cake.

    Has anybody any cake they can send me?

    I can give my body for some cake.

    I want cake.


    Thumbs up if Bernard Manning sent you here

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