Ten Fearless Predictions For The 2011/12 Premier League Season

Chris Wright

18th, July 2011


By Chris Wright

Sit back and watch the best of the 2011/2012 Premier League season live with Sky Sports HD.

Not that we’re sitting in our undercrackers, idly watching the clock or anything, but there is now only 26 days, 3 hours, 29 minutes and 29 seconds until the Premier League farts back into life and hits our screens again over the weekend of August 13th – so we reckon it’s high time to take a deep swill of chutzpah juice and make our famous(ly rubbish) and fearless predictions for 2011/12…

1. Chelsea to win the title – Let’s get the biggie out of the way first shall we? Sir Alex reckons we’re looking at a six-way rumble for the title next season, with United, Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Liverpool and…erm…Spurs (we think?) all vying for the silverware.

We’ll discount Tottenham here and now because, in Layman’s terms, they’re Tottenham – but the possibility of Liverpool sneaking into the mix has been heightened by a decent batch of summer acquisitions and the warm, rejuvenated halo of optimism emanating from King Kenny’s hind-quarters.

We see City struggling to keep their plates spinning without the safety net of Carlos Tevez’s steady goal stream and Arsenal look more fractious than ever – so, when the dust finally settles after Christmas, we envisage yet another two-horse race with Chelsea pipping United this time around.

Though, to be fair, that’s what we said last year.

2. Liverpool to nab Arsenal’s spot in the top four – Many are backing Luis Suarez to carry on where he left off last season and provide Liverpool with the kind of flair that they’ve missed of late, but we’ve got a sneaking suspicion that it will be the altogether more agricultural ‘Downing/Carroll’ axis that yields the most points on Merseyside next year.

3. Top four will be – Chelsea, Man Utd, Man City, Liverpool with Arsenal securing Champions League football despite finishing fifth by qualifying via some ancient bylaw written in the small print of the Domesday book.

4. Blackburn to sack Steve Kean by October – Don’t get us wrong, Kean is by no means offensive, but unfortunately he is also utterly charmless and certainly doesn’t seem to sit right as far as Venky’s airy-fairy ambitions for Blackburn are concerned.

Looks like he hasn’t been allowed to spend any of the chicken money this summer and we reckon he’ll be the first managerial casualty of 2011/12 – being rolled aside for a ‘bigger’ name (Avram Grant?) to step into the breach following a couple of crap performances/ iffy results during the first few weeks of the season.

To be precise, we’ve got our eyes on the decisive pounding being doled out by Arsenal at Ewood on September 17th.

5. Fernando Torres to score a (relative) shed-load of goals – Nando’s already notched one in pre-season, and we’re backing the intricate approach play of the newly-fit Yossi Benayoun to really help make the difference vis-a-vis Torres’ goal haul in 2011/12.

Never has so much faith been heaped on top of one so spindly, grey and frail.

6. Robin van Persie to finish top scorer – Prolific on a game-by-game basis whenever he took to the field last season, if the Dutchman can stay fit for…ah.

Yes, we know he’ll be crocked for at least three months at some point, but we really think that next year RVP is going to land the golden boot despite his balsa wood skeleton and ligaments o’ warm-chocolate.

7. Alex McLeish to suck the life out of Villa – With Young and Downing riding off into the sunset, things aren’t looking too promising for Villa as the new campaign begins to crown over the horizon – especially given that they relied fairly heavily on their front three for long stretches of last season.

We don’t mean to stereotype, but you can probably expect a nine-man defensive unit at Villa Park next term, with Darren Bent (who’ll up-sticks and vamoose in January) told to man the opposition’s half solo, á la Cameron Jerome and all the big men then cavaliering forward to clatter home corners and free-kicks. Birmingham Mk II.

The club’s dwindling reserve of fleet-footed creative players (Albrighton, Agbonlahor, Ireland?) are going to have to seriously up their respective games if Villa are to even come close to repeating their ninth-place finish come next May.

8. Everton to have a decent start to a Premier League season for once – Another off-season of absolutely zippo transfer activity again suggests otherwise, but here’s hoping – Lord knows they’re long overdue.

After getting a tricky opener against Spurs out of the way on August 13th, the Toffees play QPR, Blackburn, Villa, Wigan and Man City before wading into the first Merseyside derby of the season on October 1st – by which we hope they’ll have snagged enough points to at least not have incurred the annual (laughable) ‘Moyes Out!’ internet campaign.

9. Norwich, QPR and Wigan will go down – Of the three clubs that were promoted, we’re backing Swansea to stay up by the skins of the teeth – though a maiden Premier League outing on the opening ‘Monday Night Football’ (Aug 15th) of the campaign against Man City is sure to test the Swans’ top-flight mettle straight off the bat.

