Modern Football Is Rubbish: Philadelphia Union Looking To Hire ‘Chief Tattoo Officer’

Chris Wright

14th, February 2017



When it comes to professional footballers, you don’t have to go far to find a tattoo – be it massive full-limb sleeves or a pistol-toting chimpanzee.

As such, Philadelphia Union are taking steps to further meld the worlds of football and body art by hiring their very own, in-house ‘tattoo officer’.

Indeed, the MLS side have posted a classified job listing on their official website…

The advert reads:

Tattoos are a vital part of sport, fan and supporter culture. Just as tattoos are for life, fans choose a club to passionately support for life. As our club grows, players and staff are joining the Union from geographies outside of Philadelphia. Given their love for tattoos and unfamiliarity with their new city, they often look for guidance in seeking a new, local artist.

As a result, The Philadelphia Union are seeking their first resident tattoo artist (or full shop of artists).

Our CTO, Chief Tattoo Officer, will be responsible for providing services to players and front office staff.

Occasionally, fan events will also be held with the CTO for the most loyal fans who want a tattoo to represent their passion for their favourite soccer club, the Union.

Skillset –

Minimum 5 years experience (post-apprenticeship)

Diverse skillset as needed by clientele including American Traditional, Realism, Japanese and more

Must enjoy tattooing snake designs (after all, we have a snake in our crest)

We suppose if hiring a designated tattoo officer cuts down on this kind of thing…

…then it’s probably for the best.