It’s one of the great FA Cup moments, but for some reason it’s only just fully come to light: that time a doctor had to stitch up Steven Gerrard’s penis during a fourth-round match at Bournemouth in 2004.
Dr. Andrew Massey, the Reds’ first-team doctor at the time, was shocked to see Stevie G’s tackle covered in blood after a clash with Harry Arter. Impressively*, Gerrard played the whole match, which Liverpool won 2-0.
Massey, who now works as FIFA’s chief medic, told The Scottish Sun: ‘I looked down and I saw blood everywhere and thought, “Wow, that must be really sore.” (Terrific insight, Andrew)
“I was trying to think back to my medical training and nowhere does it teach you to how to stitch a penis.
“I thought, ‘I don’t want the first penis I’ve stitched to be Steven Gerrard’s’ – but it was.”
Which begs the question, did Andrew have a penis wishlist for just such an occasion?
Gerrard recalled the incident with some poignancy: “I took off my shorts and underpants and had one last look. Ouch. I hoped I wasn’t saying goodbye to an old friend… I could tell he [Massey] wasn’t feeling too comfortable about it either. He did a good job. I felt no pain as he put in the stitches, four as he predicted.”
The former Liverpool skipper also revealed that after the match his team-mates “absolutely pissed themselves” when they found out what had happened.
For those of you more interested in football than penis injuries, here are the highlights of said game (First bit of commentary: “Bournemouth opening Liverpool up.”):
Gerrard, Henderson, Moses, Sturridge, Suarez, Coutinho – it’s easy to forget how much talent going forward that Liverpool team had.
* Although not quite as impressive as the time former All Black Wayne ‘Buck Shelford’ – arguably the hardest sportsman of all time – played almost a whole half of brutal Test rugby against France with his scrotum ripped open and one testicle hanging out (Google it for more gory details).