Beautiful through ball from Coley to Defoe. Oh. No. Seriously, what was Cole thinking? An early contender for worst pass of the season. Although for Spurs fans, it looked like a game-changing pass of rare beauty.

West Ham defender Calum Davenport and his mother were stabbed at home in Bedford last night. Davenport was rushed to hospital where he underwent emergency surgery on “serious” injuries to both his legs. A West Ham spokesman said: “We can confirm that Calum Davenport was being treated in hospital on Saturday afternoon after an incident [...]

In which professional geezer/West Ham fan/shit actor/twat Danny Dyer takes one in the “north and sarf” (mouth): “That’s a powerful tool, that…” You are, Danny. You are. Most enjoyable.

Rather than hire a sexy beauty queen to show off your new kit (as Linfield did), West Ham Utd turned to celeb fan Ray Winstone (aka Ray, 52, from Essex) to show off its new Umbro home kit (that or Matty Upson really piled on the pounds)… Ray told WHTV: “This is beautiful, it is [...]

An extremely fresh-faced Trevor Brooking (aged 17) poses in a West Ham shirt prior to the start of the 1965/66 season. [Photo: PA/Barratts/S&G and Barratts/EMPICS Sport] Brooking signed for the Hammers as a teenager after leaving Ilford County High School. He went on to make 635 first-team appearances over the course of 19 years. This [...]

Place your bets… All bets are off on Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo, but there are still many star names whose futures remain unclear. Join Pies for a game of Transfer Roulette:

British football’s greatest Houdini acts 1. West Bromwich Albion (2005) With the odds stacked massively against the Baggies, on the final day of the season they did the only thing they could and beat Portsmouth 2-0. Elsewhere, Crystal Palace drew with Charlton, while Norwich and Southampton both lost. West Brom became the first club to [...]

Dirrrrty boys The list is based on fouls committed, which I concede is a flawed way of deciding which players are dirty. For example, there are no defenders on the list, because a) defenders are expected to make tackles, so referees are more lenient on them, and b) midfielders and forwards are simply not as [...]

Who’s going where, and who’s not going anywhere… Baked-bean head Mikael Silvestre was reportedly undergoing a medical at Man City when he was informed that Arsene Wenger wished to sign him. ‘Silvestre immediately abandoned the medical and hurtled down the M1 to meet Gunners boss Wenger and discuss terms,’ The Sun claims. Hope he stuck [...]

Today’s top football stories, with added mayo West Ham United and Fredrik Ljungberg have parted company, with the Swede just one year into a four-year contract [Guardian] Referee Mark Clattenburg has been suspended pending enquiries into reports regarding his alleged debts [BBC] Iain Dowie’s long-term future as QPR manager remains in serious doubt following a [...]

Top of the morning to you… West Ham reject Tottenham’s £15m offer for Dean Ashton. Spurs dodged a bullet there [Guardian] The C-Ron saga is finally over, says Fergie. The boy’s staying [BBC] The long-term future of Man City is in doubt after it emerged that owner Thaksin Shinawatra has explored the possibility of selling [...]

Craig Bellamy is under investigation (again), this time for a row with a West Ham. Here are six of his best bust-ups

Who’s done the best business in the off-season? Here’s who… 10 Brad Friedel (Blackburn to Aston Villa) He’s not far off 40 years old, but Hellboy is still one of the best ‘keepers around. The rest of the list after the jump…

Tuesday’s soccer-shaped smorgasbord Real Madrid midfielder Wesley Sneijder’s knee injury will rule him out for three months, a relief to the player who had feared a longer absence. Tests showed Sneijder did not tear ligaments when he was challenged by Arsenal’s Abou Diaby in a friendly. [Canadian Press] Alex Ferguson is a secret film buff [...]

More pics of new boys (check out part one) Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Thursday’s news balls, inflated to the max Deuce Bigalow (aka Rob Schneider) snapped wearing West Ham shirt. Oh, and drunk [The Offside Rules] C-Ron says his move to Real Madrid is “non-negotiable”. Fergie might have something to say about that [The Spoiler] Tottenham have held talks with Spartak Moscow striker Roman Pavlyuchenko [BBC] Revealed, the [...]

This week’s most popular posts on Pies Valon Behrami’s new WAG has the hotness Player booked for cynical foul on pitch invader Top six horse-face footballers C-Ron’s amazing mahogany legs Chelsea too old to win the title? Top six ridiculous Djibril Cisse looks

Friday’s news balls Spanked by Yanks West Ham lost 3-2 to David Beckham’s MLS All-Stars. [The Spoiler] Unsafe hands Spurs keeper Paul Robinson off to Blackburn in a £3.5m deal. Robbo will replace Brad Friedel, who is off to Aston Villa. [Mirror] The Joy of Cesc Fabregas visits Disneyland, wears Mickey Mouse-themed wizard’s hat. [Kickette] [...]

The lowdown on West Ham’s latest signing Name Valon Behrami Age 23 Nationality Swiss Position Winger Club history Lugano, Genoa, Lazio, West Ham Utd (current)

Footage from pre-season scrap Parts two, three and four after the jump…

British fans show the Yanks how to do it A tasty half-time scrap between more than 100 fans was the talking point of West Ham’s 3-1 win against Columbus Crew in Ohio on Sunday. The trouble began when a small mob of Hammers, seemingly intent on flexing their muscles and also protecting England’s reputation as [...]

Who’s headed for sunnier climes this season? 1. Mathieu Flamini (Arsenal to AC Milan) Arsene Wenger didn’t have the cash to keep Cesc’s midfield buddy at the Emirates. AC Milan stepped in with a better offer, then failed to reach the Champions League, for the first time in centuries. Arsenal fans will at least have [...]

The things players get up to in their down time… (click on image below to view gallery)

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

THEN: Dumitrescu arrived in the Premier League after some outstanding performances at the 1994 World Cup which saw him help Romania to the quarter-finals. Tottenham paid £2.6 million to bring the midfielder to England from Steaua Bucharest, where he had spent the first eight years of his professional career. The start of his career in England was overshadowed by a story in the News of the World that he had requested the services of a prostitute. He went in exile/on-loan to Sevilla after a brief but fairly successful spell for Spurs. He returned for the start of the 1995-96 season and played a handful of games before being flogged to West Ham. His Hammers career was short-lived and Dumitrescu was soon fleeing the tackling habits of Premier League defenders to continue career in Mexico with Club America.