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The Relentless Nutmegging Of John Terry: A Heartfelt Charitable Appeal

By Chris Wright

This has to stop…

It can’t have escaped your notice that there is currently a silent epidemic sweeping through the Premier League, a craze which fosters a culture of hostility, shame and devastatingly sudden isolation – The Relentless Nutmegging of England’s John Terry.

There was a point when John would fight the mockery in the only way he knew how…

“Natmeg this you c**t!”

…but those days are sadly gone.¬†John is old, weary, broken. The legs have gone, the mind is soon to follow. When even Andy Carroll is ‘doing you like a kipper’ then you know the end is probably nigh.

Said Terry himself, eyes glazed, through chattering teeth:

“It’s pwopa nawty geez. Makin’ me look like a fackin gimboid innit?

“First I made out like dey were all meggin’ me cuz me fackin Hampton Wick’s so fackin huge that I couldn’t close me Bacon And Eggs up pwopa like – but troof be told guv, I’m hung like a fackin dormouse.”

And so, the appeal for help goes out.

With just ¬£400,000 a week, we will be able to ship John Terry off to the Chinese Super League or the UAE, where he can live out the rest of his footballing days in peace. He’ll still get nutmegged, but at least he won’t be able to read the papers afterwards.

Please, give generously.

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By Chris on May 10th, 2012 in Chelsea, FAIL, Featured, Funnies, Liverpool, Videos. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

11 Responses to “The Relentless Nutmegging Of John Terry: A Heartfelt Charitable Appeal”

  1. Lady B says:

    Wahahahah! :D Awesome! Pension the old fart off!

  2. Alex fuckerson says:

    Terry juast an average player and also idiot as well.

  3. […] via Who Ate All the Pies.) /* */ /* */ /* */   (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = […]

  4. Veej says:

    Serves the twat right!
    Love the Terry quote PIES, you always make me laugh!

  5. Toz says:

    One correction, he already lost his mind and sense a long time ago.

  6. Al says:

    leave off the lot of you, Terry is alright, shags a few birds, makes a few racist comments, whats not to like?

  7. Jarren says:

    Haha, brilliant!

  8. jj says:


  9. Fat Nakago says:

    I’m a Chelsea fan and I like John Terry but unfortunately I find this funny a hell.

  10. p says:

    got to nutmeg’d so well that he lifted the FA cup a few days ago

  11. Anonymous says:


    bravoooooh – freakin’ brilliant piece

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