Horror Hair Hall Of Fame: The 20 Worst Footballing Coifs Of All Time
By Chris Wright
Part-inspired by Sandro’s blue Roadkill Mullet-Hawk, welcome one-and-all to the Pies ‘Horror Hair Hall Of Fame’. Let’s dive straight in shall we?
(Warning: Those with a low resistance to wanton follicle abuse should probably turn around and leave right about……now!)
20. Keiran Richardson and his ‘River Gypsy Rat-tail’
Looks like he grew up on a narrow boat with 25 brothers and sisters…
19. Andy Carroll and his ‘Spindly White Boy Cornrows’
At no point was this ever a good idea…
18. Claudio Caniggia and his ‘Bassist In A Dokken Tribute Band’
The 80′s can do terrible things to a man…
17. Javier Margas and his ‘Claret & Blue Dye-Job’
Yeesh, Margas looked a bit like Steve Coogan from the off and even dyed his hair in the West Ham club colours yet still no-one can remember him ever being there…
16. Cesc Fabregas & Fernando Torres and their ‘Siamese Mullet’
Joined at the abysmal ‘do…
15. Alan Biley and his ‘Giant Golden Haystack’
Careful with your needles around this chap…
14. Manuel Loco and his ‘Forehead Worms’
Loco by name…
13. Ronaldo and his ‘You’ve Missed A Bit’
Look, just down at the front there…
12. Taribo West and his ‘Little Piles of Dreadlocks’
If he wasn’t such a hard git, he’d have been laughed off the park each and every Saturday…
11. Peter Beardsley and his ‘Perfect Bowl’
His mam cut his hair. Probably still does..
10. Jason Lee and his ”The Man From Del Monte, He Say Yes! Dread-stack’
He’s got a pineapple on his, etc, etc…
9. The ‘Cobi Jones & Alexi Lalas Combo Platter’
One photo, two lousy heads of hair and one gigantic ginger beard…
8. Chris Waddle and his ‘Classic Continental Mullet’
A bona fide classic example of the medium…
7. Paul Gascoigne and his ‘Cultured English Gent Abroad Ponytail’
In the same vein as Waddle, upon moving to Lazio in 1992 Gazza decided to plump for a style befitting any high-falutin’ Roman native…
6. Roberto Baggio and his ‘Divine Ponytail’
Baggio’s horse’s-arse of a hairstyle went through several modifications over the years, but we happen to find the USA ’94-era incarnation – complete with braids and beads – the most offensive…
5. Sir Bobby Charlton and his ‘Combover: Genesis’
The leading proponent of the footballing combover, Sir Bobby’s signature style was often imitated and rarely bettered (see directly below)…
4. Chris Garland and his ‘Luxury Louis XIV Bouffant Combover’
All hail Bristol City’s Sun King…
3. Abel Xavier and his ???
???…
2. Noel Brotherston and his ‘Ginger Doink The Clown’
Just shave it Noel, you’re not fooling anybody…
1. John Dempsey and his glorious ‘Combover de la Muerte’
When hair becomes architecture…
Photos: PA
Bonus Mullet: Mike Werner, formerly of Hansa Rostock…
Thanks to Pies fan Johnny Brutalo for bringing this beaut to our attention!
Any stinking barnets we’ve missed (hands up, there are loads we couldn’t fit in)? Feel free to give us a nudge in the comments box below…
Do Arsenal Artificially Enhance The Emirates Atmosphere? – OTP
Big Cup Bullshit – The FCF
Guess UEFA Cup Finalists From Their Shirt – Three Match Ban
20 Damning Steve Kean Quotes – Mirror Football
'Abandon All Hope…' – Sunshine Room
Leaked Blackburn Letter Shows Extent Of Turmoil – EPL Talk
Genius Who Couldn't Exist Today: Dragan Stojkovic – LBITCR
German Philosopher Reflects On Jose Mourinho – Futfanatico
Rule Changes That Could Hand Title To Man Utd – FourFourTwo
Welcome To Posh – Danny Last for IBWM
Carlos Valderama Surely!!! I thought he wouldve been top of the list although there is a slight coolness about it too
You hit the nail on the head Davy. Valderrama’s barnet is far too cool for inclusion!
http://jetzt.sueddeutsche.de/upl/images/user/se/sehrsehrsachlich/text/regular/620421.jpg
Introducing:
Mike Werner (former Hansa Rostock)
I can’t believe that Sagna or Chamakh didn’t make the list.
