Noel Gallagher Threatens To Tear Out Gary Neville’s Moustache With His Teeth

By Chris Wright

In an on-off feud that dates back a few years to when former Oasis lynchpin Noel Gallagher signed a guitar for Gary Neville with the pithy: “Happy Birthday Knobhead MCFC x”, the former has now threatened to pull the latter’s wispy moustache out with his teeth after the recently-retired Manchester United right-back made the mistake of quoting Oasis lyrics on his Twitter feed.

After United effectively tied up their 19th league title by defeating Chelsea on Sunday, Neville tweeted: “’While we’re living, the dreams we have as children fade away.’ Not if you support United!” – the first line of which is a lyric from ‘Fade Away’, which I believe was the B-side to ‘Cigarettes and Alcohol’.

Unsurprisingly, staunch Man City fan Gallagher didn’t take too kindly to a former United stalwart plagiarising his work and retorted thusly:

“I feel violated. If Mr. Neville continues to use the holy scriptures of Oasis to communicate with the Cockney massive, I shall be forced to come up to Cheshire in the middle of the night, break into his house, tie him to a chair, make him listen to the Best of Simply d(Red)ful while I pull his tash out one grey hair at a time (with my teeth), liberate those Oasis CDs and shit in his manbag. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…”

Moustache yanking? Manbag defecating? All well and good if you ask me, but no man – no matter how vile, rodent-like and detestable – should be made to suffer at the hands of Mick Hucknall ever again.

A line has been crossed.

Posted in Man City, Man Utd

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  1. Laurence says:

    I’d like to see him try. I am pretty sure Neville would smash his head in. A professional sportsman versus a drunken drug taking twat. Haha. I love it when the Gallagher bros give it large. I can’t imagine either being much use in a fight.

  2. LORD GAGA says:

    Noel Gallagher is so tiny he will fit down the chimney – Unfortunately for him the step-ladders he would then need to climb on to the bed to reach Gary Neville wont.
    The Oasis Knobs are so annoying they cant even stand each other! I am permanently amzaed how The Rutles from Burnage ever sold a single record. Small men feel very brave sat at a computer or when they have a couple of security guards.
    Oi Gallaghers – Just wind your little neck in and shut up you annoying gnome.

  3. LORD GAGA says:

    Ive just realised that this is actually very very very Gay – Gallagher Idiot No 1 will be pretty much trying to french kiss him.

  4. jamie says:

    @LORD GAGA… You’re in no position to be homophobic with that name.

  5. Sunn K))) says:

    Oasis…? they haven’t been relevant since the ’90s

  6. Jimbo says:

    what a clown

  7. Redskywalker says:

    Nev would smack his face off! @lawrence you said it best

  8. Kevin says:


  9. gene wilder says:

    @Sunn K))) Neither has Neville…

  10. Dan says:

    This week has been a continuous chain of “news” about City fans that can only be defined as a complex beverage of pride, stupidity, insanity, and general what da fug. Sure plenty of booze in that mix.

  11. tomas says:

    typical man city

  12. Leanne says:

    Sounds very homoerotic. Don’t they say that there is a thin line between love and hate?

  13. Kyle says:

    I find it very ironic that they keep this tribal football hate towards football players. Considering they pretty much forged a career out of a band from Liverpool

  14. ringomountbatten says:

    Gallagher’s only having a laugh. Great wit! So you guys are actually sticking up for Garry Neville? (Shakes Head)

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