We’ve got Norwich finishing bottom, Wigan finally succumbing and disappearing in a cloud of wild inconsistency and QPR slipping down in 18th, as having poor old, put-upon Neil Warnock at the helm (assuming he’s still there) makes you automatic Premier League relegation fodder by law.

10. Carlos Tevez returns to the Premier League – Signs for Chelsea in January after going on strike at Corinthians, retires after ‘falling out of love with paychecks’ in June, rejoins ‘boyhood club’ West Ham in July, retires again in August…etc, etc.

There you go folks and folkettes, any fearless predictions of your own you’d care to share with the group?

This season, Sky Sports will be showing 115 live Premier League fixtures, with every match available in HD and selected matches in 3D.

Every single Barclays Premier League team shown live in the first set of Sky Sports HD fixtures, and all three newly-promoted clubs shown live at least three times by the end of November.

Sky Sports will be covering all the big head-to-heads, including Manchester United’s heavyweight clashes with Arsenal (Aug 28th) and Chelsea (Sep 18th), as well as screening seven major derbies in HD including Everton v Liverpool (Oct 1st), Tottenham vs Arsenal (Oct 2nd) and the Manchester derby followed by QPR vs Chelsea (both on Oct 23rd).

Please note however, that all fixture are liable to change – we wouldn’t want you to miss out!

Sign up with Sky Sports Football and feast your peepers on the 2011/2012 Premier League season in glorious HD.

Posted in Betting & predictions, Featured, Top 10s & lists

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  1. BigAl says:

    You’re going to be wrong about Villa.

  2. Lady B says:

    Well Tottenham have so far lost to one of our local SA teams, Kaizer Chiefs, so there’s not much hope for them then… Radagast and I are off to see them next weekend… Hope we don’t need to ask for a refund!

  3. Philaldo9 says:

    Shilling for Sky, Pies? For shame.

  4. Lady B says:

    Oh yes, I LOLed at RVP’s “balsa wood skeleton and ligaments o’ warm-chocolate.” :P

  5. fafaf says:

    The perils of running a football website – predictions have to be made!

    Chris you der-brain 17th is enough to stay up :P

  6. matt says:

    Fuck off Pies, Rangers will NOT be going down.

  7. C says:

    I will shave my head if Torres gets more then five league goals.

  8. Ogban says:

    These are no predictions. They are, at best, your own wishful thinking.Truly bold predictions can only be made when all the teams have completed their summer dealings and pre-season preparations

  9. RAJAN says:

    hope is still hope for LIVERPOOL since 1990…………..
    SIGN SOME FOREIGN PLAYER AND KEEP Aqualani,cole,meireles and maxi.

  10. wiggs says:

    I predict more half-brained supporters will take these predictions as gospel and spit their dummies out.

  11. Matty78 says:

    I love the idea of RVP getting the golden boot, but if so, how the hell would Arsenal finish outside the top 4 ??? I think one of the “bombproof 3” of Chelsea, Man Citeh and United will fail spectacularly this time around and Arsenal will surprise the critics and actually IMPROVE.

  12. Montesquieu says:

    That Wenger coat is huge.

  13. Mr Sensible says:

    Just cant see Chelsea winning the league.

    Terry will be injured a lot, David Luiz can’t actual defend very well.

    Drogba/Anelka can’t play with Torres meaning they will only play 1 up front meaning they desperately need wingers. Malouda looks like a man that can’t be fucked anymore while Benayoun is average at best and Zhirkov and Kalou are useless.

    Lampard is past it, never relied on his pace but really looks out of sorts and I don’t see them getting Modric.

    Essien is injured but even when he’s fit he rubbish, basically the new Hargreaves. Which leaves Ramires who looks impressive and Mikel who I don’t think has ever made a forward pass.

    Basically they lack any sort of quality amongst their younger players, they’re turning into AC Milan who are useless unless they play in a league that is slow (Serie A).

    I’m a United fan and the only team that really worries me is Citeh, IF they can get their players to perform rather than just pick up their wages then they will be a real force.

    Silva Nasri De Yong Toure Johnson

    That with Kompany in defence is very scary, but like I said it all depends whether Macini can get them to play and also if he stops being so negative. I’m happy that they bought Clichy though, he’s fucking useless too.

    It really does surprise me how EVERY fucking season people write off United’s chances. Football is a team sport, we may lack superstars but we are by far the most well balanced squad in England with players hungry to win every season.

