Football Venn: Welcome To…The Balotelli Zone

Chris Wright

16th, November 2011


By Chris Wright

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. This is an area we call, The Balotelli Zone…

Surely the ‘Balotelli Zone’ isn’t the sole preserve of young Mario? Granted, I’m struggling to think of players that manage the startling feat of being decent, mental and likeable. Gazza perhaps? He’s certainly got the ‘mental’ thing cornered.

Any suggestions peeps?

Image: Valderramarama

Posted in Funnies, Man City

Share this article: Email


  1. nicko says:


  2. Dusty says:

    Lol, how is Gazza in any way likeable?

    Idiotic, pish stained, junkie, wife beating tramp of a human.

    • Chris says:

      @Dusty: Aye. That may well be true, but he’s always on hand to dole out fishing rods, chicken and dressing gowns to the truly needy.

  3. Fredmeister says:

    Cassano? Di canio? Cantona?

  4. :) says:

    i’m liking the positioning of el-hadji diouf :) can’t say i find messi likeable – but i see that others do i spose

  5. kct says:

    All jokes aside, this football venn is unbelievably clever! Balotelli’s management should replace the word ‘mental’ with something like ‘unique character’ and send it off to all the advertising agencies with a text about how using him instead of Ronaldo and Messi makes sense. Then after they’ve successfully collected a billion pounds they should donate 1.5% to Pies.

  6. Papi says:

    Mental: Gennaro Gattuso
    Likeable: Chicharito
    Mental / Good at Football: Neymar

    I’ll come up with more when I leave class.

  7. Davy says:

    @Dusty…I dont believe Gazza was a tramp of a human just a guy with obvious mental problems who managed to keep them (somewhat) under control until the football dissapeared and he began to self implode as he had nothing to occupy his (unstable) mind. I will never make an excuse for the wife beating mind but I think he deeply regrets this!! I cant help but have a bit of love for Gazza, even if it is a slightly rose tinted (1990) view!!

  8. Foran44 says:

    I agree with Fredmeister DiCanio is fairly likable, mental and was world class

  9. Kate says:

    This is truly clever. I love the paragraph…very creative and smart! I truly cannot stand Balotelli, he’s such a self serving, “i’m hot shit” idiot, he’s right up there with the ranks of John Terry. BUT, all that aside, this venn diagram makes perfect sense…so, kudos to you Mr Wright. :)

    • Chris says:

      Thanks Kate, but I can’t take any of the credit for it. Alas, you should really be thanking the guys over at Valderramarama.

  10. Dick van Kundt says:

    Agree with the venn diagram and most of the comments in all their glorious absurdity. Even though he’s bat-shit crazy, there is something unexplainably likeable about Mario Balotelli.
    Also agree with you lot bout gazza, cantona and dicanio.

  11. Mr. Sparkle says:

    Was Ameobi included for Dave from Newcastle?

  12. Kacker says:

    Suarez and Di Canio surely?

  13. high as a kuyt says:

    djibril cisse!

  14. CKerr90 says:


    Suarez? likeable? really?

    maybe if you’re a fellow racist bastard

  15. Eddy says:

    @Mr. Sparkle

    Hahaha yes glad to see im not the only fan of the show hahaha. Ameobi like! :D

  16. stefan says:

    Mental/Good at football: Pepe

  17. stefan says:

    Good at football only: Anelka

  18. Ubietz888 says:

    Di Canio definitely!

    The man’s autobiography has a tira misu recipe from his grandmother for the love of God. That’s awesome enough on its own.

  19. sloth says:

    I vote the “Balotelli Zone” be renamed to the “Maradona Zone.”

  20. Col says:

    Can someone create an alternative Venn diagram? Categories: Boring (Michael Owen), Sh!t at Football (Eric Djemba-Djemba) and Unlikeable (Duncan Ferguson).

  21. nicko says:

    DiCanio is immensely dislikeable, but then again, I am an Oxford fan!

    Cantona was never likeable IMO either… Cissé isn’t a bad shout though

  22. high as a kuyt says:

    @ col. That would be the fernando torres zone, right?

Leave a Reply