Stat Attack: Didier Drogba ‘Injured’ For Total 6 Minutes 30 Seconds vs Barcelona

Chris Wright

20th, April 2012

17 Comments

By Chris Wright

The Daily Mail have busied themselves by totting up the total amount of time Didier Drogba spent screaming in anguish with his face mashed into the spittle-infused turf at Stamford Bridge against Barcelona on Tuesday evening.

Here’s the scores on the doors…

First-Half

4th minute: Penalised for a foul on Sergio Busquets (Down for 12 seconds)
14th minute: Clashes again with Busquets, Barcelona play on before Carlos Puyol puts ball out of play. (Out of action for 70 seconds)
34th minute: The Ivorian goes down under a challenge from Puyol inside his own area, exaggerating the contact the defender’s boot makes with his face. (Down for 12 seconds)
35th minute: From a Petr Cech goal kick, Drogba goes down after an aerial clash with Busquets (Doesn’t feature for 110 seconds)
38th minute: Drogba falls to the ground winded and lies prostrate on the ground. “He needs to get on with it,” says Andy Townsend on commentary. (Down for 60 seconds)
45th minute: Goes down theatrically under challenge from Puyol. (Down for 15 seconds)

First-Half total: 4 minutes 37 seconds

Second-Half

51st minute: Tries to slide tackle Lionel Messi. (Down for 2 seconds)
65th minute: Draws a foul from Javier Mascherano in the view of referee Felix Brych. The defender indicates he thinks the striker dived. (Down for 3 seconds)
67th minute: Suffers what looks like a groin injury in challenge with Puyol. Brych stops play. “Drogba goes down yet again,” says Clive Tyldesley. (Down for 100 seconds)
86th minute: Booked for a slide tackle on Messi. Lies on the floor in a clear attempt at time-wasting.  (Down for 10 seconds)

Second-Half Total: 1 minute 53 seconds

Total time wasted: 6 minutes 30 seconds

How ’bout that? Six-and-a-half minutes, and that’s not even including the knee-slide after his goal.

To put that in context, that’s about half the length of time it takes to cook your average thin-crust spinach and ricotta pizza – or one third the length of time it takes a ’96 plate Vauxhall Corsa to start of a morning between the end of November and the beginning of February the following year. Hope that helps.

Strangely, however, The Sun have Drogba’s total floor-flirting time as a mere three minutes and 18 seconds. In conclusion, no-one knows anything and all the above information is entirely moot.

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Posted in Barcelona, Champions League, Chelsea, Injuries

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17 Comments

  1. SL says:

    He is the worst diver ever, there isnt a challenge on him where he doesnt scream out in agony as his shirt is brushed before he throws himself to the floor.

    Notice how he never needs treatment, he just wants the ref over to have a moan at him like a little girl.

    A simple way to solve it, if a player needs the game stopped, he must be subbed even if a physio is no needed. Drogba would then play a total of 8 mins per season if he carried on like that.

  2. Anonymous says:

  3. CFC_Jay says:

    lol, Drogba really is the marmite of football!

    as this is a “Stat Attack”, and with everyone seemingly accepting that the pitch as the Camp Nou is huge in comparison to the pitch at Stamford Bridge, did you know the the Camp Nou pitch dimensions are 105m × 68m (115yd × 74 yd) and the pitch dimensions at the Bridge are 103m x 67m (112.6yd x 73.3 yd)……although slightly longer, there is hardly anything in it via width!! Hard to believe but apparently very true!

  4. Roo says:

    SL i wouldn’t say that. But for the Christ sake, leave Barcelona. Almost in every team, there are players that will dive – but hell yeah as I always see: Barca has diving artist – no.

    Barca fans needs to calm down in front these accusations – only way these stops is that Barca will be not that high as they are now.

    Let’s see what will happen if Manchester City win everything – i think everyone will be trashing at them, that they win it because they have indefinite amount of money – and this will be happen all the time.

    BEST WISHES TO NORMAL FANS – NOT HATERS :)

  5. Louis says:

    A truly majestic performance from Drogba then, playing through all that pain while he was injured ;)

    (Shame he’s actually got a knee injury at the moment and is out of the Arsenal game and unsure for the return leg at the Nou Camp)

  6. Louis says:

    Oh and also that 2nd half one in the 67th minute was when he got accidentally hit in the bean bags, surely no man who has ever felt that pain will begrudge him taking a bit of time to recover from that

  7. Joe says:

    I’m surprised this game was able to happen at all with such an array of cheating, diving time wasters-Drogba, Iniesta, Biscuits, Mascherano (possibly the world’s only diving centre back),Xavi-on the field. You’d think the injury time would add up to at least two hours.

  8. PC10DaTruth says:

    Now wheres the “Barcelona we’re cheated”?

    that mean there should of been over 7 minutes of added time.

  9. Roo says:

    Iniesta and Xavi? If players in your team had the ball so much like these two – they would be also fouled so often.

    As for Busquets and Mascherano I agree.

  10. Nuno says:

    @Roo
    “Barca has diving artist – no”.
    Dani Alves has quite a few skills at that. Biscuits is a cunt, rolling around in “agony” and “peek-a-boing” is just as bad as diving (and he also goes down easy, the only reason he doesn’t dive too much is because Barça moves the ball in midfield too fast for anybody to actually come close to him).

  11. Nuno says:

    Oh, and by the way Chris, I believe Drogba may have read your article on how to beat Barça with anti-football (although it came a bit short of what you actually wanted).

  12. Logician says:

    Seeing as he is out with a knee injury against Arsenal and next week’s away leg, he wasn’t diving the whole time.

  13. Futballsznob says:

    Here’s a “Best of” Didier vs Barca video to make this wonderful achievment immortal.
    http://www.pixter.hu/video?id=34958

  14. Alestorm says:

    OK, so he’s officially “better” than Ronaldo now

  15. Neil says:

    Shameless, a disgrace. Vermin, player and club alike.

  16. Mark says:

    Drogba’s cheating spoils matches and devalues the sport.

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