  14. Nick Wiper says:

    good call on Steve Kean, but I seem to recall pies doing a bit on how Torres would never recapture his best form? ….Howay a bit of consistency lads ;)

  15. Bruno says:

    Like always the guys from Pies say Chelsea will win the Premier League. Do you know Manchester United? That team you always write off and always win this fucking league? I’m getting tired of this. Even with Essien out and with a completely inexperienced manager in place of Carlo they’re gonna win it. Go buy a Chelsea shirt for christsake

  16. DK says:

    Mr Sensible – AVB has said he will get the drogba/torres partnership to work, don’t forget falcao and hulk couldn’t play together for ages, he got that working. Even if that doesn’t work, torres and sturridge could play very well together. Lampard may be past it but i’d still have him over carrick/scholes anyday. yes we need a new winger, someone in the mould of sanchez but not sanchez. he will go to barca. that dutch kid elia is pretty handy. And as for essien being rubbish, LOL, the same player who has a permanently reserved space in his pocket for half the united team whenever we play you. serbs-wise i’d have vidic over ivanovic, fair enough, but Rio is injured more than JT and I’d have Luiz over evans anyday. TROLOLOLOLOL. whats the weather like in manchester by the way? oh, wait…

  17. Jimbo says:

    United will win the league

  18. piffy pete says:

    @ mr. sensible…….youre the dumbest fucker ive heard on here yet. essien rubbish when fit? ac milan has no quality young players (pato, merkel, el shaaraway, boatang, paloschi, taiwo)? where do you get this shit? if anyone its united who are gunna suck dick next season, and thats comin from a united fan. look at our midfield, wheres the quality? apart from wingplay i cant see how the offensive aspect of uniteds gameplay will develop. do you seriously believe that carricks good enough? or anderson? or fletcher? this has to be the most avergae midfield uniteds possessed in the last 20 years. and if its wingplay we depend on then i sure as hell hope berbatov stays, or do you think that 176cm rooney and 175cm hernandez will be bangin in the headers?

  19. MR. T says:


  20. John says:

    Shocking that Mr. Sensible is a United fan that looks at Chelsea through rotten glasses. Grow up mate!

  21. LOL says:


    “Malouda looks like a man that can’t be fucked anymore”
    “Mikel who I don’t think has ever made a forward pass.”

    ur a funny man Mr Sensible

  22. Papi says:

    Oi, Ogban, I think these predictions are based on the transfer window moves so far, ya nancy.

    That being said, if Arsenal don’t get their shit together, I think the Citizens and King Kenny’s Liverpool will knock them out of a Champion’s League spot.

  23. Jack says:

    Every year, for the last four/five years, someone predicts arsenal will drop out of the top four. Every year those people are wrong. When will you learn? Or do you like being proven wrong time and time again?

  24. nickooo says:

    Chelsea won’t be winning the league.

    United will win it again. Followed by city in 2nd, chelsea 3rd, liverpool 4th, tottenham 5th (i hope) & 6th Arsenal loolool

    ok maybe arsenal 5th tottenham 6th.

  25. Purplest says:

    Fuck yes Swans.

  26. Mr. Angry says:

    i do agree that MR.SENSIBLE is as daft as a brush!


  27. matt says:

    is it me or has the cameraman in the pic of Neil Warnock sporting the world’s most obvious syrup?

  28. alex says:

    RVP will win the golden boot???? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  29. Montesquieu says:

    Just as predicted, all the idiots came out of the woodwork to bitch and complain about these predictions.

  30. pete says:

    wouldn’t be so much complaining if they predicted united to win the league

    chelsea haters are so boring

  31. TheBro says:

    I like it…

  32. Fat Nakago says:

    Of the newly promoted teams, Norwich will be the one to stay up. OKay..Swansea will stay up too. Grant Holt and Chris Sinclair will tie to lead the league in goals. QPR will go down the Wigan/Wolves/Blackburn (take yer pick).

  33. Realistic. says:

    Any win for Chelsea is a major defeat for the game itself. My prediction? Millions of rosy-cheeked optimists all happily paying their extortionate Sky subscriptions and watching mostly mediocre footy all season and still failing to see the prem for what it is, over-rated, predictable and tedious.

  34. big mean bunny says:

    you mentioned liverpools signings propelling them forward, have I missed their other signings? I have only see them over paying for two average Englishmen and then buying Charlie Adam, who else did they get that has made them a top 4 team?…have they signed the Pope!

  35. Santa says:

    Oh oh oh ! I think the Swans are going to do a ‘Blackpool’. QPR and Norwich will definitely stay up, they’re too good to … Well, they may go down after all.
    My ‘magic’ three for this season is : 18. Swansea 19. Sunderland 20. Wolves

  36. Satan says:

    @Realistic: If the prem is “over-rated, predictable and tedious” what league would you have us watch? The 2 horse La Liga race? The dull defensive Serie A? Face it, the EPL is the most exciting major European league.