John Dempsey looks a bit like an older version of Tim Lovejoy
@Johnny Brutalo: Dear sweet Moses, that is…beautiful.
And facial hair is hair too,sooooo:
Introducing :
Matthias Holst (also Rostock)
He didn’t wanna shave his beard until he plays again. Well, after an injury and some other unlucky stuff he didn’t manage to play for even 1 minute in 1,5years, and he looked like this:
http://bilder.bild.de/fotos-skaliert/matthias-holst-22566475-mfbq-19871500/4,h=343.bild.jpg
on 9th of September he finally played 90 mins and he looks human again
http://www.bz-berlin.de/multimedia/archive/00319/Holst1_3195686.jpg
You could include the American rasta-boy himself, Kyle Beckerman. Although some may argue he actually has great hair.
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/394548/Beckerman__Kyle.jpg
Come on! Caniggia has cool hair!
Mike Werner looks strikingly like Joe Dirt here. By the way, Chris, this is an excellent photo layout scheme, kudos to you.
@Papi: Thanks dude, we can get away with doing it like this for articles like these, but we still have to include the odd slideshow gallery (match photos, etc) now and again. It’s a necessary evil I’m afraid.
that picture of abel xavier looks like dani alves with a hay bale on his head.
You just can not exclude Gervinho…It’s a kind of combover as well, African style.
http://lh3.ggpht.com/_UDIwZAxomYk/TCiO-betPtI/AAAAAAAAAp0/GLJCMarEIxM/49-balding-gervinho-02.jpg
Definitely John De Wolf, the meanest looking mofo in Dutch football history with his lion manes
I believe that Xavier’s is called a Space Mullet.
Joey Barton’s hipster-hitler coif. David Beckham circa Real Madrid days. Ribery’s scarred hairline is kinda freaky too…
Haha, Mike Werner! Legend!
http://www.welt.de/multimedia/archive/00708/modesuenden_werner__708116s.jpg
Some more:
Paul Breitner: http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lb5r5tq6Im1qey19go1_500.jpg
Günter Netzer: http://jetzt.sueddeutsche.de/upl/images/user/ti/tiller/text/regular/281526.jpg
Michael Sternkopf: http://www.11freunde.de/img/fotostrecken/1225121353_original.jpg
What about David James? http://www.flickr.com/photos/agi_t_prop/310567491/ And Tony Daley? http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/PA-7242719.jpg
No Diouf or Cisse?
Scharner!? The new Sandro effort?
Dissapointed haha
El Titaaaaaaaan:
http://www.informexeneize.com.ar/Apertura_1998_Palermo.jpg
http://fdl1023.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/e66488eff45d5a785cc9ba7ffbb81295.jpg?w=246
Martin Palermo
Vagner Love and his…God knows what it is, but it looks like something out of Avatar
I think all of Abel Xavier’s hairstyles are worth a place here :D
This post is an instant classic. One of my favourite Pies posts ever! Got a good laugh out of this one!
rene higuita…Scary perm/tache combo!!!
Well I’ll never feel bad about MY bad hair days again! :D yeesh but those mullets are frightening!
No.2 is George Costanza
nice set of pics, none of these guys have anything on Dennis Rodman and his do’s lol
You forgot many Korean players.
They have horrible hair style.
Cesc Fabregas
[...] hoy, me encontré con un ranking que hicieron en Inglaterra, donde eligieron a los 20 peores o más extraños peinados que alguna vez se vieron por esos lados. [...]
Martin Palermo – http://www.oleole.com/pictures/bocajuniors/martinpalermo/mp5hxq.asp
Check out Trifon Ivanov!! I remember as a young lad excitedly opening up my packs of USA 94′ Stickers and being horrified by this man wolf! He ticks all the boxes: Filthy Mullet, haggard beard, disgustingly ugly! What more could you want??
Ralph Coates! You have to find the famous picture of him heading the ball and his come over exploding into a halo.
That Mike Werner picture at the end… David Spade as Joe Dirt:
http://cf1.imgobject.com/backdrops/4e3/4bc9319b017a3c57fe0144e3/joe-dirt-original.jpg
haha this post is really awesome! i came across your site via stumble and you have many interesting posts!
Noel Brotherston’s look is hilarious!
Great job! Many thanks to administrators!!