Horror Hair Hall Of Fame: The 20 Worst Footballing Coifs Of All Time

Chris Wright

27th, September 2011

39 Comments

By Chris Wright

Part-inspired by Sandro’s blue Roadkill Mullet-Hawk, welcome one-and-all to the Pies ‘Horror Hair Hall Of Fame’. Let’s dive straight in shall we?

(Warning: Those with a low resistance to wanton follicle abuse should probably turn around and leave right about……now!)

20. Keiran Richardson and his ‘River Gypsy Rat-tail’

Looks like he grew up on a narrow boat with 25 brothers and sisters…

19. Andy Carroll and his ‘Spindly White Boy Cornrows’

At no point was this ever a good idea…

18. Claudio Caniggia and his ‘Bassist In A Dokken Tribute Band’

The 80’s can do terrible things to a man…

17. Javier Margas and his ‘Claret & Blue Dye-Job’

Yeesh, Margas looked a bit like Steve Coogan from the off and even dyed his hair in the West Ham club colours yet still no-one can remember him ever being there…

16. Cesc Fabregas & Fernando Torres and their ‘Siamese Mullet’

Joined at the abysmal ‘do…

15. Alan Biley and his ‘Giant Golden Haystack’

Careful with your needles around this chap…

14. Manuel Loco and his ‘Forehead Worms’

Loco by name…

13. Ronaldo and his ‘You’ve Missed A Bit’

Look, just down at the front there…

12. Taribo West and his ‘Little Piles of Dreadlocks’

If he wasn’t such a hard git, he’d have been laughed off the park each and every Saturday…

11. Peter Beardsley and his ‘Perfect Bowl’

His mam cut his hair. Probably still does..

10. Jason Lee and his ”The Man From Del Monte, He Say Yes! Dread-stack’

He’s got a pineapple on his, etc, etc…

9. The ‘Cobi Jones & Alexi Lalas Combo Platter’

One photo, two lousy heads of hair and one gigantic ginger beard…

8. Chris Waddle and his ‘Classic Continental Mullet’

A bona fide classic example of the medium…


7. Paul Gascoigne and his ‘Cultured English Gent Abroad Ponytail’

In the same vein as Waddle, upon moving to Lazio in 1992 Gazza decided to plump for a style befitting any high-falutin’ Roman native…

6. Roberto Baggio and his ‘Divine Ponytail’

Baggio’s horse’s-arse of a hairstyle went through several modifications over the years, but we happen to find the USA ’94-era incarnation – complete with braids and beads – the most offensive…

5. Sir Bobby Charlton and his ‘Combover: Genesis’

The leading proponent of the footballing combover, Sir Bobby’s signature style was often imitated and rarely bettered (see directly below)…

4. Chris Garland and his ‘Luxury Louis XIV Bouffant Combover’

All hail Bristol City’s Sun King…

3. Abel Xavier and his ???

???…

2. Noel Brotherston and his ‘Ginger Doink The Clown’

Just shave it Noel, you’re not fooling anybody…

1. John Dempsey and his glorious ‘Combover de la Muerte’

When hair becomes architecture…

Photos: PA

Bonus Mullet: Mike Werner, formerly of Hansa Rostock…

Thanks to Pies fan Johnny Brutalo for bringing this beaut to our attention!

Any stinking barnets we’ve missed (hands up, there are loads we couldn’t fit in)? Feel free to give us a nudge in the comments box below…

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