  37. realistic says:

    Exciting how? It’s also a 2 horse race, 3 at best. Man Utd were badly shown up in the European Cup Final, the other 2 are joke clubs, more money than sense. Exciting as in frantic? The best players are all overseas players and the best of them stay well clear for fear of being tainted and ending up looking like British “dog chasing a bone” players. The ‘exciting’ part is the presentation. I’d suggest watching your local team or how’s this for a radical idea…actually get off the sofa and play football.

  38. Dazedandconfused says:

    It’s the same every year. Liverpool top four. I hate to say it but I think this year Spurs are going to be there or there a bouts. Liverpool have spent the Torres money too quick on rubbish players Charlie Adams, the fat bearded Geordie Carrol. My prediction another season of below par performances culminating in King Kenny getting the same despicable treatment as Woy by a bunch on small minded, never go to the match, dreaming of past glory, brain dead, shell suited no marks. How long before We hear the same old cry. Yanks out. I say the best they can hope for is top 10

  39. […] goalkeeper Thibault Courtois. Lampard has also revealed that the squad are under a new …Ten Fearless Predictions For The 2011/12 Premier League SeasonWho Ate All The PiesTRANSFER NEWS: £25m Ace Welcomes Premier League Move […]

  40. Jim says:

    Liverpool’s signings have been singularly uninspired.

    Suarez aside, every signing they’ve made has the mark of “mid-table” club written all over them.

  41. L says:

    I think people will be surprised by Liverpool this season. People writing off their chances will have egg on their faces when they make top 4, and people bigging them up to be title contenders will have egg on their faces when they make 4th by goal difference. I reckon United will win the league again, but Chelsea will make it difficult. And Torres scoring a shed-load of goals? I can see it, especially with Yossi being fit. This season should be a lot better for him, but I don’t think he’ll ever get back to his 08/09 form.

  42. AJM says:

    Stability has returned to Liverpool and you figure the team will have to be better than last season as a result of signings where they were needed and improved, PL-proven depth. The opposite is true for Arsenal – the team is in more disarray than ever, the necessary signings have not been made and the fans are starting to turn on the manager more and more. And of course, key players are trying to leave in a very public manner. Similar concerns apply to Spurs. Liverpool have every chance to make 4th.

    United will be very difficult to beat at 4th. Their depth is second to none in the league and they’re bringing in more of their academy players who have shown great skill and technique. De Gea will be a step down from VDS this season no matter how good he is but the defense has so many options that they should be able to weather injuries or drops in form and provide cover. Up front, they have 4 very similar skillful, fast, and imaginative players in Rooney, Nani, Young, and Welbeck, who should hopefully learn to link well with Anderson and Cleverley (and, perhaps, Sneijder). The movement displayed in the CC suggests this newer, younger team are going to fit well together and grow up with each other for years to come. Throw in 2 players who, while not as complete overall are still top class at their respective roles – Hernandez as fox in the box and Valencia as a classic winger – plus the league’s top scorer last season (Berba). Chelsea, imo, haven’t done enough to improve from last year. Don’t forget the three consecutive losses during the run-in against United last year – Chelsea were thoroughly outclassed.

  43. Hey, Man U will win it this year. Man City will finish second with Aguero, and Tevez. (Tevez is too greedy to leave Man City) Chelsea will finish 3rd. Torres will SUCK. Chelsea will finally show their age, while 4th place goes to Arsenal. As long as RVP, Fabregas, Nasri, and Walcott stay or are on form they will survive. Liverpool will be a major dissapointment, and tottenham will finish 5th.

  44. NCFC says:

    WTF!!! QPR and Norwich will go down? QPR will definetly not go down and norwich will sure as hell not go down! My bottom three are Blackburn, Bolton and Swansea. I just cant see QPR and Norwich going down…

  45. yeah baby yes says:

    We need to start add campaign to get keen and venkys out of blackburn spread the word lets get them out off our football club

  46. Tory says:


    even Venky’s would have sacked Chris Wright if he were a manager.

  47. max says:

    downing and carroll to fire liverpool to top four? 6th place chelsea champions? nando to score a shedload? plus not one relegation pick correct – not the greatest of predictions its fair to say. although seeing as i didnt post any im not really having a go. (apart from the carroll/downing one. ouch)
    fair play on rvp and villa though. and kean should’ve been sacked in any sane world

  48. Anonymous says:


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